New Konoha, a MODERN Naruto Story
by xxxMadara
Summary: What happens when Naruto characters live in New York and face the challenge of EVERYDAY LIFE? Find out now!
1. Chapter 1, Random sht 1

Chapter being rewritten/worked on, hopefully. Sorry for inconvenience.

-M


	2. Chapter 2, Random sht 2

Chapter Two

Good morning/evening everyone and welcome back to **KONOHA, NEW YORK** xD

You know the drill, characters will be OOC also, if there's is a olded quote, that's the character's inner self speaking.

**Note: I do not own Naruto**

**CHAPTER DEDICATED TO: BlossomS2Cherry, AKA Sakura Haruno**

Chapter two

It was Saturday, and Hinata was relaxed on the leather couch of Team 8's apartment, kicking back and watching Titanic on Adelphia High-Speed Cable. Beside her there was about six boxes of Kleenex, five of them empty and one on the verge of running out. It was the part when Jack dies and Rose says that she will not let go, which, quoting Hinata, is one of the saddest parts in movie history.

Hinata blew her nose hard into her Kleenex while crying. "Oh, I love this movie...it's so sad..."

Kiba wandered into the living room and sat down next to Hinata, after shoving aside the boxes of Kleenex. "I can't believe those sick, perverted, twisted-"

"Kiba, I'm watching Titanic, please save it until after." Hinata shushed Kiba as the TV portayed Rose blowing on a whistle, signaling the life boats to sail toward her. Kiba slouched back in his seat, crossing his arms and watched the rest of the movie with the helmet-haired girl next to him (Hinata. T.T), wondering why the coolest kid in school was watching Titanic on a Saturday morning instead of watching Pulse at the movies with his friends.

/a few minutes later/

"W-well...what were you g-going to say, Kiba?" Hinata asked him as she turned off the TV.

Kiba gave her a 'how-could-you-not-know' look. "THOSE DAMN SUPERVISORS ARE PLAYING THAT DAMN GAME AGAIN."

A puzzled look spread upon Hinata's eyes. "The one with the 'banana spl-"

"YES. That one." Kiba grabbed Hinata's hand and pulled her outside and into a taxi cab, anything to get away from Kakashi's apartment and even their own apartment BUILDING. AND Kiba's apartment that he shared with the team himself. KURENAI cleans her apartment, cooks, even watches TV with the remote and...sitting on the couch. Kiba doesn't know where Kurenai's hands have been, though judging by the incident at Kakashi's apartment, he has an idea.

"How I regret sitting on that couch..."

"K-Kiba, what do you mean?"

"Hinata, wash your hands when we get to the movie theater. Kurenai touched that remote."

"I still don't get what yo-"

"WASH YOUR HANDS!"

"O-ok..."

------------

Kiba and Hinata made it to the movie theater, Kiba paying for the taxi.

It's a duty for the coolest kid in school to have a DATE when he's watching a movie, especially on Saturday. Kiba didn't want to look uncool, so he brought Hinata along to watch Pulse with him, not mentioning the movie title to Hinata for various reasons. Kiba approached the ticket man. "Two for Pulse, please."

"MAKE THAT THREE."

"Ino?" Kiba jumped as the blonde girl appeared at the window. Hinata was shaking with terror because of the movie awating to be viewed by her white eyes; she's not fond of horror movies. Ino grinned. "Well, Shikamaru won't pay for my ticket and Choji ATE his money, and I left mine at home so can you buy me my ticket?"

"No, get your own." Kiba grabed Hinata's hand and dragged her into the theater, Ino trailing behind them.

/5 seconds later/

"Okay, FINE! Here," Kiba gave in and looked through his wallet, pulling out his Visa and giving it to Ino. "Just stop bothering me, okay?"

"Whatever!" Ino happily said as she ran toward the ticket window, Visa in hand.

Kiba and Hinata approached the popcorn stand and stood in line behind Choji and Shikamaru. Ino then stood in line behind Hinata, shouting and waving her ticket up in the air.

"YEAH BABY, I'M WATCHING PULSE WITH KIBA AND HINATA!"

'Shh. No you're not." Kiba glared at ino.

/5 seconds later/

"ARGH. Okay, fine. just shut up." Kiba glared at Choji, ordering his snacks.

"And I want two large popcorns, one with butter one with cheese, I want three hotdogs everything on them, I want M&Ms and Sour skittles as well, also, I want four pretzels, one plain, one garlic, two raisin, I want five cokes and two bags of Snickers bites, plus eight bags of Lays." Choji paused, thinking. "IF I get nachos, is anyone else going to have any? I don't want to feel like a fatty."

Shikamaru sighed impatiently. "Buying food with Choji...it's such a drag."

Kiba leaned against the counter. "I want Sour Patch kids, and a small popcorn for my 'date'. Also add a diet sprite." He said, nodding towards Hinata's direction.

"I want Doritos." Shikamaru heaved another sigh, then started taking a three-minute nap. Ino winked at the guy behind the counter.

"Swedish Fish for me, hot stuff."

"That comes to a total of $74.95." The guy said in a bored tone, letting Ino know that her plan didn't work. She growled while Shikamaru gave the guy his Visa to scan.

Several minutes later, the five were seated in a row around the middle, holding their snacks and watching previews when a preview for 'Wickerman' was playing, it was the part then the truck ran over the little girl.

Hinata screamed in fear. Ino covered her eyes while Kiba and Choji cheered, Kiba waving his jacket around in the air and whooping (no shirt. Yays!). Shikamaru sighed and shushed them all. "Guys, SHUT UP."

"Make me, Sokka." Ino smirked while eating Swedish Fish, images of Shikamaru in Avatar: The Last Airbender in her head. Shikamaru closed his eyes in anger and shook a fist. "Ino, I'm warning you..."

"Guys, the movie's starting." Kiba said as the movie started. Hinata grabbed Kiba's arm in terror while Choji muched away at his snacks. Shikamaru started falling asleep as Ino talked away on her cell phone, recieving death glares from the other people watching the movie.

------------

Naruto and Sasuke were at their apartment's living room playing Connect Four, Sakura listening to her iPod to drown out the noises coming from Kakashi's room.

Naruto dropped a red checker into a slot. "Sasuke, what do you think the senseis are doing in there?"

"They're playing Uno." Sasuke replied sarcastically while making his move and blocking Naruto's win. "Tazuna's out at Wild Oats, so I count five people doing it: Kakashi-sensei, Kurenai-sensei, Asuma-sensei, Baki-sensei, and Gai-sensei...I don't know why we call them 'sensei', they never teach us anything...though I'm sure Gai's teaching stuff to Lee. Jackass, because of him, I don't have my Nikes anymore...T.T"

_"Okay class, let me pass back your tests, which I graded last night...I could have been out dating but noooooo." Iruka sighed as he handed back the papers with marks on it. He approached Lee first. _

_"Rock Lee, I'm dissapointed in you. I thought you would know that the thing that can heal a wound in the heart is NOT youth, you're close though." he said, giving Lee a paper marked with an 'F.'_

_Sasuke inwardly smirked. It's obvious he'll get Lee's sneakers now, since he was a genius and all. _

_Iruka stopped at Sasuke's desk. "And Sasuke Uchiha, before I hand you your STUPENDOUS paper, look up in the sky! Is it a D? Is it an E? No, IT'S SUPER F!" Iruka smiled as he handed Sasuke a paper marked wit an F-Minus. A little red cape was attached to the paper as well._

_"AN F-MINUS?" Sasuke yelled in total disbelief as Iruka went on to the next student. He then glared at Lee, who was moving his fists together in a circular motion._

_"Go Lee, it's my birthday." _

_"UGH, fine." Sasuke angrily kicked off his Nikes and threw them at Lee, who happily put them on while grinning, his teeth revaling a sparkle._

"Wow...I got a C on that test." Naruto said as he dropped another checker onto the stand, making a diagonal win.

"Don't you dare say it, Na-"

"...oh my god. I WON! HA! WHO'S THE CONNECT-FOUR KING NOW, SASUKE?" Naruto shouted, emphasizing Sasuke's name. "I know it's not YOU, because, well, YOU SUCK. You suck out loud!"

It was then that Tazuna entered the building., pulling the door closed behind him. He had a grocery bag in one arm and his keys in the other. "I'm telling you one thing, when I was your age, young people helped old people when they're arms were full." he said, setting the bag down on the table. Naruto looked inside the bag.

"Uh. Old Man. What is this for?" Naruto asked, holding what seemed to be a bottle of caramel topping. Tazuna quickly rushed over to him and snatched the bottle.

"NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS, YOU YOUNG WHIPPER SNAPPER." He yelled, grabbing his grocery bag and heading towards Kakashi's room. Sakura shrugged and switched her song to Skater Boy. "By the way, you didn't happen to see Kiba, didn't you?"

Sakura paused her song and thought for a minute. "Uhh...I dunno. But if you find him, beat him up. Bastard stole my Sour Patch Kids..."

------------------

Tenten thought for a second, then started writing in her notebook. She was siting against a tree at the park, along with her friends who had nothing else to do. Shino was lying down with a magnifying glass, studying ants. Her other friends, except Lee, were playing a game of football. Lee was there for Tenten when she needed help with her homework. (aww. xD)

Tenten turned towards him. "Lee...what are the 5 stages of grief?"

"Allow me to explain this the old fashioned way, my dear Tenten...by, USING AN EXAMPLE."

"Joy" Tenten sighed, sarcasm filling the air. Lee took a deep breath.

"Tenten, the first stage is...denial."

_"Oh my god. Oh my god. This cannot be happening to me...oh my god. It's not real, isn't it?Soon... Soon, I'll wake up and this will all be a dream."_

_**"...and the fact that I fall asleep at different times of the day doesn't strike odd to you...?"**_

Lee thought for a minute."Next is anger."

_"THAT SICK M'FUCKASS SON OF A BITCH, HOW DARE HE EVEN TRY TO BLAME ME FOR WHAT HAPPENED TO THIS BACKSTABBER BASTARD JACKASS...time for me to show no mercy."_

_**"Way to go, self! And this IS part of the plan...I'LL BE FREE, JACKASS!"**_

_"...what?"_

_**"Uh, nothing."**_

"After that is Bargaining."

_"Okay...uh...God. I'm SORRY! PLEASE take away my life along with my Inner Self and ressurect this man and his beloved."_

_**"...what the hell do I have to do with this? You killed him...T.T"**_

"Number 4 is depression."

_"...I get it now...it's all my fault...if I would have never been born, everyone will be happy...then, I wouldn't be in the way."_

_**"Fuck, my outer half is getting emo...time for me to pull some strings."**_

"Last is acceptance..."

_/shatter/_

_**"HOLY CRAP BROKEN GLASS...I hate breaking things. One time at a Christmas party, my sister got an antique vase...I asked if I can see it and it broke. She nearly killed me...uh, my friend was there too...one time we were fighting over who would win the love of this hott girl beast, but he won. I'm telling you, I'm kinda grateful...that time he catwalked away with that hot feline, 12 years later, BAM. Herpes."**_

_"...uh, FUCK. Get to the point."_

_**"Sheesh, fine. Don't get all attitude, jackass."**_

_"...he's gone...it seems like my life is over..."_

_**"Yes yes yes, everything was going perfectly fine, until THIS. THIS just HAD to happen, I know life wasn;t a slice of raspberry cheesecake with Cool Whip topping and a couple of cherries before THIS, buddy. It just had to happen...god doesn't like you and neither do I. Let's go to Olive Garden for a salad."**_

_"I'm grieving here..."_

_**"Yeah, but...I know another way to solve problems...evil laughter"**_

"But...it may also lead to more anger."

_**"HOLY FUCK, HE'S TURNING INTO THE HULK. If you turn green, I'm moving to Iowa."**_

_"I'm ignoring you...IT'S TIME TO CROSS THE OTHER SIDE, BIATCH...5 minute maniacal laughter"_

_**"Yeah, and I assume you're going to spend the holidays all alone watching Christmas with the Kranks, after that you're going to your family's place...where the only way to survive Christmas with your damn family is to get drunk 80 of the time and pretend you're not there. Take your 'I really wish I weren't here right now' button while you're at it. I'll go get the eggnog...beware"**_

_"..."_

"And those are the five stages of anger." Lee finished.

"Holy shit...no wonder we ran out of eggnog that time." Temari, who stopped playing football to listen to the story, ran her fingers through her blonde hair.

"Knew it." Neji sighed and took out his DS. "I'm playing Mario Kart."

"Did you also know that the same guy who was in that story and his Inner Self made the nintendo Company spell Mario Kart with a K?" Kankuro smirked while Gaara gave him a smack on the head.

"Jackass, I like it better with a K...give me your Resses Blizzard." Gaara gave Kankuro a death glare, but tha didn't stop Kankuro from protecting his sacred ice cream-in-a-cup from DQ.

Kankuro turned around and hid his ice cream. "No way, it has those little chocolate thingies with the white dots."

"Snow caps?"

"Yes." Kankuro said uneasily.

"Even better, NOW GIVE ME THE DAMN ICE CREAM!"

"No."

"I'll kill you."

"No."

"I'll really do it."

"You're not going to do it."

"Kankuro, I am serious."

"No you're not."

Gaara sighed and tossed a rubber band and a glue-stick-like object at Kankuro. "Here's a rubber band and a stick of HeadOn, go ahead and apply to your forehead. YOU'LL NEED IT AFTER UNTIMELY DEATH."

Kankuro picked up his prizes, along with his ice cream. Then he stopped. "ForeHEAD? I thought it was fore skin."

"..."

Tenten, Temari, Neji, Gaara, and Lee stared at Kankuro.

Lee spoke. "Kankuro, did you see that 4 hour long HeadOn commercial, pointing to your forehead?"

Kankuro remembered that thoroughly annoying HeadOn commercial he saw on the Weather channel, where the arrow was pointing to the woman's forehead while the voice is saying 'HeadOn, apply directly to the Forehead.' "Oh yeah."

**"-IT GOES ON YOUR FOREHEAD, DAMMIT."**

"Damn Neji, you don't have to yell."

**"I've been using your HeadOn for the past 3 weeks, Kankuro!"**

Tenten was laughing as Kankuro and Neji started wrestling and hitting each other. Lee was shouting out the HeadOn commercial while Gaara and Temari were making bets on who would win, Gaara eating Kankuro's blizzard. Shino was on the ground playing with some bugs.

"Whatever."

/4 minutes later/

"HA! I told you I'd win" Temari smirked as Gaara gave her the money. Neji was beat up on the ground while Kankuro slowly got up, wiping blood from his mouth.

----------------------

Back at the movies

The group closed their eyes as the killer, knife in hand, started to dart toward the 'people' and tried to stab them. They slowly opened their eyes, then immediately closed them again when they heard the loud buzzing of a chainsaw. Hinata was holding onto Kiba's arm and crying while the others were screaming in fear/excitement.

"K-k-kiba! WHY THE HELL DID YOU TAKE ME TO A DAMN 3-D HORROR MOVIE?"

"Because it's funner when it's 3-D." Kiba stated matter-of-factly as the killer stuck his head out of the movie screen and sucked everyone's spirit out (it IS Pulse, y'know)

Ino, Shikamaru, and Choji were screaming like you do when you're on a roller coaster, Choji eating Shikamaru's Raisinets. "HOLY CRAP!"

"I'm scared!" Hinata got up and tried to run out of the theater, only to be grabbed and shoved back into her seat by Kiba.

"Shh. The best part's coming up!" Kiba placed his finger over his lips as the killer slowly walked out of the screen, holding up his axe and his chainsaw and laughing maniacally. Choji, Shikamaru, Ino, and Kiba held onto eachother as the killer pulled the string switch from the chainsaw, turning it on. Hinata was in a fetal postitiong, saying 'I don't want to die, I don't want to die'

The killer spoke. "Do you have any last words to say before you die, because this will end your Pulse..."

"KIBA!1"

"Shh, Hinata. You're drowning out the sound."

"KIBA, I WANT TO GET OUT!"

"You think Naruto's going to love a chicken? You think anybody's going to like a chicken girl like you, huh? DAM HINATA, WHY THE HELL ARE YOU YELLING, BECAUSE WE CAN'T HEAR THE MOVIE!"

**"KIBA INUZUKA, I AM ABOUT TO DIE!"**

/20 minutes later/

"That was cool, wasn't it Hinata?" The hot guy going by the name of Kiba gave Hinata a nudge as they stepped out of the theater. Hinata was still crying.

"K-k-kiba, I was scared..."

"Relax Hinata, I've seen scarier." Kiba sighed, remembering what happened a few days ago.

_"You GODS need to teach me." Shino whispered in awe as four of the Senseis were crowded around Gai, all of them wearing Hawaiian shirts...and nothing else.. Gai was shivering with excitement, cold, and being turned on as the two half-eaten scoops of Blue Bunny ice cream, topped in chocolate syrup, caramel, nuts, cherries, etc. were melting on his...yeah. Kurenai, Asuma, Kakashi, and Baki were staring at Shino in shock, and embarrassment._

_Kurenai smiled. "Uh...sure Shino. I'll need a volunteer." She got up and walked towards Shino, grabbing his hand and pulling him toward the bed. "Uh...you can be the volunteer. Do you know how to play 'Share the Banana Split'?"_

_"Uh...no."_

_"It's a no-hands thing. No spoon either." Kurenai stated as she was pulling off Shino's shorts. Shino perversely smiled. _

_Kiba shut his eyes. "Oh my god."_

_"Arf arf." barked Akamaru as he jumped onto the bed and started licking the ice cream on Gai's...blendy pen. The men cheered as Kurenai petted Akamaru and gave him a treat._

_"See, Akamaru has the right idea."_

_"Akamaru?" Kiba whispered in horror, still spying on them from the hallway. "FUCK!"_

_Shino nodded. "I get it Kurenai-sensei." _

Kiba shook the thought out from his mind. "I still have nightmares about that day."

------------

Later on that night, what's another day to celebrate an EVIL plan...by Kimimaro. The Sound 5 were sitting around the apartment they all share, but be reminded that they do not live in the same apartment building as the others. Sakon, Tayuya, Jiroubu, and Kidoumaru were sitting around a table. Kimi was at the front of the table, a board that was draped behind him.

"Guys...tonight is the night for our evil plan." Kimimaro stated, nodding towards the calendar on the wall, a picture of an oil-covered Orochimaru in a purple speedo with beige stripes on the January page, but that's not what he was talking about, mind you. Tonight was January 19th, AKA The Night of the Kimimaro Kaguya's Evil Plan, by Kimimaro Kaguya.

"But Kiiiimi, I have Lakers tickets."

"Shut up Kidoumaru. If we're going to get revenge on what happened January 19th last year, we're going to have to do this tonight." Kimimaro smiled evilly.

Tayuya sighed. "I remember, Kimi."

_"Hey guys, let's take care of the little twerps again." Sakon got that look in his eye, one that means either shoving somebody into their locker, beating somebody up, or eating Jiroubu's Meatball Marinara sandwich from Subway. Jiroubu hid his paper bag as Sakon and Tayuya approached the twerps, also known as Team Sand._

_"Prepare for tr-"_

_"FUCK THE FUCK OFF." yelled Gaara, giving his knuckles a loud crrrr-ack. Temari and Kankuro slowly backed away, pretending that they didn't know any of them. _

_Tayuya narrowed her eyes as him. "What the hell did you say to me?"_

_/slam/_

_Gaara had stuffed Tayuya in a locker. He also threw a rhinestoned gadget in there as well. "Here's your iPod, now you can enjoy your favorite hits from the Olive Pits, or whatever the hell you whores listen to."_

_"Black-Eyed Peas." Tayuya informed him from inside the locker._

_"Oh yeah...do I smell Meatball Marinara?" Gaara approached the other four, all of them dropping their Subway bags in fear._

"That bastard took my sandwich. T.T" Kidoumaru, Sakon, Kimi, and Jiroubu muttered. Tayuya was on a diet at the time.

"So, let's review." Kimimaro said, unveiling the chalkboard. Stick figures were drawn on it along with a complicated map. He pointed to the stick figure that looked like Gaara. "This is Subject A-B 8."

Tayuya blinked. "Kimi. Can we call him Tim?"

"Fine." Kimi said, pointing to a stick figure of Temari. "This is Temari, she's in my calculus class. Anyway, she knows 'Tim', so all we got to do is trick her into bringing 'Tim' to the place where our plan will take place."

The Sound 5 started laughing maniacally...for 5 minutes. Then they stopped as Kimi picked up the phone

Walaa, chapter 2 is done...T.T XD next chapter features our heroes and villains, and that mysteriously evil plan...I bet Rei and Mike know what it is. X3


	3. Chapter 3, Kimimaro's Evil Plan

Konoha New York, chapter 3

AKA The chapter of The Night of the Kimimaro Kaguya's Evil Plan, by Kimimaro Kaguya.

Good afternoon/morning/night, all Konoha New York fans, it's time for, dun dun duuunn...Kimimaro's evil plan to get back at Gaara for eating his Meatball Marinara sub

Kimimaro: Mwahaha, my plan is deliciously EVIL

Gaara: I'm scarred for life. ox I HATE YOU KIMIMARO! you will die in a few weeks.

Kimimaro: You should be, it's KIMIMARO KAGUYA'S EVIL PLAN And I'm immortal...despite my Leukemia.

Well, that's very nice, but don't get into a lot of detail, Kimi... they hafta read the story first.

**Characters will/may/possibly/will again, be OOC, and I will use item brands and stuff. I don't own Naruto, Naruto owns me. Dattebayo**

**Chapter dedicated to Prince Christian kun, AKA Chris/Vy Low on SPPF. 8D**

**AND, Sorry Haku fans. Haku has to be a bit -off- in this chapter, but I can't think of any other people who easily confused with the opposite sex...o.o**

Kimi will now also give a shout-out to KaL-El of Krypt0n, for being one of the only 2 reviewers...xD

Kimi: Hi, KaL-El of Krypt0n. If you eat my Subway food, I will do to you what I did to Gaara. You have been warned. End transmission.

--------------

Recap of Chapter 2

**"That bastard took my sandwich. T.T" Kidoumaru, Sakon, Kimi, and Jiroubu muttered. Tayuya was on a diet at the time.**

**"So, let's review." Kimimaro said, unveiling the chalkboard. Stick figures were drawn on it along with a complicated map. He pointed to the stick figure that looked like Gaara. "This is Subject A-B 8."**

**Tayuya blinked. "Kimi. Can we call him Tim?"**

**"Fine." Kimi said, pointing to a stick figure of Temari. "This is Temari, she's in my calculus class. Anyway, she knows 'Tim', so all we got to do is trick her into bringing 'Tim' to the place where our plan will take place."**

**The Sound 5 started laughing maniacally...for 5 minutes. Then they stopped as Kimi picked up the phone**

**End Recap**

**-------------**

Temari was lying on the red leather couch in Team Sand's apartment. She flipped open her Razr to discover a text message from somebody named 'xxxAnOnYmOuSxxx'. Who could be texting her right now, on Gaara's birthday...it could be one of her friends since it was also Martin Luther King day. She hoped it was from Shikamaru.

'Dearest...no nono, wait...yeah. Hey, Temari,

I have a party going on at Apartment 306, 4th floor room 30. It's only for Gaara, but I couldn't text him since he ran out of minutes. Please tell him to come. I worked very hard on this party. I missed my episode of 7th Heaven on Saturday planning for this party; it will be very **colorful**. Ha ha. Ha. Happy Martin Luther King Day, by the way.

-Anonymous'

"Whatever." Temari said, deleting the message. "Gaara, some guy's throwing you a party at Kimi's apartment. I should know, since for the past 3 days, he's been screaming 'I'm throwing Gaara a party, don't come if you're him!' to the entire school."Temari thought that was stupid of him...yet, Gaara is anti-social.

Gaara straightened the tie he was wearing, a death look on his face. You all know Gaara, he hates wearing ties, along with 100 of the Naruto guys...except Gai. And Lee, if Gai's wearing a tie. Maybe green, with a Wizard of Oz theme. Gaara's tie's theme was black, flaming red skulls. It matched his black tuxedo and his flaming red hair...against popular belief, it's RED, not brown. "Is Kimi throwing it?"

(Gaara's pov.)

Temari sighed. "I JUST SAID, Kimimaro's throwing it."

I countered with a sigh in respose."Temari. Do you want me to kill you?"

"NO...at least not tonight. I don't wanna miss Seinfeld." Temari was texting Shikamaru, annoyed at him that he didn't text her for five whole minutes. I nodded and considered the party.

**"Doesn't this strike you as odd? Nobody throws a party for you unless force them too." Shukaku was also wearing a tie and a tux as he sat on a couch and watched Falcon Beach reruns...yes, in my mind. **

I rolled my eyes at my inner self. "I don't care, I'm not the kind of guy who passes a party." I replied to both Temari and Shukaku. "Call Kankuro and tell him I'm cancelling the salad party at Olive Garden and moving it to Bahama Breeze. I'm going to Kimi's party and will be at the restaurant by 9 o'clock."

"If you say so." Temari started texting all of her friends.

**"But Jackass, Kimi hates your guts. He's probably setting you up...and I was in the mood for a venician salad, too." Shukaku pouted in disappointment, watching his dreams of eating the lettuce vanish from his mind...causing more disappointment.**

I ignored him and grabbed my coat as I went outside. Once I reached outside, I started to walk to Kimi's apartment.

/16 minutes later/

I took the elevator to the fouth floor and approached what seemed to be the front door to Kimi's apartment. There was no music coming from Apartment 30. I figured he'll wait until I came. I knocked, but nobody answered after 5 minutes. I decided to go in anyway. "Uh...Kimi?"

**Silence.**

"Kimimaro, it's me, Gaara!"I shouted, expecting him to rush out...not wearing any pants...and looking really. HOT... Wait...Why the hell did I just think that? Shukaku, stop playing with my mind.

**"But it's twice as fun as your Floam!"**

"Listen, we've talked about this. You. Got. to. Stop. Getting. The. Wrong. Idea. ESPECIALLY from commercials like those. Remember what you did to me after you saw that Blendy Pens commercial?" Gaara was lecturing his inner demon as Shukaku took out a large tub of a squishy green substance.

**"It's fun you can feel!" Shukaku was now making a Tiara out of floam.**

I shuddered, then concentrated on the party.

A figure appeared from the bathroom. It was wearing what looked like a silky white gown. It's hair was long and black, a peaceful expression among it's face. I figured she was a party guest, so I started to walk toward her.

**"Jackass, watch out."**

"Hello." The figure winked and said in a voice that filled the air with suspicion. Almost like this was a bad idea, but I'm King of Bad Ideas, so what could possibly go wrong?

I cleared my throat as I apprached her. "Hey, are you here for Kimi's party?"

The woman made a sound...not a sound of complaining...more like a sound of PLEASURE. He spoke again in that same manly voice. "Gaara-sama. I AM Kimi's party."

"..."

Haku smiled in response, thoughts filling his mind.

**(end Gaara's pov)**

**--------**

Back at Kakashi's apartment, Naruto, Sakura, and Sasuke had gone somewhere, to Bahama Breeze to dine with Gaara's family and the others...Gaara not being there. Temari called the earlier telling them that the Italian party at Olive Garden was cancelled because Gaara had to go to Kimi's, but that never stopped them, of course. They knew Gaara wouldn't mind anyway.

But all the readers know the saying 'the students are away, the senseis will play', right? Well, it's true. For the past 6 hours, they've been eating ice cream...in a non-healthy way. Kinda like...giving Gai-sensei a bath, put it like that.

They were taking the party to the living room now, all of them in their Hawaiian shirts only.

"You young whipper snappers, partying all day and night." Tazuna smiled as he played a hawaiian tune on the steel drums and nodded toward the conga line going on while he played.

Asuma lit another cigarrette. "Easy for you guys to say. I got a brain freeze duing that last game." he corrected Tazuna, remembering the horrors of what happened to him.

_Kurenai was wearing a headband, racing shoes, and a hawaiian shirt. Nothing else.I her hand as a can of Cool Whip."Ready, set, go!"_

_Asuma had my Plaza Hotel hat on, as I looked at the others, then whispered to Kurenai, who was next to him."Mmm, I'm Asuma the bellhop."_

_"Asuma, stop it with the bellhop, you did that one last weekend." Kurenai nudged him. "I'm taking one scoop."_

_Baki was squeezing the the Hershey's syrup onto the piles of ice cream sitting on Gai's 'package'. "I'll take three!"_

_Asuma took out a wad of money from his wallet on the counter. "I bet 80 bucks I can eat 30 scoops of this stuff."_

_The others did the same. "You're on!"_

_/about 5 scoops later/_

_"Argh, BRAINFREEZE!"_

_"Keep on going, Asuma!" Kakashi smiled and applied another scoop on Gai for Asuma to eat. Asuma clutched his head in pain._

_"I need to stop."_

_"You realize if you stop eating, you're going to lose the bet." Kakashi informed him, cherry pit in his mouth. "Kurenai, turn him on again."_

_"w00t, Asuma!" Kurenai shook the whipped cream can and sprayed some on Asuma's head. "Let me clean that up for you with my 'broom'"_

_Gai got up and made a grab for the caramel bottle. "I'm the Oxiclean!" _

_/slap/_

_"No, ass wipe, I'M the oxiclean!" Baki stated, grabbing the caramel bottle from Gai. Then, they started what should be known as a pantless caramel fight!_

_"Baki, you're MR. Clean!"_

_"YOU'RE Mr. Clean!" Baki kicked Gai in the shin. Gai gave Baki a shin-kick in return. _

_"You're the bald guy!"_

_**"-GUYS! I AM SERIOUS THIS TIME!"**_

_"Relax, Asuma...lucky for you, I have Kankuro's HeadOn." Baki and Tazuna nodded, as if they were geniuses inventing the cure for the common cold._

Kurenai sighed. "It wasn't my fault Asuma. Gai's the one who kneed Tazuna's LifeAlert."

"I thought Kakashi did that!" Tazuna stopped playing, shocked from what he was hearing. "Gai, you young whipper snapper, it took a lot of explaining to do to the guys who came to see if I was ok!"

"Well, it's not my fault if I have these long dancer's legs. Plus your beard was tickling my sensitive...and my I add, VERY sensitive, package." Gai stated in response.

"I saw an episode of 60 Minutes saying that HeadOn didn't work. It's not true." Asuma was applying another dose of the glue-stick-like headache relief onto his forehead.

Baki thought for a moment, then shrugged."Well, Kankuro said he gave it magic."

Asuma kept on using it, strange looks from Kurenai, Tazuna, and Kakashi, two thumbs up from Gai. Kakashi stepped out of the conga line and pulled some pants on, making everyone disappointed. "Damn Gai, those guys almost arrested me!"

"Again, not my fault."

"I'm gonna get an Icee at 7-Eleven." Kakashi slammed the door behind them. Everyone else shrugged and continued what they were doing, but what Kakashi didn't know is that they were starting to have ideas! Yes, they always get the wrong idea when it invovels something with the words "do", "did", or "icee" in it...that's obviously how the sensei's are. Average ordinary grown-ups...in the state of communication, as they like to call it.

/3 minutes later/

"I'm back, guys!"

"ICEE!" Kurenai and the other men tackled Kakashi, one of them stealing Kakashi's Icee and running back towards his bedroom. The others quickly followed, leaving the clueless Kakashi behind.

"Why am I always the one left behind? Anyway...Naruto wants be at Bahama Breeze, but I don't want to go to Gaara's party. I'm afraid he'll kill me if I give him a gift he hates...what should I do now?"

"I know." An imaginary version of a miniature angel Kakashi appeared on Big Kakashi's right shoulder. "You should buy another Icee, then go to Bahama Breeze to be with your students while they're celebrating their friend's birthday. It would be right!" Angel Kakashi smiled and blushed, a halo appearing over his head. "Just think about how happy Gaara would be."

"Pffth. Yeah, right." Devil Kakashi appeared on Big Kakashi's left shoulder, holding a red pitchfork. "I called my friend Kimi and told him to give Gaara a Happy Birthday/Martin Luther King 'party'. He won't be showing up at BB for a LONG time."

Angel Kakashi crossed his arms. "But still, you need to be with your students. They depend on you if anything goes wrong, Kakashi! Anyway, Devil Kakashi's lying. I'm sure Gaara would love your gift. It's the thought that counts!"

"Don't listen to that Angel Bastard, Kakashi. Stay here and plow with your friends, that monster never did anything to you, yet he'll kill you when you show up giving him a damn Tommy Hilfiger watch. That bastard's world is being rocked by Haku right now."

Big Kakashi evilly grinned. "That's what the red-headed demon gets for eating my Meatball Marinara."

/shot/

Devil Kakashi flew of Big Kakashi's shoulder and slammed against the wall. Blood spewed out as he slowly slid toward the floor. Big Kakashi looked at his right shoulder to see Angel Kakashi giving him a death look, sniper gun in hand.

"LISTEN TO ME! YOU GET YOUR ASS TO THAT PARTY RIGHT NOW OF I'LL SHOOT YOU!"

"Oh god, this is worse than the time that Iruka tried to touch me at the PTA meeting." Kakashi closed his eyes as a flashback developed.

_"Naruto is very...good. At poetry. He made one up that truly explains my feeling for you, Kakashi." Iruka took out a paper and started reading from it. "The way Kakashi's hair blows in the wind, makes me wanna experiment with him. And by experiment with him I mean have sex with him. And by have sex with him I mean experiment with him. That's how much he means to me." Iruka hugged Kakashi and held him ever-so-gently. _

_Kakashi slowly stepped back. Towards the exit-back. "Yeah...you're just a friend."_

Angel Kakashi smacked Kakashi on the head...not that it made any effect. "THANK YOU, YOU GAVE ME THIS IMAGE!" he yelled. big Kakashi gave a gulp as he closed his gun handle-thingy. "Go. To. Bahama. Breeze. NOW!"

------------

It was 9: 30. Gaara was supposed to be at Bahama Breeze half an hour ago, but the waiters can't wait forever, so they started without him. Shikamaru sighed and finally ordered his drink. "Diet Mountain Dew."

The waiter, who was impatiently waiting for about 5 minutes for Shikamaru to choose a drink, wrote that down on a notepad.

Temari leaned against Shikamaru and put her arm around him, Shikamaru not minding because he fell asleep a few seconds ago. "Waiter, do you think my boyfriend is hot?"

"No. May I start you off with a drink?" the waiter asked in a bored tone...an 'I really wish I weren't here right now' button pinned on his vest.

"Uh...Pina Colada. And your button looks very familiar." Temari ordered and pointed to the button.

The waiter sighed. That's one Pina Colada I'll be pissing in, he thought. "Whatever. You guys?"

"I want Chef Boyardee!" shouted Naruto. "Believe it! Believe it, Mr. Waiter, believe it!"

The waiter slammed his notepad on the table, along with his pen. "If you say 'believe it' one more time...I'LL DRAG YOU TO THE SUSHI TABLE AND CHOP YOUR BALLS **OFF!**"

"Okay...Chef Boyardee for me please!" Naruto determinedly gave the waiter a hug.

The waiter shoved Naruto off. "I can only imagine being your supervisor. Okay...diet sodas all around?"

"Um...actually, I wanted a Spri-" Tenten was cut off by the waiter, who nodded and wrote 'diet cokes'. Then he took off, getting as far away from the table as possible. Tenten rolled her eyes. "What the hell is HIS problem?"

Sakura blinked. She was drawing pictures of Sasuke on the paper-made tablecloth. "I dunno...hey guys, where's Gaara?"

Lee thought for a minute, then shrugged. He then turned to the raven-haired ninja he loves to torture, otherwise known as Sasuke. "Hey, Sasuke, let's make a bet"

Sasuke thought for a minute. This was a bet that he will surely win, since Gaara is always late for everything. "Okay, fine. I'll bet you my Hilfiger shorts that he'll come late...if he doesn't show up, we exchange wardrobes. If he does, you give me your spandex."

"Deal!" Lee was sure he would win. If he got Sasuke's outfit then all of the chicks will flock to him...not that they did. Sasuke's Nikes didn't work at all.

/the next morning/

It was a peaceful sunday. Trafic was light as Kankuro was in the living room doing his morning Sunday Ritual, with his puppet.

"In Gotham City, one with the power to stop the evil forces of the Joker is BAAAAAATMAN!" Kankuro was wearing his batsuit and a load of make-up. His puppet was cosplaying as the Joker as a few stuffed animals were dressed as local citizens. He grabbed a stuffed dog dressed as a woman and made it fall off the table. "DON'T WORRY MARTHA I'LL SAVE YOU!" Kankuro made a dive to catch the dog.

/crash/

"Oww." Batman Kankuro was rubbing the bruise on his head. Either way, it's time for THAT part of the ritual. He took out the love pillow that he found in Baki's closet. SUPPOSEDLY, it was what Baki was going to give him next Christmas. He then got on the couch...

"I'M AM GOING. TO KICK. HIS. HAIRY A-holy shit." Gaara was now staring at Kankuro. Kankuro quickly hid 'Margaret' and rubbed the make-up off his face. 5 minutes later, he was casually on the couch. "Uh. Hi Gaara."

"I forgot it's Sunday, Kankuro." Gaara sat down on the couch...then quickly got up after taking in what happened on that couch. It was then that Temari and Shikamaru had walked into the apartment building.

"GAARA, YOU STOOD US UP." Temari yelled at him. Gaara gave a glare back, then shook his head no.

"I did NOT stand you up. Kimimaro stood me up."

"Aww, Gaara. What he do, lure you into thinking that he accepted you but then find out that he had nothing planned for you, so he broke heart?"

"NO, he hired this transvestite PROSTITUTE to 'Rock Around The Clock' with me. I HATE HIM!" Gaara shouted, twitching from recalling what happened last night

_"So. Let's get this party started." Haku, being as fast as a speeding bullet, took Gaara by his wrist and pulled him into a room against his will, locking the door behind him. He picked up the demon and threw him onto the heart-shaped bed, in which he locked Gaara onto using hand-and-leg-cuffs. "Now. A friend called me saying you didn't recieve enough love in the past._

_"What...the fuck..." Gaara tried to get free, but neertheless he was still cuffed to the bed. _

_**"Ahh, so THAT'S his game! Oh, good for you, you lucky bastard." Shukaku was watching his dream to get seducted like that by a man/woman happen to his outer demon. **_

_"Shukaku? What the hell do I do!"_

_**"Shh. Play along with him and let HIM do all the work. Then get him to confess." Shukaku vanished.**_

_"Um...okay...yes, now all my chances of love is right here...in front of me..." Gaara brought his lips to Haku's. He made a mental note to wash his mouth out with Colgate IMMEDIATELY after he got home._

_Haku, however, sensed that Gaara wanted more..._

"Awesome." Kankuro rose his hand in a high-5 pose, but then slowly lowered it down when he realized Gaara was not going to high-5 him back.

Shikamaru opened his eyes. "So, like...you're a hoerunner now?"

Gaara blinked in confusion, not being on Shikamaru's wavelength. "Uh...what?"

"My uncle used to drive a hoerunner." Kankuro informed Shikamaru.

"Just leave me the hell alone. I need a plan." Gaara paced around the kitchen, thinking of some deliciously-evil scheme to get back at Kimimaro.

/30 seconds later/

"This calls for desperate measures...I need my bomb." Gaara was now in his room...thrashing it and looking for Mandark, his beloved teddy bear he hid a bomb in after the Uncle Yashamaru incident. After 5 minutes, he gave up...seeing it's nowhere to be found. "KANKURO!"

"What." Kankuro was on the couch, playing Mario Football on his PSP as Gaara ran into the living room.

"Where's Mandark?"

"Who?" Kankuro didn't look up for the PSP. Gaara then grabbed it in exaspiration, throwing it at the wall, causing it to break into a million pieces. He turned to face his now-crying brother in a Batman Suit.

"My teddy bear. The one with the bomb in it." Gaara was now tapping his foot in impatience, arms crossed, ready to kill Kankuro is he says 'I don't know'.

A puzzled look spread upon Kankuro's face. "...there was a bomb in it?"

"Was?"

Kankuro gave him a how-could-you-not-know look. "Uhh. I gave it to Goodwill."

Silence

Gaara was now pointing a knife at Kankuro's neck."Oh, you BETTER be joking, Kankuro. Because he's one of my best friends and you know as well as I do that you should NEVER give any of my personal belongings to charity. Plus, I need to blow off Kimi's head NOW."

Kankuro slowly moved Gaara's knife-holding hand away from his neck. As soon as it was away from killing distance, he tried to make his baby brother feel better. "Relax, Gaara. Here's an idea. Go back to Build-a-Bear workshop and make another one."

/bitch slap/

"IDIOT. Who knows when he could strike next?"

**"Fuck that nigga up. FUCK that nigga UP!" Shukaku was cheering for Gaara while drinking a 40 and wearing a football helmet, a NFL party going on. He held up a poster as the Kyubi, Sanbi, and Nibi were in the background, doing the Cha Cha Slide.**

"Don't curse, Shukaku. You're setting a bad example for the kids." Gaara pointed out.

"Uh, WHAT?" Kankuro had a Band-aid on his head and looked up at his demon sibling. Gaara waved his hand in reply. "Not you, Kan. Shukaku."

I'm going to hire an excorcist, Kankuro thought as Gaara stood there,appearing to be talking to himself.

/5 seconds later/

"-YOU DON'T HAVE KIDS!" Kankuro shouted...then a thought crawled into his mind. He doesnt, right?

Gaara raised an eyebrow...or whatever he had of an eyebrow. "The kids reading the STORY."

"Oh...wait, what story? And why the hell are you having a party anyway?" Kankuro asked.

**"BECAUSE, it's a NFLDDR party." the racoon demon got on his DDR machine. His friends cheered him on as he was stepping on the arrows. "CHA HIGH SCORE! INTITALS, P-W-N. BITCH!" **

"Whatever. I'm going to Build-a-Bear." Gaara got his coat and left. Kankuro followed him.

"Gaara, wait up. I need more citizens for Batman." he locked the apartment door and followed whom he feared.

----------------------

"Shino." Kiba was at Wal-Mart, grabbing Shino by his collar and pulling him behind the yard aisle.

"Kiba, I hope you DO realize that this is like...against the law or somethin'." Shino said to Kiba. Kiba shushed him down as Hinata appeared next to Kiba, a fearful look on her face.

"K-kiba...what are we doing h-here?" Hinata whispered, afraind of what Kiba has in store for her. (Get it? Store? Wal-mart? Eh, bad pun. o.o xD)

Kiba looked around to see if anyone was near. Seeing that there wasn't, he leaned toward Hinata.

"We're going to steal some bikes."

"Kiba! That's illegal! That's even worse than that idea you had when we were at Chuck E. Cheese's!" Hinata gasped and try to convice Kiba out of it.

_"Ski-ball. The ultimate sport of concentration...IS ABOUT TO BE PWNED, BY THE SKI-BALL LEGEND. Kiba Inuzuka." Kiba grinned and pointed off into the distance in triumph. Shino shruuged and played with a bug while the ski-balls were released into the opening of the machine._

_Kiba grabbed one and easily threw it in the hole. "Hah. Easy peezy. Hinata, your turn." he said as handed a ski-ball to Hinata. Hinata has never ski-balled before, so Kiba had to teach her. "Now. Listen up. Take some notes from the master."_

_"Uh...yes, K-kiba." Hinata took out a notepad and a pen. After rubbing it on the page to get some ink, she wrote what Kiba said._

_"Concentrate on your destination. YOU are the ball. Now, roll it onto the ramp and let it take you where you want to go." he advised her. _

_Hinata threw the ball onto the rim of the hole. The ball, unfortunately, hit the rim and bounced off it and onto some poor soul's head._

_/bump/_

_"OW!" Shikamaru was now clutching his head in pain. "HINATA!"_

_"Sorry!" Hinata blushed and apologized. "Kiba, I didn't make it. Can I have some more advice?"_

_"Advice? Fuck, girl. Am I supposed to be a psychiatrist? When I grow up, I'm gonna be an electrician." Kiba tossed another ball into the hole...or not. Hinata watched as the ball boucned off the rim and hit someone on the head...again._

_/bump/_

_"ARGH." Shikamaru fell onto the floor in pain. He looked under the Ski-ball machine as he fell. "Hey, someone dropped a token!"_

_"Sorry Shikamaru!" Kiba apologized as well, sounding like he was enjoying it. He then thought for a moment. "OOH, GUYS. Let's go to Wal-mart."_

"Well, this is different. And besides, he deserved to be hit on the head, because that bastard stole my bag of Doritos." Kiba made sure te coast was clear. He then dragged Shino and Hinata to the bike rack. "Hurry, pick one."

"Um...uh..." Hinata stammered. Kiba gave her a look that said 'pick NOW' and she took a pink one. Shino's was a Jurrasic Park themed one. Kiba's was a red Magma one.

Team 9 quickly got on the bikes and rode out of the store, passing the cashier. After they were about 40 blocks away, Kiba raised a fist in victory. "YEAH!"

"That was...to close..." Hinata was crying. "WON'T WE GET ARRESTED?"

"Pffth. NO. And besides, we got like...bikes now." Kiba, Hinata, and Shino removed the price tags from the bikes and rode to McDonalds, where, surprisingly, they ran into Team Ino!

Ino approached Kiba. "No I'm not buying your food. Now get outta my face." Kiba walked away from the dissapointed Ino. "What brings you guys here?"

"Owowow." Shikamaru gave Kiba and Hinata a look, holding a bag of ice to his head. "This is literally such a pain...and you all know Choji."

Choji was ordering some food from the cashier. "Uhh...A sixtruple pounter with extra cheese in layer one, onions on layer 2..."

"And, Naruto's group is here."

"HI KIBA, HINATA, AND SHIIIIIIINOOOOO!" Naruto sang off key as he spun around, colliding into a table and tripping. Sakura gave him a thump on the head, embarrased by Naruto's behavior.

"YOU'RE EMBARRASING THE HELL OUT OF YOURSELF, NARUTO!" She yelled at him. Hinata quickly blushed and looked down. "Hi...N-naruto..."

Sasuke was standing a few meters away...wearing a green spandex...an I-really-wish-I-weren't-here-right-now button pinned onto his spandex as well. He looked angry/embarrased and was tapping his foot in impatience. I wonder where everyone gets that button...oh well. Kiba took out a digital camera. "HAHAHA, BLACKMAIL!"

"Kiba, you're like...evil." Shino was making a flower necklace out of some daisies he found outside the restaurant. Some bugs were crawling on the table in which he sat at.

Kiba ignored him. "What. Ever. I'm putting this on Myspace."

Sasuke shut his eyes and banged a fist on the table. "Shut up." He said through gritted teeth. Kiba took another snapshot as Choji, Sakura, Naruto, Shikamaru, Ino and Hinata joined Shino, Kiba, and Sasuke.

"Hey guys. Look at this." Kiba showed a picture of Shikamaru sitting on a chair, with his legs open. He was holding a hot-dog to that 'place' which seperates the boys from the men...you get the picture. With the other hand, he was pouring mustard on it. Everybody tried to keep from laughing except Hinata and Shikamaru himself.

"FUCK KIBA, THAT'S NOTHING BUT DAMN PHOTOSHOP!" Shikamaru tried to take Kiba's camera and destroy it...but Kiba, being Kiba, had already saved it onto his hard drive...Shikamaru doesn't know that.

Hinata tried to get Kiba to stop being...himself. "Kiba, that's very rude...ESPECIALLY when we're about to eat lunch."

Kiba shut his camera off and turned to his teammate. "Aww, Hinata. This couldn't be worse then that time I blackmailed Neji while playing I Never."

_"Come on Neji, let's play I Never!" Kiba did a 'Gai-wink.' Neji glared at him. _

_"...yeah, only if you promise never to do that again." the Hyuga Branch memeber sat down with Kiba, Lee, and Shino, beer bottles all around him. _

_Lee winked. "Okay, here's the deal. I say something I never did, but you have to drink a sip of beer if you did the thing I said I never did. Okay? And you cannot use it for blackmail."_

_"Tell Kiba to get rid of the video security camera, then." Neji glanced up toward the corner of the room, his eyes fixed on the camera set un on the corner. _

_Kiba froze, then scratched the back of his head. "Uh...yeah. It's off." _

_Lee started. "Okay. I never kissed a guy on the lips playing truth or dare."_

_Nobody drank. Kiba went next. "Uh...I never cried because Wildfire was cancelled."_

_Only Neji drank. Shino went next. "Uh...I never did the same thing, only for season one of Kyle XY."_

_Again, only Neji drank._

_/42 drinks later/_

_Kiba, Shino, and Lee were still playing, a near-full bottle of beer in front of each of them. Neji was drunk and there were empty beer bottles everywhere. Lee went again. "I never cried during the part when the alien dies on E.T."_

_"Oh...my...god..." Neji drank another sip, then nearly fell over. He was saved by Shino. _

_"I never did my cousin at Kurenai-sensei's Halloween party." Kiba shrugged, hoping Neji didn't do it._

_"Stop it, Kiba!" Neji took another sip. "It doesn''t count. We were playing Truth or Dare on AIM earlier and Kankuro DARED MEEEE!"_

_"What a baby." Shino mumbled, then spoke louder. "It's destiny, Neji. It was like...meant to happen and stuff. I never did the same thing, except on Easter Sunday with Tenten."_

_"DAMN YOU ALL." after another sip, Neji fainted from overdose. Shino, Kiba, and Lee all got up and ckecked on him._

_Lee kicked him. "Damnnnn...he's out cold...hey...Let's write on him!" Lee, Kiba, and Shino did a 'Mr. Grinch' smile as they took out Crayola markers._

"Oh. My. God..." Team Ino and Team Naruto were staring open-mouthed at Kiba. Ino spoke. "That was YOU?"

"Why, DUH. Later that night, I uploaded it on YouTube." Kiba seemed proud of himself.

Naruto crawled under the table, where he found a french fry on the floor and ate it. "GO KIBA!"

-------

"The little girl went outside and found a kitten on her door step. She picked the kitten up and went back insode the house. She asked her mommy is she can keep him. 'Please Mommy, can I keep him?' the little girl said. The little girl's mommy thought. 'Okay. You can keep him.'" Moegi was reading from a book.

In front of her sat Konohamaru, Udon, Inari, Hanabi, and a few more ninja academy students, all sitting on mats. Among them was Kimimaro, Sakon, Tayuya, Kidoumaru, and Jiroubu on mats as well, each holding a carton of milk and a cookie.

/pause/

"Booooo." Hanabi broke the silence by standing up and cupping her hands around her mouth...she was using Byakugan, which meant she could see through clothes, a gift a LOT of people would kill to have. "HEY! YOU FROM PLANET BAD HAIR DO! HEY YOUR HAIRY ORANGE ASS OFF.THE. STAGE. Unless you're gonna be reading an Avatar book." Hanabi loved Avatar, The Last Airbender. In her words, ANYONE WHO TOUCHES ZUKO BURNS IN HELL, may Lord Zuko eat you with A-1 steak sauce.

Moegi dropped her book in shock. Yondaime Hokage (I'm just gonna call him Yondaime. o.o) stood up from his desk and patted Moegi's back. "There there, Moegi. Hanabi, have I ever told you the story about when I sealed the Kyubi inside a child, then died in the process? It costs your own life to save the whole village, and I did everything I can to protect it. People had to beg Orochimaru to revive me."

Hanabi narrowed her eyes. "Pussy."

"Hanabi!" Konohamaru turned to Hanabi in surprise.

"WHAT, there's this old bitch three times as old as MR. ROGERDAIME over here who sealed a monster inside a child as well, and SHE'S still alive." Hanabi said to Konohamaru.

Tayuya nudged Kimimaro. "Why the fuck are we even here?"

"Shh. Tayuya. I'll explain it to you later, but right now I want to know what happens to the cat." With that, Kimimaro gestured for Moegi to go on, Yondaime signaling for Hanabi to sit down. She did was she was told, yet she glared at Kimimaro and raised a clenched fist at him. "This isn't over."

--------------

"Alright men...and girl." Gaara said as he walked down the row consisting of Kankuro, Temari, Lee, Neji, and Tenten. Team Gai wanted in on this...just except for Gai. He had other things to do. Gaara was wearing a burgundy overcoat with fishnet wrists, with burgundy pants with fishnet ankles to match. It was Armani. An ivory white sash was worn around his shoulder and tied around his waist.

"Our mission to get back at Kimimaro will be compleated by all means neccesary. We have to fight, yet be unsuspecting at the same time. Now. Here's our first mission." Gaara pointed to...a chalkboard with stick figures drawn all over it. He then started whispering very quietly, informing Team Gai and his siblings abotu his plan for revenge.

"...and that's what we have to do. We'll begin tommorrow morning, when the enemy is at school. Any questions?" Gaara looked at his comrades.

"Gaara, sir!" Temari stated. "I must say I love your outfit. It goes great with your hair."

"Agreed, sir Gaara." Tenten nodded and turned to her friends. "Don't you imagine that somewhere in a parallel universe, he's roaming around with a large gourd on his back taking the lives of innocent people using sand?"

Team Gai, Kankuro, and Temari put their hands to their chins and nodded their heads as Gaara opened his closet and pulled his gourd out.

-------------

"Kakashi, where have you been?" Kurenai greeted him as he walked into his apartment.

Kakashi looked tired, like he's been up all night waiting for a kid who could kill him in 3 seconds."Kurenai, I'm not in the mood." Then Kakashi noticed something very odd.

Kurenai was dressed. "Kakashi, let's go to Publix."

"No." Kakashi answered, then looked at his empty refridgerator. "Okay fine."

/later/

The senseis walked into Pubkix as Kakashi took out a list. "Okay guys. I wrote a list of what to buy. Now, we'll divide the list by 5, then we'll split up and complete the l-"

Kakashi looked up from his list to see that his friends weren't there...they were running to the ice-cream aisle. "...okay, nevermind."

-----------

End of Chapter 3. xD Gaara's plan is Chapter 4. Thanks for reading and stuff.

Kimi: Eh...there just wasn't enough 'me' in it. o.o MY PLAN WORKED PERFECTLY!


	4. Chapter 4, Gaara's plan

Ch. 4, KNY

AKA Gaara's Plan to Get Back at Kimimaro for Getting Back at Him

By Neji Hyuga

Yo everybody xD Welcome to another chapter of KNY

Thansk for the people who reviewed and the lazy people who don't review. Is Kimi that mean you didn't review?

Kimi: ME? points to Kiba -.-

Anyway Characters will be OOC/I don't own Naruto, Naruto owns me

**Chapter dedicated to SilverCat/DesertRose**

**--------**

Monday morning. Kids go to school. Senseis play games.

Meanwhile, at central park

"All right, you drive a hard bargain, but let's strike a deal. You give me my sandwich, and I'll make you head of the Akatsuki Incorporation for the Konoha state branch. Seems like a fair trade, doesn't it? It's a real easy job, doesn't require that much experience." Marcus paced back and forth, then stopped to face the picnic table. A picnic basket was sitting on the surface as the other Akatsuki members were behind their Leader, eyeing him with a confused look.

(Note from the Author: I dunno the name of the AL, so we'll just say that Marcus is his pen/code name.)

"Sir Marcus. Might I say you just open the basket and take the sandwich out?" Sasori finally asked his leader.

Marcus merely glanced at his employee. "Hey, I THINK I'm your boss, and I THINK, I know what I'm doing." He opened the basket and took out a sandwich. A few minutes later, everyone was seated under a tree or on the ground or at the table, eating their picnic food.

later

Deaidara, Sasori and Tobi were just about finished with their food. Deidara was making a finger sign while Sasori was eating a Go-Tart. Tobi was singing The Ants Go Marching One-by-one.

"SHUT UP! SHUTUPSHUTUP. SHUT. UP! Bastard mofo." Sasori threw his go-tart on the ground and angrily stood up as Tobi sang in his direction.

Deidara coughed and sent out a paper bird from his hand,. which he flies on. "BIRD NO JUTSU!"

/poof/

"I'm off to fly and see the city. BYE SASORI AND TOBI!" Deidara flew off as Sasori threw a tennis ball in the horizon, which Tobi ran on 4 feet to chase.

Itachi was seated by a tree trunk eating a ham n' cheese sandwich, some other food surrounding him. Kisame was behind the tree, a few seconds later he appeared holding a bowl of something, which he set next to Itachi. Itachi grabbed the bowl of caviar spread and spead some onto saltine crackers. "If Sasuke was writing about his biggest adventure, I wonder what he would write about?"

Kisame shrugged as Itachi ate his caviar crackers. "Who knows who cares. Maybe it's about his struggles about climbing Mt. Everest or being involved in a shooting case for the CIA or something."

(In Sasuke's class)

"Okay guys, listen up. Write an essay about your biggest most thrilling adventure. Turn it in for a grade, blah blah blah. I'm gonna watch two dolphins during mating season on Discovery Channel while picturing one as me, myself and I..." Iruka sang to his students yet saying that last sentence quietly to himself.

Kiba was writing his essay. "One...day...I...took...a picture...of Sasuke...and I used Photoshop Elements...to make it look like he's fucking my algebra teacher Mr. Orochimaru, then I put the picture into my LiveJournal...then Sasuke foudn out and we played Hide n' Seek Around New York, and a car almost ran over my puppy." he said out loud as he wrote.

Sasuke thought, then picked up a pencil and began writing a WONDERFUL ADVENTUROUS story. "Once...Upon...A time...I climbed a tree. And imagine...My surprise...When I came across a BIRDS NEST... in the...Tree."

(back at the picnic)

"Yeah, you're right. It'll probably be thrilling and stuff." Itachi ate another caviar cracker.

"Don't mind me, but I took the liberty of fertilizing your caviar." Kisame smiled and stated to his partner, who was now spitting out his snack.

----------

"Alright, maggots. Today we're going to play DODGEBALL. " Anko shouted to her P.E. class, a banner falling from the ceiling reading 'Dodgeball with Anko "Dirty Gonzales" Mitarashi.' A cricket chirp was heard, then Anko read the names for the teams.

"Maggot Team one, Uzumaki, Uchiha, Haruno, Inuzuka, Aburame, Hyuga H." she called out to her group of 'maggots', as she liked to call them, as the said people formed a group.

"Maggot team 2, Gaara, Kankuro, Temari, Hyuga N, Rock Lee, Tenten."Anko read again, a new group forming.

"Maggot Team 3. Nara, Yamanaka, Akimichi, Kaguya, Tayuya, Sakon." Anko finished off the list. Jiroubu and Kidoumaru decided to watch rather than play.

After the teams were settled, they moved outside to the field. Normally, dodgeball was played in the gym, but Anko enjoyed the sheer pleasure of tormenting her students by forcing them to play in the scorching heat.

Anko blew hard on her whistle. "Any questions?"

Kimimaro stood up and shot a bone in the air. He then raised a fist up in triumph as Deidara crashed down in the background, his bird being ripped. "TEAM 3 OWNS YOU BIOTCH!"

"Riiiight..." Anko thought aloud. "Team 1 vs. Team 3. GO."

Kiba aimed a dodgeball at Choji. He threw it full-force.

/whack/

"DAMN YOU KIBA." Shikamaru was clutching his head again. Anko blew her whistle. "Nara, out."

"YEAH BITCH!" Kiba tore off his jacket and flashed his shirtless cough chest at Team 3's direction. "HOW YOU LIKE THAT?"

"...yeah...onto the game." Sakon stated while closing his eyes in disgust.

/eh, I don't really wanna do the game details...later/

"CHA! WE WON! YEAH!" Sakura shouted to Ino, rubbing it in. Ino glared at her and left.

Meanwhile, Gaara was out of the shower and dressed as he walked towards the door, awaiting to go home. He was blocked, however, by Kimimaro.

"So, you met my friend Haku Saturday night, eh Gaara?" Kimimaro smirked as Gaara gave a shiver.

**"JACKASS, TELL HIM THAT YOU'LL DO SOMETHING REALLY INTIMIDATING, LIKE MAKE HIS DICK EXPLODE!" Shukaku had a box of cracker jacks and was watching The Godfather as he gave his outer half some advice.**

"Shukaku, quiet." Gaara was now aruging with his inner demon as Kimi stood a few feet away watching what appeared to be Gaara yelling with himself.

Kimi gave a fierce growl at Gaara. "kay...HEY, FAGBAG. You're not in Egypt anymore, OVER HERE."

"I moved here from Arizona." Gaara corrected Kimimaro.

"Whatever. I shall now perform the 'In Your Face' dance." Kimi started to dance circles around Gaara, while wagging hit butt at him. "In your face, in your face, in your face in your face in your face,"

"Kimimaro. I'll get back at you, watch me." Gaara pushed pass Kimi and walked out of the gym and into the hallway. He then opened his locker to retieve his bokks.

"BOO!"

"ARGH!" Gaara yelled as he fell down. He looked up and saw Kankuro standing before him.

"Hey Gaara...you need to clean your locker. How's it with the plan?"

"SHH." Gaara led him into a hall closet and closed the door. "Well, it's hard to explain."

_Yaara's Auditions for An Evil Plan_

_Gaara was wearing a beret, sunglasses, and a black overcoat and shirt and pants. He also was holding a megaphone...it was then he took notice of the sign.._

_"Wait...WHO THE FUCK SPELLED IT WITH A Y?"_

_"SORRY GAARA! It was like...a typo...and...that." Tenten called out from another room. Gaara sighed and called in the first audition to find someone who's THAT evil. It was Chiyo, AKA the Old Lady who fed the birds at the park._

_"Listen, you old whore. You are evil for one certain reaso-"_

_**"I HEARD THAT."**_

_"Shut it, Shukaku. But, I don't know how you're material for this sort of thing." Gaara informed the elderly woman._

_"Don't worry sonny, I've been doing this for years. Chiyo cleared her throat and started to sing into the microphone. "I-"_

_"NEXT." Gaara closed his eyes and drank from his glass of water, an expressionless expression on his face._

_Chiyo glanced down in disappointment, then left, muttering swear words. Neji came out with a clipboard and read from it. "Next is Ino Yamanaka."_

_"Whatever. I need an evil person FAST." Gaara told the Hyuga as Ino came into the room wearing her same outfit as-usual._

_"I'm Ino Yama-"_

_"Point being? GO." Gaara made a gesture to make Ino prove she's evil._

_Ino gave an arrogant sigh as she stepped and pressed the play button while singing and dancing to the song. "My milkshakes bring all the boys to the y-"_

_Gaara cut her off, like the last audition. "Next."_

_Ino now sang a different song, getting the wrong meaning. "LET ME HEAR YOU SAY THIS SHIT IS BANANAS, B-A-N-A-N-A-"_

_"NEXT AUDITION." Gaara said even louder, cutting her off yet again_

_Ino thought...and sang another song. If it was anything she wanted, was to get Sasuke to notice her. "BITCH! AAAAARROZ RICO, SIRVEME MAMI FOR FAVOR-"_

_"I said NEXT." Gaara banged his fist ON the table and pointed at the exit. Ino, however, decided to sing even lourder, and more off-key. _

_"AND THE HOME...OF THE...**BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAVE**."_

_"NOT THE NEXT SONG THE NEXT PERSON."_

_**/later/**_

_**"**Neji. Why the FUCK are all of these people SINGING?" Gaara finally asked his comerade, a few more people who had been rejected because of their singing leaving the auditorium. _

_"Because they all think 'An Evil Plan' is this new band, and they'll get their own shirts at Hot Topic and stuff." Neji replied as he crossed a name off of his clipboard paper. _

_Gaara snatched it and hit him in the head with it. "DAMN YOU NEJI."_

_A voice interrupted Gaara and Neji's conversation. "Excuse me, do you need people to get revenge?" _

_"Uh. What?" Gaara turned around and saw six figures dressed in overcoats and hats, their faces not visible. _

_The first figure spoke. "We are a group of individuals known as THEY."_

_Figure 2's voice took over. "Gaara-sama. We will help you get your revenge, as long as you give us information about this 'Kimimaro.'."_

_"What the fuck. You said there will be KFC." Figure 3 kicked Figure 2's shin. Figure 2 and Figure 3 then started to wrestle. _

_Figure 1, 4, 5, and 6 all sighed. The leader, Figure 1, gave Gaara his card, which the Arazonian Gaara tossed behind him. "Gaara-sama. We were called by some girl saying that she has a brother who needed t get back at this guy, and trust us, we know how to deal with people like him."_

_THEY left, the leader dragging the people who were fighting away from Neji and Gaara._

"Then I told THEY the plan. Now shh, let's get out of here." Gaara said as the bell rang ending school.

---------------

Gaara's plan, part A.

Kimimaro locked up his apartment and went away somewhere, probably to the movies to see 'Snakes on a Plane.' A few minutes after, Lee, Neji, and Tenten walked to Kimi's apartment's door and stood in front of it.

Tenten spoke her thoughts. "Guys, I had a thought. Wouldn't Kimi take his ID to the movies?"

"Neh, if I know Kimi, he'd force the movie theater guy to let him in without the ID." Lee answered his teammate.

Neji blinked. "K, Gaara said to sneak in as quietly and unnoticably as possi-"

/slam/

"LEE!" Neji screamed in horror as Lee kicked the door open, causing it to fall backwards and break.

Lee scratched the back of his head as a sweatdrop appeared. "Oh. Uh...sorry. I just wanted it to be like the movies..."

"Never mind. GET IN." Neji, Tenten, and Lee walked into Kimi's apartment and looked everywhere for his I.D: the tables, chairs, under his bed, in cabinets, etc. It seemed like endless hours of searching, but they were running out of time, Kimi will be back soon.

"FOUND IT!" Lee grinned his sparkling grin as he held up Kimi's ID. "OH YEAH, COMO SE LLAMA, BONITA, MI CASA, SU CASA, ROCK LEE IS IN THE HOUSE, KUNG FU FIGHTERS EVERYWH-"

"Look you found the ID now will you shut your ass up?" Neji rolled his eyes as he donated a STFU-stared at Lee.

Tenten walked towards Lee. "Way to go, Lee!" she said as he gave Bushy-Brows a high-five. "YOU ROCK!"

Neji confirmed that it was indeed Kimi's ID. "Okay. Way to go. Where did you find it?"

"In the microrave, Neji-sir." Lee held his hand up to his head like when you say 'aye aye, captain.' Tenten decided to comment Lee again. "You're good a finding things, Rock Bitches."

"Oh...uh...you heard that?" Lee nervously said softly as he recalled the day he accidentally said his daydream out loud. Tenten nodded.

"Suits you well, too."

"What...the hell...oookay, at least we got the ID. Now, phase 2. We need to change the one thing Gaara said to change on this ID. Give it to Tenten, she'll do it."

Tenten took the ID card and a bottle of white-out. "Okay, Neji. What do I change?"

Neji sighed deeply and leaned back against Kimi's kitchen counter. "His birthday." Neji, Tenten, and Lee huddled so that Nejoi could tell them the specific birthdate Gaara wanted.

/a few seconds later/

"Holy cracker,s this is gonna be good." Lee smiled an evil Mr. Grinch smile. Neji modded in agreement as Tenten finished up the changing of the birthday.

"Okay!" Tenten said and put the ID back in the microwave. Team Gai quickly left the apartment and reported back to Gaara.

Gaara and Kankuro were playing checkers. Kankuro jumped Gaara's king and took his last piece away. "King me."

"Oh, FUCK YOU." Gaara literally tossed the table, causing the checker pieces and board to fly off. Pieces were scattered everywhere as Kankuro merely stared at his brother, a demonic aura coming from Gaara himself. Kankuro laughed nervously and backed off into his room where he was safe.

The door slammed open. "OOOOHHHHH, GAAAAAAARA! WE DID IT!" Lee winked at his leader. "Oh, and one more thing...we changed his middle name to Horis and last name to McTitties, and we switched his long distance service provider to AT&T."

"...why?...Eh, as long as you also got his birthday changed." Gaara gave Lee, Tenten, and Neji a sticker for good work. Tenten and Lee screamed with delight.

"HEEEHEE, STICKERS!"

Neji's face now showed embarrassment that he was actually in the same team with these two wierd-os. "Mother-"

"Shh, Neji. Watch your mouth." Gaara patted Neji on the head and actually smiled.

"LOOK WHO'S TALKING." Neji gave a dirty kill glare and pointed at Gaara while Lee and Tenten were in the background, happily skipping in circles.

-----------------

At Naruto's apartment, Naruto and Sasuke were playing Mortal Kombat Deception while Sakura was giving herself a manicure.

Sasuke's guy was beating up Naruto's guy badly. Naruto tried to dodge and counteratatck, but Sasuke used another move to try to knock out his opponent.

"I wonder where's Shikamaru's team." Naruto asked Sasuke as he pressed some buttons.

Sasuke pressed some buttons as well and made his player use a lightning-fist attack. "Whatever. OH YOU ARE SO DEAD!"

"Not in my life, Sask-gay!" Naruto muttered back.

Sakura painted another nail. "Oh my god. Guys, Kakashi left a note. I'll read it to you. It says:

_DEAR TEAM 7_

_I HAVE GONE OUT WITH MY FRIENDS. MAKE YOURSELF SOME PASTA RONI, BUT DON'T MAKE THE SHELLS AND WHITE CHEDDAR KIND, WE'RE USING THAT ONE TONIGHT_

_LOVE KAKASHI_

What does he mean by 'We're USING it?'" Sakura wondered out loud as she shook her hand to dry her nails.

Sasuke shrugged and made his character knock out Naruto's. "I'm ripping your head off now." he informed Naruto as his character ripped off Naruto's character's head, blood spewing out of his neck.

Naruto pouted and sat back on the couch while Sasuke's used his magical freeze kombat gun to turn his opponent's body to glass.

"I'm ripping out your heart, and throwing it at your body." Sasuke advised his teammate as Naruto's character broke into a million tiny pieces as the words PLAYER 1 LOSES appeared on the screen, flashing red.

The blond ninja went back to the menu screen and began to sing...actually ON-key. "And even when your hope is gone move along, move along just to make it through..."

"Go on go on go on go ONNNNNNNN." Sasuke finished the rest, but off-key.

Sakura turned to the news. "Guys, let's see what's on KNN"

"Welcome back to Konoha Network News with your anchor Hiashi Hyuga." Hiashi read from a paper.

Naruto was puzzled. "Hinata's dad?"

"And my co-anchor, Shizune!"

Shizune on the TV nodded. "Thanks, Hiashi. Anyway, news of a 6-year-old-boy who brought a teddy bear at Goodwill only to discover that it blew up the minute he started to sleep with it, is it only fate, or was it a bomb?"

"Gaara." Sakura, Sasuke, and Naruto said in unison immediately.

Hiashi took off where Shizune left off. "Thank you, Shizune. the FBI are wondering about the whereabouts of the original owner. Now we'll turn to Ibiki for the weather. Ibiki?"

"NICE AND CLEAR ON A SUNNY DAY." The bald man in the overcoat said, standing in front of a poster with the sun on it.

Hiashi spoke again. "Thanks, Ibiki. Now, also a new commercial. Text the word FUCK to 66466 for the hottest ways to get revenge at somebody."

-----------------

Meanwhile, Shino and Hinata were walking back to their apartment when they heard a noise from an alleyway.

"PSST, HINATA, SHINO."

"SHINO, IT'S A HOMELESS GUY TRYING TO MURDER ME! I DON'T WANNA DIE!" Hinata held onto Shino and started to cry, expecting a homeless murderer to jump out at them and stab them at any second. Shino looked around and awkwardly patted Hinata's back. "...Dude."

The voice was heard again, this time with a hint of urgence. "What the hell, IT'S ME, KIBA."

"Oh. Uh...h-hi Kiba." Hinata smiled as Kiba pulled her and Shino across the alleyway to a parking lot.

"Shh. Now, guess what."

"What." Shino said in a bored tone while Hinata blushed. Kiba slipped on some sunglasses and gave I'm-gonna-force-you-to-do-something-illegal grin.

"Wll, I've been thinking. The bikes that we stole yesterday didn't cover enough milage." explained Kiba. Shino nodded in agreement while Hinata raised an eyebrow, clearly meaning she doesn't like where this is going.

Kiba went on and nodded toward a very expensive-looking ocean-blue car. "So. We're gonna hotwire that Ferrari over there and drive to Spain."

"Oh. Okay, but I wanna be home by dinner, we're having quesadillas." Shino inwardly smiled towards the Quesadilla version of the Heavens.

Hinata froze in terror. "KIBA, THAT'S ILLEGAL!"

"Shut up Hinata. I also brought Akamaru with me." As if on cue, Akamaru stuck his head out of Kiba's jacket and gave an arf.

"Y-you can't DRIVE t-to Spain! There's a-an OCEAN between here a-and there." Hinata cried, pointing out that fact to the ciminal mastermind Kiba. Kiba roamed around the thoughts in his mind and chose another place.

"Fine. Let's drive to Acapulco."

**"-YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO DRIVE!"**

"THAT DIDN'T STOP ANY OF THE OTHER DRIVERS IN THE DAMN CITY HINATA!" Kiba dragged Hinata and Shino to the car when Kiba began to pick-pocket the lock. After it was opoen, they got in, including the reluctant Hinata. Shino and Hinata got into the backseat while Kiba took the drivers and began to hotwire the car.

While he was doing that, Hinata got in her fetal position again while Shino began to sing a counting song. "One two buckle my shoe, three four knock at the door..."

Shino stopped when the engine was heard. Kiba then closed the driver door and crawled in the upright position of his seat. He took hold of the steering wheel.

"Dear diary: Jackpot."

The three of them put on their seatbelts. Akamaru nestled safely in Kiba's jacket. Kiba put the car in drive and backed out of the parking lot.

"Holy shit. Does Kiba know to drive?" Shino asked Hinata. Hinata was too terrified to answer.

"Uno, dos, let's go m'fuckass." Kiba put the car in drive and slammed his foot on the pedal. The car quickly accelerated at are rate of 147 MPH. Kiba made sharp turns and twists as he tried to avoid the other cars. Hinata was screaming while Shino and Akamaru were rooting Kiba on, Kiba pretending that he's in NASCAR.

"INUZUKA TAKES A LEFT AND NOW THROWS PAINT AT SHIKAMARU!" While one hand on the steering wheel, Kiba use dhis other hand to throw yellow paint out the window, causing Team Ino to now be splattered head-to-tow in yellow paint. Kiba laughed meniacally as he sped off.

"Oh CRAP, my HAIR!" Ino had that terrified look on her face.

"Was that Kiba?" Shikamaru looked dazed. Choji began to lick the paint off his skin.

Kiba handed Hinata a paint can. "Here Hinata. You try it."

hinata took the paint can and stuttered. "B-but...K-kiba...what if they g-get ma-"

**"-TRY IT!"**

"-O-OKAY!" Hinata shut her eyes tightly as she threw the paint can out the window, hitting Yondaime Hokage on the head, causing him to fall off his bike and to be knocked out.

Kiba sped up and turned to Hinata. "Damn girl, you're supposed to take OFF the lid."

/a few blocks away/

"Lalalala. Hi Konohamaru." Hanabi said hello as she took out a Zuko plushie from her pants and gave it a hug. Konohamaru twitched as he approached the Hyuga girl riding his new blue Hot Wheels bike.

"Uhh. Yeah. Hanabi, look at my bike! It's blue! IT EVEN HAS TWO SPEEDS!"

"OH MY GOD. It'll be cooler is it was a Zuko bike." Hanabi voiced out her opinion.

Konohamaru didn't take it, however. He dismounted the bike and compared it with her Zuko plushie. "Hanabi, this bike's worth even more than you."

The Zuko-lover, with the benefit of all of her kendo skills, easily lifted up Konohamaru's bike and tossed it into the busy street, at which at that point was run over by 'Kiba's' car. Kiba then crashed into another car and a couple of street signs, causing them to fly over and a yield sign to barely fly past Konohamaru, nearly slicing him of his boyhood.

"Not anymore." Hanabi smirked to her friend, who was both on the verge of tears and happy that he's still a man.

"KIBA! STOP! PLEASE, STOP!"

"But if I go lower than 50, we're going to blow up!" Kiba replied to Hinata while Shino was videotaping every moment.

Hinata heard police sirens then looked behind her, catching a glimpse of two police cars following the Ferrari. "KIBA! WE'RE GOING TO BE ARRESTED!"

"No we ain't." Kiba slammed hard onto the pedal. By now they were by the Atlantic ocean., the city and police cars far behind them in the horizon. Kiba sped up towards a cliff, then looked behind his shoulder.

"GET OUT, NOW!"

Hinata, Shino, and Kiba with Akamaru, quickly opened their car doors and jumped our of the moving vehicle, just in time before it flew off a cliff into the ocean.

Hinata was shaking with fear. Shino was gasping for breath while Kiba and Akamaru looked down at the now-sinking car."Holy shit dude."

---------------

Gaara's plan, part B

"KIMIMARO! REMEMBER WHEN WE HAD A FACE-OFF OVER WHO CAN GO THE LONGEST WITHOUT THROWING UP AT SAKON'S MONTH OF MIYAZAKI PARTY!" Tayuya tackled Kimimaro to the ground.

"YES. I won." Kimimaro reminded her, then was interrupted by his ringtone, the song 'Chain Hang Low.'

Tayuya, Kidoumaru, Jiroubu, and Sakon started to laugh while Kimi blushed and let his phone ring. Then, after it was done, he checked his cellphone answering machine.

"Kimimaro Kaguya speaking. If you're hot bitch, leave a message. Otherwise I'm not interested. beep

Uh, Kimi. This is Gaar-err...Temari?"

"Oooh, Temari!" Kimi squealed with delight.

Sakon listened in. "Temari has a man voice and sounds like Gaara."

"SHH."

"Uhh...I'm having a Subway Luau at my apartment...but YOU can't come haha. See ya there." The cell phone indicated the the message was over.

Kimi got up and put his jacket on. "I'm gonna crash the party. Later."

"But you weren't invited!" Tayuya called after him, but Kimi ignored her.

/later/

Kimi knocked on the door. "HAHAHA TEMARI! I'M CRASHING YOUR PARTY!" Kimi went in anyway. He closed the door and left it unlocked.

"Psst, Gaara. Are you sure you don't want the door locked?" Temari whispered to Gaara while they were hiding in the bathroom.

Gaara shook his head no. "He can run all he wants, THEY will catch up to him no matter what."

Kimimaro noticed the house was empty. "Uhh. Temari?"

Kimi started to wander about, then went into a dark room. There, barely, he saw a table with Subway food on them, and 6 people in overcoats and hats standing side-by-side, with their backs faced toward Kimi.

"Uhh...Temari?"

"Kimimaro, is it?" Figure 1 spoke softly.

Kimimaro nodded. "Point being?"

Figure 5 spoke next. "Kimimaro, do me a favor. Switch the stereo button to 'on.'

Kimimaro pressed the on button...the song that was played is 'Hips don't Lie' by Shakira.

"So, Kimimaro. We knew you were coming." Figures 2, 3, 4, 5, and 6 said together. Figure 1 turned on the lights, then the figures each turned aroudn to reveal the Senseis.

**SILENCE.**

"...kay...I'm gonna be going n-" Kimimaro was cut off by all of the adutls in the room tackling him and dragging him onto a bed.

"So, Kimimaro, how old are you?" Asuma, AKA Figure 5, grinned pervertedly as all of the other Senseis held him down.

Kimimaro showed him his ID. "15, DUH."

Kurenai, Figure 2, read the I.D. "18? AWESOME!" Kurenai then started to unbutton Kimi's pants.

"NOOOOO!"

"Kimimaro McTitties, tell us. You ticklish?" The Leader, Kakashi, removed his mask and put on a cowboy hat as he scooped the ice cream on Kimi's manly parts.

Kimi screamed. "AAAAAAARGH, COLD!"

"It'll be over soon." The senseis all said, then started to bring their toungues

---------

/the next day/

"PSSSSSSST, KIMIMARO!" Tayuya whispered to Kimimaro, trying to get his attention

They were back in Kimi's apartment. Kimi's hair was all messed up and he was twitchy this morning...as if he'd experience something REALLY disturbing.

Kidoumaru poked Kimimaro with his elbow."Look at this youtube video, the guy looks kinda like you. HE GOT OWNED."

Kimi got on Tayuya's computer and scrolled down to the video part and watched the first few minutes of the video.

**"Kimimaro McTitties, tell us. You ticklish?" The Leader, Kakashi, removed his mask and put on a cowboy hat as he scooped the ice cream on Kimi's manly parts.**

**Kimi screamed. "AAAAAAARGH, COLD!"**

**"It'll be over soon." The senseis all said, then started to bring their toungues **

**DEAD SILENCE**

Kimimaro was having a nervous breakdown now. Jiroubu took a bite of chicken and scrolled to the end. "Wait, this is the best part."

"Hi. I'm Gaara. As you may have noticed, I OWNED KIMIMARO'S HAIRY WHITE ASS. Hear that Kimi? to make you feel better, I shall now perform the 'In your face dance.'...In your face, in your face, in your face in your face IN YOUR FACE!" Gaara was dancing and moving his ass at Kimimaro, who now seemsed to faint.

/end ch. 4/

------------------

That's it for Ch. 4. Ch. 5 features more Kiba stuff with a slight dash of other stuff Including...

Zombies?

Lee: It's going to be a bake-off and this one competitor looks EXACTLY like-

Kimi: Lee, DON'T SPOIL THE DAMN CHAPTER!

Well...stick around to find out. o.o


	5. Chapter 5, Busch Gardens is Kimifree

KNY Ch. 5

A Hyuuga Special

Trip to Busch Gardens, Konoha Island, New Konoha

by Inner Sakura/Neji Hyuga

I know I said in Ch. 4 that we're having a bake-off. THEY WERE, but somehow the original Ch. 5 was deleted, so for various reason, I'm moving the bake-off to chapter 6 and making this a filler chapter.

Kimi: WHY?

Because I wanna. o.o And I feel that I need a break from using lotsa characters, so I'm bumping it down to 8. Hiashi, Neji, Hanabi, Hinata, a few friends, and Hyuuga Elder, which I am going to name Horis.

**CHARACTERS WILL BE OOC. Yes. Neji and Hinata will be Neji and Hinata, Hanabi will be perverted, Horis will be perverted, and Hiashi will be his over-protective news-anchor-self.**

**Kimi: Fine, can I say the own line?**

**Fine Kimi. **

**Kimi: IS doesn't own the Hyuuga clan, the Hyuuga clan owns her.**

**Chapter dedicated to Byakugan Tenten**

**---------------------------------**

"My fellow Akatsuki breth-TOBI!" Marcus shoved Tobi off of him and back into his chair, where he sulked.

The members of the Akatsuki Org. were at the top floor of the Akatsuki Inc. Skyscraper. They were in what's known as a 'Meeting Room'...you know, the one with the long table where all of the business people sit in either side while the leader is up front, with a board to demonstrate stock and what the company needs, along with a potted plant and water machine by the door. That type of Meeting Room. Everyone was listening except for Tobi, who had earlier decided that Marcus needed a Care Bear hug.

"Now. MY FELLOW AKATSUKI BRETHERIN, IT HAS COME TO MY ATTENTION THAT THERE ARE THESE IMPURE CREATURES THAT LEECH OFF OF OUR LAND OF KONOHA NEW YORK." Marcus paused for dramatic effect, then continued.

"I'm TALKING, of course, about the JINCHURIKI-"

"-JINCHURIKI SUCK!" Kisame stood up and banged a fist on the table.

Marcus gestured for Kisame to sit down, then went on with his rant. "I just want to say that jinchuriki are serously evil. Let me use an example."

_"Hey, baby. Are you from heaven, 'cuz I got an erection." Marcus was at a halloween party, and he wrapped his arms around a pissed-off looking woman in a Wonder Woman suit. The woman turned out to be Yugito, otherwise known as the two-tailed cat jinchuriki._

_She simply stared at Marcus. "BITCH, DON'T PLAY ME."_

_"Fine," Marcus dragged Yugito over to a cage, where Yugito got in. He then looked in his wallet. "Uhh. I don't have any cash, do you take Visa?"_

_"Let me see. Nibi?"_

_**"NO DAMN." Nibi said to his outer half. "SHUKAKU STOLE MY VISA AND BECAME AN IDENTY-THEFT VICTIM FOR DAMN CITIBANK. DID YOU SEE HIS COMMERCIAL?"**_

_"Visa sucks, and no. So sorry." Yugito left Marcus and walked out, the Akatsuki member now being dissapointed for not getting his desire._

"Oh really? Because I just happened to see that commercial on CNN-" Marcus gave Sasori a glare...Sasori shut up quickly to avoid dying. If looks could kill.

**------------------------**

It was a beautiful morning in Hiashi's lakefront house in Long Island, NK. Hiashi lived with Horis away from the city, but he invited his daughters and nephew to come away from their Sensei's apartment and to spend a family weekend with him. The house resembles the house from Zathura A LOT.

(Note: Hanabi lives with Iruka.)

Birds were flying from tree-to-tree outside in Hiashi's forest backyard. Deer and rabbits were playing, squirrels were climbing up and down trees while raccoons and owls were sleeping.

Everything was exceptionally quiet.

/BANG/

Or not...

A gunshot was heard as it shot a tree. The animals were startled and all ran away from the house. Hanabi was perched on the back porch with a rifle, which she held up in the air with one hand and gave a triumphant grin.

"BITCHIN'!"

"You go girl!" Horis grinned and gave Hanabi a caramel, which she took upstairs and ate it like a squirrel.

/meanwhile/

Neji was in his space bed sleeping soundly. The ceiling was painted midnight blue with stars on it, the bed being wooden with matching sheets, only with planets on them. The firniture was made of wood and the walls were midnight blue as well, with planet posters to decorate. Basically like a Zathura themed room. Neji turned in his sleep and snuggles deep against the convers until his bed started to shake. He opened his eyes to see Hanabi jumping on it.

"NEJI!"

"WHAT!" Neji yelled, kicking Hanabi off the bed and onto the floor. Hanabi stood up.

"I went online to DeviantArt and I found a comic of dadadaaaaa ZUKO...only he wasn't wearing any pants or underpants WOOT WOOT!" Hanabi smiled from the image in her head.

Neji blinked at her. "Point being?"

"WHAT DOES CLITORIS MEAN?" Hanabi asked, of should I say yelled, at her cousin, expectant for an answer.

Neji threw the bedsheets over him. "I dunno. Look it up on UrbanDictionary."

"GOTCHA!" Hanabi exited Neji's room and went downstairs.

/a few seconds later/

"OH MY GOD FIRE LORD SEX!" Neji heard Hanabi screaming from downstairs. He sighed and got out of bed, untwisting the covers from his leg.

(Hinata's pov.)

I was at the breakfast table, eating away at some Trix. Across from me was Hanabi, making a Zuko action figure swim in a bowl of cereal and milk. Dad was at the stove frying some bacon while Grandpa, who was in one of the chairs between Hanabi and me, had a tub of floam on his lap. I couldn't tell what he was doing with it, but he was smiling, so I figured it was all right. I took another bite of the fruityness of the cereal as I heard footsteps rushing toward the kitchen. Then, I heard Neji's voice.

"Now who the FUCK ate my WonderBall?"

**"Man, he is SUCH a BADASS." my Inner Self popped upto surface and held up a flamethrower. She gave a crazy maniacal laugh as she switched it on, flames coming out of the nozzle. "OH...I...WONDERWONDER WHAT'S IN THE WONDERBALL."**

Neji came into the kitchen and angrily sat down, pouring some Cheerios into a bowl, and topping it off with some white milk. He then began to eat his calcium-enriched cereal, giving everyone a death glare if they looked at him.

**"Damn, who pissed in HIS Cheerios?"**

Dad turned to face each of us. He cleared his throat. "Guys, guess what."

"WHAT?" Neji irritably said as he banged his fists on the table, shaking it.

"Uhh. We're going to Busch Gardens and you can each invite one friend."

**"-OH MY GOD. BUSCH GARDENS! I have to pick out something to wear. I need to find out which Zuko plushie I will take. I wanna ride CONGO RAPIDS!" **Hanabi quickly ran out of the room to do who-knows-what. I finished my cereal and got up and left, leaving my cousin, Dad, and Grandpa behind...he was still smiling.

I then got on MSN and invited everyone who was on into a convo. I typed in my message in the light-blue rimmed meggase box and waited for everyone to reply.

I Don't Play by the Rules: Yo Hinata. What's up

RockBitches: NEJI! HI!

CTC Guy: Shut up Lee.

1010: Neji, stop telling Lee to shut up. I TELL HIM TO SHUT UP.

CTC guy: STFU.

RockBitches: I got footage of that I Never game, must I remind you Neji.

IS2Bugs: ...

KimimaroMustDie08: o.o

1010: ...

(I Don't Play by the Rules sent you a Nudge)

I Don't Play by the Rules: Dude, you totally got PWNED by that green-ass bitch.

CTC guy: KIBA PLEASE.

FireBender111: ZUKO! DDD:

I S2 Bugs: Owned.

HyugaH:Umm...well...I uhh...my dad said I can invite someone to Busch Gardens.

All of a sudden, my phone rang. I mimimized the convo and left my computer to get my disney Phone. I pressed 'talk' and held it up to my ear. "Hello?"

The outburst was so loud I had to hold the phone away from my ear. "HINATA! HINATA! ME! ME! PICK MEEEEEE!"

**"Kiba AGAIN? DON'T INVITE HIM, HE'LL GET US ALL KILLED! REMEMBER WHEN WE WERE PLAYING ZATHURA!"**

_"K-kiba...w-were in outer space!" Hinata looked out her window and saw billions of stars around her, including some planets and the sun._

_Kurenai, lying on the couch, read the rules of the game aloud. "Zathura, a Space Adventure...hmm. Sounds sexy...Uhh. You hafta like...take turns playing until someone wins. You need to take turns and if one of you is gone, then it's over. Shino and Kiba are the players."_

_"Whatever." Kiba spun the dial and watched as the little red rocket travelled nine spaces. When it stopped, a gold card had popped out of the slot. Kiba took it out and read it."_

_"A SHOOTING STAR MAKE A WISH AS IT PASSES. BITCH, I OWN THIS CARD."_

_The shooting star passed the house. Kiba turned to Shino. "I wish Uranus would implode."_

_/silence/_

_Shino looked out the window. "Uhh. Kiba. It's still the-ARRRRGH" Shino was now clutching his ass and screaming in pain._

_Hinata slowly turned towards Kiba, her eyes wide with terror. She stared at Kiba as he took pictures with his Kodak camera. "K-KIBA!"_

_"I actually meant the planet. RESPECT MY AUTHORITY, HINATA. Shino, your turn."_

_Shino slowly crawled to the game board and took his turn.He read the card._

_"OUT OF ASTRONAUT FOOD. MOVE BACK 3 SPACES AND EAT A HOT FUDGE SUNDAE LAXIDANT POP-TART"_

_"Damn, this is the third time today." Shino complained as he ate his pastry and crawled to the bathroom._

_Kiba shrugged and took his turn. Hinata watched while Kurenai slept on the couch._

_A SHOOTING STAR. MAKE A WISH AS IT PASSES, YOU LUCKY BASTARD,_

_"Okay!" Kiba grinned as he made his wish. "I WISH OUR OXYGEN SUPPLY ENDED. Oxygen is for losers without MySpace friends and cry at the end of Brokeback Mountain. KIBA LEETUZUKA! Owned." Kiba winked and gave a Gai-thumbs-up as everyone else began to choke._

"That was ONE time." Kiba said from the other end of the phone.

I realized I must have spoken the story into the phone. I immediately began to apologize. "S-sorry K-kiba...uh...okay, y-you can come."

"YES BITCH YES! Thanks. Later." Kiba hung up.

Later...

/ding dong/

"I'M GONNA ANSWER IT!"

"I AM, BITCH!"

Hanabi and Neji were racing downstairs and practically killing each other to answer the door. They then took it to the living room, leaving me to answer the door. I opened it to see Kiba, Gaara, and Lee, who was holding up a portable radio.

(end Hinata's pov)

Kiba spoke first. "HINATA, WE'RE HERE TO GO TO-no, wait...just a sec." Kiba then motioned for Lee to turn on the radio that he was holding. Lee gave a wink and pressed the play button., which caused the radio to play Sixflags music.

Kiba started over, this time taking out a card and reading from it. "HINATA, WE'RE HERE TO GO TO BUSCH GARDENS!"

"I-I know K-k-Kiba." Hinata said to her teammate. She then took notice of Lee, who was performing the Sixflags dance, then of Gaara, who appeared to be standing a few feet away, pretending that he didn't know them.

"L-Lee, G-Gaara...uh...h-h-"

"-BYAKUGAN!"

"Hanabi!" Hinata cried out in horror as Hanabi pushed her out of the way. you can tell from her eyes that she was using Byakugan, the ALL-SEEING eye. Seeing how this is the OOC-perverted-Avatar-obsessed Hanabi, she was now seeing six camels and three goats as she looked at the insomniac, a criminal lawbreaker wanted by most of the state, and some freakishly-wierd dancing guy with big eyebrows.

Horis and Hiashi pushed past them, each who was holding a brochure or water bottle. Neji came out next, looking tired. He gave Lee a high-five and ignored Gaara and Kiba.

Hiashi turned to the group of kids and took out a megaphone. "OKAY. SO I WENT TO OFFICE MAX TO BUY A MEMORY STICK, AND I SAY TO THE LADY 'I WANT TO BUY A MEMORY STICK, SO THEN I CAN TAKE IT HOME AND PUT IT INTO THE COMPUTER'S HOLE', AND THE LADY SAID-"

"Pardon my French, but what the hell does any of this has to do with Konoha Island?" Neji interrupted his uncle, but was shushed by Hanabi and Horis, who then gestured for Hiashi to go on.

Hiashi sighed, the spoke into the megaphone again. "SO THE LADY SAID 'AISLE FIVE' AND I SAID 'THANKS', SO I WENT TO AISLE FIVE AND GOT A MEMORY STICK, THEN WENT BACK AND I SAID 'HEY, THIS MEMORY STICK WILL FIT PERFECTLY INTO MY COMPUTER HOLE' AND YOU KNOW WHAT SHE ASKED ME? IF I WAS A WOMAN."

"I wonder why." Gaara said sarcastically as the others snickered. Hiashi somply stared at them, sighed, and got into the driver's seat of Hiashi's blue Expedition. Everyone followed, with Horis next to him, Hanabi, Neji, and Hinata in the back seat, and Kiba, Lee, and Gaara in the seat behind them. Hiashi then drove the forty-five or so minutes to Konoha Island.

(Note: Kiba, Gaara, and Lee were in Long Island at their own families' house as well, they didn't drive over there just to be driven back)

"Erhm, guys. I'd like you all to introduce yourselves, give your interests, dislikes, hobbies, and goal. You, in the back. you first." Hiashi instructed, nodding to Kiba.

"My name is Kiba Inuzuka. I like CSI, Hinata, my friends, and Nancy Drew books. I HATE PERVERTS." Kiba said that last sentence especially loud, sighs of dissapointment coming from Horis and Hanabi. "My hobbies are dating and doing...'stuff.' and my goal is to become a wolrdwide internet hack-err...BE ON AMERICA'S GOT TALENT AND WIN."

**Silence**

Hanabi spoke at last. "Kiba you said on MSN that you wanted to be on FBI's Most Wanted...AND YOU LOOK LIKE JET." she said, recieving a look from Kiba that said 'shut it'.

"Uh...okay. Bushy Brows." Hiashi nodded toward Lee as he passed a car.

"MY NAME IS ROCK LEE. I LIKE SAKURA-CHAN, GAI-SENSEI, GAARA-SAMA, NEJI, TENTEN, STREET FIGHTER, AND SISTERHOOD OF THE TRAVELLING PANTS. And I HATE it when people disrespect Gai-sensei."

"Dude...he has sex with Akamaru." Kiba informed Lee.

Lee cleared his throat and turned around to face Kiba. "Listen, Kiba. It is REALLY that wrong to love? Is is REALLY that wrong to get to know another person? People need love and satisfaction. Once two people love each other, they begin to feel loved and happy. Happiness is a joy in life, and everyone shouldn't take it for granted. Every cloud has a silver lining, and love is a truly a divine emotion."

**DEAD SILENCE**

"Dude...he has SEX with AKAMARU."

"ARGH, PRIDE AND PREJUDICE." Lee crossed his arms and sat back in his seat in defeat, putting on a pouty face.

"Uh...next." Hiashi said.

"My name is GAARA." Gaara hissed out his name. "I like Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul. WHICH I HAVE ALL 13 VOLUMES OF. I HATE KIMIMARO. I also hate a few more people...my hobbies? Watching Red Rose over and over again, also Dawn of the Dead and my goals are none of your B-I-business...and you know on last night's episode of FBI's Most Wanted? It was me on it as the Teddy Bear Bomber, AND I WANTED TO GIVE HIM A SUPPOSITORY." the 'Daywalker' finished his introduction.

_"Jiraiya-sensei?" Gaara asked Jiraiya one day after science class. The scoence room was filled with vials and beakers, one poster that says 'Ecosystem is Hot' and a picture of two frogs doing it. Jiraiya quickly put down his magazine and faced his young student._

_"Yes, Gaara?"_

_"Uh...yesterday I discovered my Science book missing, then this morning Baki-sensei returned it to me saying that he 'finished using it' and now I don't want it anymore. Do you have a science magazine?"_

_"Waaaaitwaitwait...you're THE SABAKU NO GAARA?"_

_Gaara raised an eyebrow. "Yes. Point being?" _

_"Sabaku no Gaara who's related to Sabaku no Yashamaru, the woman on the cover of Hot Weather magazine?" Jiraiya finally figured out. He's been subscribing to Hot Weather for nearly 30 years...and just to inform the readers, theat magazine is NOT about the sun and humidity altitude._

_"UNCLE Yashamaru is a GUY. And Hot Weather is a magazine for GIRLS!" Gaara took the magazine and looked at the cover, which featured Yashamaru in a Sexy-no-Jutsu pose, smoke covering his...yeah. Gaara then read the subtitles._

_"WARM FRONTS?"_

_"Gaara-sama, this book is about science, too!" Jiraiya assured him._

_"Don't even bother. I have issues with Yashamaru. Here's one. He said 'the thing that heals a wound in the heart is love' and I said 'love?' and he said 'Physical love' and smiled in a way that crept me out." Gaara left the room and Jiraiya sighed with relief_

"That's very nice, Gaara."

"Whatever." Gaara said. He then thought. 'Shukaku. DON'T EVER REPLAY THAT SCENE.'

**"JACKASS, YOU WANT ME TO PLAY ANOTHER? FINE." Shukaku looked through his file drawer and pulled out a flashback. **

_"Um...okay...yes, now all my chances of love is right here...in front of me..." Gaara brought his lips to Haku's. He made a mental note to wash his mouth out with Colgate IMMEDIATELY after he got home._

_Haku, however, sensed that Gaara wanted m-_

"SHUKAKU! NO!"

"GAARA, STOP TALKING TO YOURSELF AGAIN." Kiba hit him in the head with his People magazine.

"Hey, Neji."

"What." Neji replied to Lee.

"How come everyone in your family has an H-name but you?" the bowl-cut tai-jutsu specialist asked Neji.

Neji cleared his throat. "Actually, it's a long story."

_"GUYS, WE'RE GONNA PLAY DIRTY WORD SCRABBLE." Hizashi held the board game to Yondaime Hokage, Hiashi, Yondaime Kazekage, Karura, and a few other of the Naruto character's parents, all who cheered, some holding up cans of beer._

_"Okay." Hizashi said as he looked at his pieces. He picked a letter from out of the bag, and got a K, which he placed in the center. He chose three letters from his pile and placed them on the board._

_FUCK_

_"Psst, Hizashi. Let's make a bet. If you win, you get to do my wife. If I win, you get to name your son after the Japanese word for 'fuck'" Yondaime Kazekage(whom I will call Raymond now after a friend of mine. o.o don't ask.) nudged his wife, who, in return, gave him a bitch slap._

_"If Ray wins, then you name your kid Neji, after the Japanese word for 'screw'." Karura said._

_Hizashi looked confused. "But Neji means screw as in a box of screws, not the good kind of screw."_

_"Still, in English it's Screw, which, in UrbanDictionary, states that it's, in fact, AKA fuck." Karura pointed out while everyone else nooded and cheered, drinking a sip of their Corona Lite._

_"Deal."_

"Guess who one." Neji sighed and sat back in his seat in disdain.

"Well, it's not SO bad, Neji. you get an exciting topic to write about when we had to write our name meanings in Iruka-sensei's class." Kiba told Neji. "What's so exciting when your name means 'Fang' anyway? You can't DO somebody with a fang."

"I remember when we were in Kindergarten and you made fun of my name, Kiba."

"Ohyeah...that day rocked, except later that day, some dick stole my Teddy Grahms. I never found out who, though." Kiba said as Neji inwardly smiled evilly, a chibi version of him eating Teddy Grahms sitting on a throne and laughing maniacally as Kiba was in slave clothes, pushing a gear around, a golden statue of Neji being on it.

Gaara, Lee, and Hanabi were playing 20 questions. Hanabi went first. "Okay, it's a charact-"

"ZUKO." Lee gave her sparkle-smile as Hanabi sighed and nodded.

**"GAI-SENSEI, I DID IT! I ANSWERED THE QUESTION!" Inner Lee hugged his idol, who in return, hugged him back.**

**"I ALWAYS KNEW YOU COULD DO IT." Inner Gai looked down at his precious protege, and then began to cry.**

**Lee's Inner Door was being knocked upon. Inner Lee and Inner Gai receded from their hug and looked at the door, fear spread across their faces. The fear increased when they saw furry beige fingers moving, reaching in from the door crack near the floor. (THAT RHYMES. XD)**

**"GAI-SENSEI, HELP!" Inner Lee jumped into Inner Gai's arms like Scooby-Doo. Inner Gai shoved Inner Lee off. He then put on his golf cleets, then, with a lot of force, stepped on the fingers, causing them to dart back outside and hearing a squal of pain from...Shukaku?**

**"-OH MY GOD, I JUST WANTED TO BORROW A CUP OF SUGAR!" **

**Inner Gai blinked, then gave Inner Lee a sparkle-smile. "Lee, I did good."**

**"RIGHT ON!" Inner Lee and Inner Gai both stuck their thumb out and gave a sparkle-grin as Shukaku was crying from the other side of the door.**

"Okay, he's a character from an anime." Gaara said to everyone who was playing.

Lee asked first, and began to interrupt everyone who asked as well. "Is he good?"

"Yes."

"Is the show on Adult Swim?"

"Yes."

"Does he have a bad side to him?"

"Kind of no."

"Does he have white hair and suck blood?"

"Yes." was Gaara's response.

"Is it Abel from Trinity Blood?"

"YES!"

"YAY!" Lee was cheering now. Gaara smiled and congratulated him while Hanabi made a Zuko drawing.

**"JACKASS."**

"What NOW, Shukaku?" Gaara asked his inner demon, who was sitting down on a weight-lifing chair, a towel around his neck.

**"I needed the sugar TO BAKE a CAKE for MY RED SOX PAR-TY." The raccoon demon said to his outer self. He thought for a moment. "Oh. Watch me do my Citi Bank identity theft commercial: Oh I stole his password online and HELLO. Makeover! I got hair extentions, pumped at the lips, and snapped THE HOTTEST HEADSHOTS! HOLLYWOOD HERE I COME. Tell me what you think. UNBREAK MY HEART, SAY YOU LOVE ME AGAIN! UNDO THIS HURT that you CAUSED when you WALKED out the DOOR and WALKED OUT OF MY LIFE-"**

"OKAY OKAY. Chances are that Simon will tell you that you suck onstage." Gaara interrupted Shukaku from his off-key singing. Gaara appeared to be talking to himself...again. Hinata, Neji, Kiba, and Hanabi were staring at him confusedly. Only Lee, Hiashi, and Horis knew the truth.

Hanabi tapped Gaara on the shoulder. "Sir. You're gay."

"Shut up." Gaara merely said to Hanabi, then went on with his conversation.

Neji sighed deeply, then turned to his younger cousin. "Hanabi, I think it's normal for Gaara to be talking to himself...I mean, remember when I auditioned for that commercial?"

_"Neji Hyuuga is a real Geico customer. Not a paid celebrity. So to help tell his story, we hired a celebrity." Hiashi said to Neji, who was sitting on one side of the couch, and Jiraiya, who was sitting next to him, waving hi to the viewers._

_Neji spoke first. "So, I went to Ecko Red Ultd. to buy myself a new shirt."_

_"Heh heh, I went to the strip club to get myself a new friend. OH!" Jiraiya smiled pervertedly as Neji gave Hiashi a What-The-Fuck-look. Hiashi shrugged and gestured for Neji to go on._

_"So I tried on this shirt and saw a hole in it. I broght it anyway and put it into Gai-sensei's car, when it crashed into a pole."_

_"So, I undressed this girl and saw her 'kitty', then I took her home to play, where I came across my sensei's pimpette. She crashed into a pole, then was in bed by 6...and was home by eleven. GIGGIDY."_

_"UNCLE."_

_"CUT. Neji he was the only celebrity available. PLEASE, just go on." _

_"Oh alright." Neji gave an arrogant sigh and went on. "I called Geico and thought they would be mad, but surprisingly, they helped me with my car insurance."_

_"THEY I WENT HOME AND FOUND MY HOT WEATHER MAGAZ-"_

_"SHUT UP! WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT HAVE TO GO WITH CAR INSURANCE?" Neji was seriously red and angry, like he was about to turn into the Hulk in that Lee episode. Jiraiya looked puzzled while Hiashi tried to calm Neji down._

_"Neji. I think he's actually SUPPOSED to screw up."_

"Uncle Hiashi, that commercial sucked more dick then Jiraiya with that magazine of his, and, that is, in fact, a LOT." Neji informed him while Hinata blushed, giggles coming from Kiba, Lee, Horis, and Hanabi. Gaara coughed and gave everybody a look saying they weren't supposed to discuss this stuff in front of eight-year-old-children. Hiashi drove on.

/half an hour later/

Hiashi pulled up into the Busch Gardens parking gate opened his window, facing the guy inside the little box-house. He reached out and took out his Visa.

"Uhh, I'll like a parking fare, and two brochures please?"

"Parking fares are 50 bucks, brochures are 30 bucks each." The guy said, blinking and turning a page of a magazine.

"WHAT? THAT MUCH?"

"This is New York sir." the guy informed Hiashi, then took his Visa and handed Hiashi two brochures. He pulled the handle to lift up the car-block thingy, then ushered Hiashi's car inside.

A few minutes later, everyone was at the ticket line and through the gate. It was then that they all chose what they wanted to ride.

"OOH! KUMBA!"

"STANLEY FALLS!"

"CONGO RAPIDS!"

"HINATA! LET'S RIDE THE SHEIKRA!"

"NO KIBA I DON'T WANT TO DIE!"

"Destiny says we go ride Rhino Rally."

"Neji-"

"NOW WILL YOU CRAZY PEOPLE PLEASE SHUT THE HELL UP?" Hiashi shouted into the megaphone. He then took a quick person-count. "One two three four five six-WAIT. We're missing somebody."

"Where's Pretty Balls?" Hanabi said, looking around for whoever-she-was-talking about.

"THAT'LL BE ME." Kiba grinned and put his arm around Hinata, who awkwardly backed away to the side.

"NOT YOU. Gaara-sama. When Gaara-sama throws his balls, it's SO PRETTY." Hanabi informed everyone a bit TOO loudly, who frowned except for Horis and Lee.

Neji spoke first."...BALLS?"

"FOOTBALLS, NIGGA."

"I'M RIGHT HERE." Gaara jumped onto Neji's shoulders and covered Neji's eyes. "NEJI HYUUGA CAN USE HIS BYAKUGAN TO SEE THROUGH TREES/CLOTHES/ETCETERA BUT CAN HE SEE WHY KIDS LOVE CINNAMON TOAST CRUNCH?"

"ARGH GAARA. BECAUSE THEY'RE DESTINED TO."

"Noooo..." Hanabi said to Neji. "THERE'S A CINNAMON SUGAR SWIRL IN EVERY BI-"

"Everybody SHUT UP. Get in line." Hiashi said as they finally got in line for the roller coaster, Neji dropping Gaara.

Gaara rubbed his head in pain. "Fuck, OW."

**"Jackass, I'm SCARED of roller coasters...I also don't want to break my nails!" Shukaku was painting his nails blue and blowing on them. **

"-I RODE MY FIRST ROLLER COASTER WHEN I WAS FIVE, SHUKAKU."

**"I must have been sleeping then. How was the ride?"**

"Who said anything about a ride?" Gaara then remembered his first 'roller coaster' experience with Yashamaru.

/a few feet away/

"Itachi, Kisame, Hidan, and Kakuzu. Listen up." Marcus and the other Akatsuki members has approached the Kumba. Marcus had blocked the entrance and pulled four of his comrades aside. "I got a Cars decoder ring from my box of Capn' Crunch this morning. It SAYS that there's a Jinchuriki waiting in line for this ride. Your objective is to find him, knock him out, bag him, and take him back to our headquarters...without anyone noticing. Take your FBI badges as well. Now, proceed to the ride."

"Yes, Sir Marcus S-"

"ARRRRRGGGGHHHHH." Deidara cried in pain and dopped to his knees.

Sasori kicked him. "Are you ejaculating in your pants again?"

"NO SASORI. THERE'S A BEE IN MY ROBE!." Deidara yelled to Sasori while shaking around wildly. The other Akatsuki members were stepping around him and getting in line for the coaster.

"Bee? WHERE?" Zaetsu lept onto Deidara and tackled his robe, knocking the both of them over.

"ZETSU, YOU'RE TOUCHING ME IN THAT PLACE AGAIN!"

Marcus turned around to face the two, Zetsu who was eating the bee while Deidara was nursing his bee sting.

"Bees are evil. BE SURE TO ADD THAT TO THE LIST OF WHAT TO KILL. Number one: Jinchuriki. Number two: leg cramps. Number three: bees."

"AND CLOWNS." Tobi hid beind Marcus as if he expected a clown to jump from out of nowhere and attack him.

Marcus considered the thought, then nodded in agreement. "Yes...clowns too. BINOCULARS OUT."

All Akatsuki members pulled out their binoculars and looked around the line of people in search for the jinchuriki. Kisame suddenly stopped and faced his leader, a questioning look in his eyes. "Sir, how do we know which one's a jinchuriki?"

"IDIOT." Marcus smacked Kisame in the head, which caused Kisame to wince and cry in pain and drop his binoculars. "THE ONE WITH THE SYMBOL ON HIS WAIST."

"That's what I mean. How can we see it?"

"Switch your binocular mode to the one that sees through clothes." Marcus informed Kisame, who did so.

"Marcus. I found him." Itachi pointed to Gaara, who was talking with himself again. Marcus smiled evilly and handed Itachi a Target bag. "GO."

"This bag is too sma-"

"GO. NOW." Itachi ran over to where Gaara was. He then, knocked Gaara out and bagged his head with the Target bag (causing no scenes from everyone else, since they're too preoccupied to where they're going to go next or just talking), then dragged him over to Marcus.

"Thanks, Itachi. You go drag him to the car, while the rest of us ride Kumba."

Itachi nodded and dragged Gaara away as the other Akatsuki members watched.

Meanwhile...

"Hey guys, guess what. We were in PE and I threw the dodgeball at Neji. I GOT HIS BALLS!" Lee told everyone. Neji gave him a glare and spoke through gritted teeth.

"Hey, LEE. Remember when we were in a bird watching expedition and we dared you to pin some wonder bread to the part of you spandex where your BALLS WERE, AND YOU GOT ATTACKED BY THAT STORK?"

"Yes...yes I do." Lee looked down at the part of his body where he got pecked and shivered.

"GUYS! WE'RE NEXT!" Kiba shouted to his group, who were now all jumping in excitement except for Neji, who didn't do such things, and Hinata, who looked like she was about to die in fear.

"...k-kiba-"

"Sir, this ride is not reccomended for elderly guests." The ride employee said to Hiashi and nodded towards Horis.

"-I'LL STAY WITH HIM." Hinata immediately said and got out of the line with the old man.

"GUYS, WHERE'S GAARA?" Kiba yelled out to everyone else as he sat in his rolelr coaster seat, the guy bringing the chest thingy down to him.

/with Itachi/

**"-HEY! HEY HEYHEY HEEEEY!1 JACKASS, WAKE UP!"**

**"Excuse me?" Gaara paused his iPod and said to his inner demon...who was now next to him. "I'm LISTENING to this SONG."**

**"YOU'RE BEING KIDNA-"**

**"YOU'RE being a dick. SHUT UP NOW." Shukaku's outer self began listening to Crawling again, Shukaku falling down anime-style.**

Itachi was stuffing Gaara's body into the trunk of Marcus's apple-red Lexis. He then slammed the trunk shut and pulled out Marcus's car keys. Itachi unlocked the car door and got in, put the car in drive, and drove off towards the building, but then stopped behind a car waiting for the stoplight to change to green when his cell phone rang.

Itachi head Sasuke's voice from the other side of the phone. "Um...excuse me, is this Taco Bell?"

"Um...no...this is It-"

Sasuke cut him off. "Yes, I'll like a Chalupa Grande, hold the sour cream and...wait...yeah, two Mexican Taco Pizzas, one with extra lettuce, the other without che-"

Itachi interrupted him, still having no clue that it was Sasuke. "I just SAID, this isn't Taco Bell, Mr. Rocket Scienctist...wait...you sound famil-"

"Fine, and also, a mexican apple pie wrap. I'll get Naruto to pick them up at 3, okay? Thanks." Itachi closed the cell phone and sighed when a thought occured to him.

"Wait. Leader Marcus said that Naruto was a jinchuriki...hmm. That could be useful. I just hope he isn't that one blonde kid." Itachi murmured to himself, then remembered the last time he kidnapped a jinchuriki.

_"HI WHO ARE YOU MY NAME IS NARUTO UZUMAKI HIIII." Naruto said to Itachi, who was cuffing him and tying him up with ropes. _

_Itachi stared at Naruto, coldness in his eyes. "Listen, s-"_

_"Why is there a New Konoha?" Naruto suddenly asked Itachi, interrupting his evil rant. Itachi raised an eyebrow._

_"Because, somewhere in another universe, there is a regular Konoha where there are no cars, guns, iPo-"_

_Naruto interrupted Itachi...yet again. "Why is it spelled 'bologna'? It looks like it should be 'bowl-log-nah."_

_Itachi sighed. "LOOK KID-"_

_"I WANT A REFRIDGERATOR."_

_The Uchiha's face went blank in puzzledness. "...what?" _

_The jinchuriki was yelling at the top of his lungs. "I WANT A **REFRIDEGRATOR**!"_

_"OKAYOKAY. SHUT UP." Itachi left Naruto and left Naruto's apartment, heading to Bransmart to get a refridgerator for Naruto._

_/3 hours later/_

_Itachi kicked the door open, then staggered in with a large cardboard mox on his back, obviously containing the refriedgerator. He slowly apprached Naruto, who was humming 'The-Ants-Go-Marching.'_

_"...here's...the...refridgerator...you wanted..."_

_"...I asked you to get me some WHEAT THINS." Naruto said, stressing out the syllables in 'wheat thins'. Itachi seemed to faint as Kisame then barged into the apartment and gave Naruto a box of Wheat Thins, which he happily devoured._

/back to Hiashi and co./

"I don't know. Too bad." Lee answered. Hiashi, Neji, Hanabi, Kiba, and Lee then fastened their seatbelts as the ride began.

"WHOOOOOOOOO!" Kiba was yelling and lifting up his arms in excitement while Lee and Hanabi did the same. Neji had a monotone expression on his face while Hiashi was closing his eyes and wishing for the ride to be over.

Behind them, Tobi and Deidara were screaming and holding each other's hands (aww) while Kisame, Marcus, Zetsu, Sasori, and Kisame were having the time of their lives. The Kumba approached a 360 degree loop as Hinata and Horis watched from the ground.

"Hinata, can you give me some enzyte?" Horis began whistling the Enzyte tune as Hinata stepped aside and shuddered.

"GRANDPA, N-"

"HINATA!"

Hinata jumped in terror as Kiba popped up next to her grabbing the bottle of Enzyte. Lee, Hanabi, Neji, and Hiashi joined the group.

"Kiba, that's mine!" Horis whined and reached to get the Enzyte bottle from Kiba, who then tossed it to Lee starting a game of monkey in the middle. They were then walking to another ride, Hanabi talking about Zuko, Neji not saying anything, Hiashi reciting the schedule, Kiba and Lee still trying to get the bottle of Enzyte, and Hinata still wondering where Gaara was...and what other adventures are awating for her.

Hinata began to sweat nervously. "KIBA, WHERE ARE WE GOING TO RIDE NEXT?"

"SheiKra." Kiba answered her and then threw the bottle of Enzyte away and stealking a look of triumph at the now-disappointed Horis..

Let me, the author, put on the best expression for the character...Hinata froze in horror, her face paling.

"Hinata, what's wrong? You look shocked, pale, and dead." Kiba waved his brochure at Hinata, who was still not moving. "If we're going to ride the ride, then I suggest you get in line now."

Hinata finally gathered up her courage to stand up to her roommate. "Kiba, don't **_even _**think about it."

Kiba smiled at Hinata. "Just kidding."

**"-LIKE HELL YOU WERE!"**

"Yep." Kiba dragged Hinata in line and held her as she tried to escape.

For those of you who don't know what the SheiKra is, it's a dive coaster. It takes its riders up 200 feet at 45 degrees, then drops them 70 mph to the ground at a 90-degree angle. But Kiba...being Kiba...doesn't care at all for these shennanigans, so he held Hinata until they were in front of the line.

"Sir, this ride is not reccomended for elderly guests." The ride employee said to Hiashi and nodded towards Horis.

" Lee, stay with Horis."

"Sure, I didn't want to die, anyway." Lee waved by to his terrified friend, and Kiba, Hanabi, Neji, and Hiashi.

The ride employee then fastened everyone to their seats and spoke into the ride microphone. "Attention all ride guests. Keep your hands, feet, privates, and everythign else inside the ride at all times. If you do, there is SLIGHT chance that you will be alive when the ride is over."

"I'm going." Hinata tried to get out of the ride, but was held back by Kiba. the ride then started.

The first few seconds were agonizing torture for Hinata. Neji yawned while Hiashi and Hanabi was screaming in excitement, Kiba lifting up his arms and enjoying every minute of it. It was then they got to the 90 degree drop when the ride suddenly paused.

"I DON'T WANT TO DIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEE!" Hinata let that last syllable ring as the ride jerked down SEVERELY FAST (70-mph-like-fast). It abruptedly jerked to a stop, the-things-that-stop-you-from-dying lifting up automatically.

Lee was dragging Horis to meet the others. "KIBAKIBAKIBA, I AM ROCK LEE!"

"I know Lee."

"How was the ride?" Lee asked out of curiosity.

"It sucked." was Neji's reply.

"It was twisted." was Hiashi's.

"It needed more Zuko." was Hanabi's.

"That...shit...was...awesome." Kiba held up a victory fist.

The were walkign towards the ride exit when Lee spoke. "Where's Hinata?"

Kiba, Neji, and Hiashi stepped out of the ride and turned to look back at Hinata, who looked as if she stopped breathing.

Kiba went over to her and looked into her eyes. "Hinata, are you okay?"

Hinata kept on staring at Kiba. At long last she spoke, in a tone she rarely ever uses. "I...am going...to kick...your...ass..."

/meanwhile/

**"Shukaku, 20 bucks says I can't drink 40 bottles of beer in a minute." Kyubi was holding up a nozzle, a stopwatch, and a twenty.**

**Shukaku gave a sly grin and accepted it. "You're on."**

**"Shukaku...who's the new guy?" Nibi joined the group and nodded towards Gaara, who was wearing an apron and baking cake. **

**"He's Gaara...you know...wait. GAARA. He's not supposed to be in his own mind...unless..." Shukaku walked over to the negative image of Gaara, who was now licking the spoon. "Jackass, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE AWAKE."**

**"I am? But Shukaku, I'm making cinnamon crum-mble!" Gaara whined, looking over at his cake batter.**

**"GO." Shukaku opened up the portal that linked both worlds AKA the refridgerator door and shoved Gaara in, then closed it. He then turned towards his friends and grabbed a timer.**

Gaara stirred and woke up to discover that he was in a trunk of a car. He smirked and used his HANDY DANDY...sand, to teleport back to Busch Gardens, a trick he picked up (or was born with, whatever).

/back to Hiashi and co./

The group was in line for Rhino Rally when some sand began to come closer togather, then spin around using that cool teleport-y effect. Gaara then appeared and cut in front of a little kid with nasal conjestion and allgeries (Udon) and joined Hiashi's troop.

"Uh...hey, you're not supposed to cut in line." Udon said, sniffing so that his snot went back into his nose

"Um...yeah. This is actually the back of the line. The front of the line is. Right. Over. There." Gaara pointed to the real back of the line, one that was insanely long. Udon thanked Gaara and walked to the back.

"Dude. Where the hell were you?" Lee asked his bee-eff-eff, a term Gaara prefers Lee NEVER to use.

Gaara thought, "I don't know."

"Alright, will you, you, you, you, you, you, you, and you step into the Rhino Rally bus?"The ride employee motioned for the Hyugas and Kiba, Lee, and Gaara to go into a bus that was waiting for him. They all made their way to the insode, then closed the bus doors, signaling the bus to move.

"FOLKS WELCOME TO RHINO RALLY. MY NAME IS GENMA AND I'LL BE YOUR BUS DRIVER TODAY." Genma had a toothpic in his mouth and an explorer's hat. He drove by a herd of elephants, and next to where they stopped was some elephant poop.

"Here we have a few elephants, CAME STR-AIGHT FROM AFRICA ITSE-"

"BROWNIES!" Hanabi reached for the elephant waste, but was pulled back and smacked on the head by Neji. "Moron."

"DO NOT EAT IT. DO NOT TOUCH IT. DO NOT STEP IN IT. Oh, you city-girls don't know a thing about elephants." Genma observed as he stepped on the pedal again. He then drove the bus in front of two rhinos who were in some STRANGE position.

"Here we have two white rhinos. Uh...I forgot to say that it's rhino mating season. CAN ANYONE TELL ME WHY THEY ARE CALLED WHITE RHINOS? How about you in the back with the long-ass hair...come on, there are no wrong answers."

Lee laughed.

Neji roamed his mind for an answer. "...because they were destined to?"

"Oh, SO CLOSE, but alas, WRONG. White means wide. ONWARD."

"YAY!" Kiba cheered. Hiashi was taking pictures this with a digital camera whilke Horis was sleeping of boredom.

"Here are some Killer-African-Ducks. NOW, WE STOP IN FRONT OF SOME GIRAFFES." Genma and the bus passengers looked to the left at the giraffes, only to discover that they were in a STRANGE position.

Gaara looked questioningly. 'Why are those girrafes like that? Could one of them be trying to get a piece of avocado on the other's back?' Who knows. Kiba sighed and sank low in his seat while Hanabi was cheering. Hiashi took a picture while Hinata and Genma looked awkward.

"Guys, we know move onto the Zebras."

**sigh...YES, ANOTHER STRANGE POSITION**

"Oh GODDAMMIT. THEY WEREN'T DOING IT ON THE LAST TOUR I MADE." Genma slammed his fists on the steering wheel and drove back to the building where they wait in line. The passengers all got out and Genma called out after them. "Thanks for stopping by, see you later."

Silence...

Once they were at the Egypt section,. Hanabi broke the silence. "DUDE THAT WAS THE BEST RIDE SO FAR."

"Yeah." Horis, who had woken up just in time to see the zebras, gave Hanabi a wink.

"Just what were they doing exactly?" Gaara asked all of his friends.

Silence...

Kiba coughed, then decided to break the silence and tell Gaara himself. "Remember that day when we were at the restaurant waiting for you to show up and it turns out that you were being fucked-"

"SHUT UP. I GET IT." Gaara led Kiba and the others to Tutankhamen's Tomb, trying to avoid the stared of the nearby people.

"After this, it's Montu. THEN WE GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE." Gaara quietly said as they were walking in a dark corridor.

Hinata, who was expecting something to jump out at her, buried her face onto Kiba's shoulder. "I WANT NARUTO-KUN!"

"Shh." Kiba shushed Hinata.

They finally made it to the mummy, who was lying down on a table. Kiba solently moved away from the other snad put something inside the mummy's cloth wrapping. He quickly ran back to his group and silently awaited for his plan to take action.

Hiashi was giving a long speech about the mummy. "He was 9 when he bacame k-"

**KABOOM**

"AAAAHHHHHH!" Everybody, except Kiba who was on the ground about to die in laughter, screamed at King Tut's body was blown up. Body parts flew into the air.

"I CAUGHT HIS ARM!" Lee held up an arm.

"LEG!" Hanabi held up a leg.

"Other leg." Neji said as it landed into his arms.

"AHH! HEAD!" Hiashi quickly dropped the head as he made his way towards the exit.

"DUDE I GOT AN ARM!" Horis waved his possesion around and smiled.

Gaara caught King Tut's body, then set it down slowly...then fainiting. "NASTY."

"Um..." Hinata caught a small-stick-like object, unwrapped it, then fainted as well.

Kiba was laughing hysterically now. He then got up and ran out to the exit, the others dropping their body parts (the ones they caught. T.T) following, Lee dragging out Hinata and Gaara.

/later/

Where am I...

Who am I...

Both of these were Gaara's thoughts. He slowly realized that someone was kissing him. He opened his eyes and looked up at whoever was kissing him, only to find that it was Lee givind mouth-to-mouth.

"GAARA-SAMA! I SAVED YOU! Lee looked proud of himself.

**"Bitches. YOU...ROCK!" Inner Gai was about to cry now as he gave Inner Lee a susnet-hug.**

Gaara fainted...again.

Hinata was awake now. She looked into a building which tuyrned out to be a souvenir shop.

"Hey guys, l-look! S-S-Souvenirs!"

"Wewt." Kiba high-fived her and looked back at the tomb, that was now surrounded by cops.

Lee dragged Gaara in and led the others as he walked into the souvenir shop.

The souvenir shop was led by Ayame and Teuchi (also known as the people who work at the ramen shop in the Naruto series, the McDonalds people in KNY) and had a variety of stuff.

"Wouldn't do him, who hasn't done him, probably never do him." Ayame was looking around at different guys around the store playing the 'Would-I-Do-Him game."

Teuchi blinked. "Ayame, you never find a guy that you want to d-"

"TEUCHI SHUT THE HELL UP. Local hottie, five o'clock." Ayame took out her Busch Gardens binoculars and used them to look at Neji (his face. o.o). "FOR SHIZZLE."

"Yeah..." Teuchi sweat-dropped as he put some money in the register.

"Guys! WHAT ARE YOU GONNA GET?" Lee asked his friends, each who was holding something.

"I'm getting a shark tooth." Kiba flashed a shark-tooth-necklace at Lee.

"A s-shirt that s-says 'I survived th-the SheiKra." Hinata held out her shirt to show her friends.

"I don't want anything." Horis said.

Hanabi was holding out an Avatar: The Last Airbender vibrator. "IT HAS ZUKO ON IT."

Lee smiled as if his idea was better than everyone else's. "I GOT A SHIRT FOR GAI-SENSEI!" Lee showed Kiba the shirt, which he read out loud.

"Pizza is like Sex. When it's good, it's REALLY GOOD. When it's bad, it's still pretty good. Aw, dammit Lee."

Neji was getting a shark-tooth necklace as well. He took everyone's souvenir and went to Ayame to pay for it.

"Yeah. That comes to a total of 36. 50."Ayame read the cashier, then looked up at Neji and gave him a smile that was kind of...a smile of PLEASURE. "You can pay me ANOTHER WAY, if you want."

"Uh...check?" Neji took out his checkbook and a pen.

"No...I said, YOU CAN PAY ME ANOTHER WAY IF YOU WANT." Ayame said louder, hoping Neji would take the hint.

Neji slightly blushed. "Oh yeah. You take Visa or Masters?"

Ayame inwardly gave the gods a what's-the-matter-with-this-guy look. "Check will be fine."

"Kay." Neji gave Ayame a check for 36.50, then left with the others.

Ayame turned to Teuchi. "Dude, do you know what this means? He signed the check. I HAVE HIS AUTOGRAPH! YAYS!"

Hiashi and co. then made it back to the car, Kiba, Lee, and the still-fainted Gaara in the back, Hinata, Hanabi, and Neji in the middle, and Horis and Hiashi in the front.

"so...now what do we do?"

"Uh...how about if we go to a TGI Fridays and discuss some random shit?" Kiba suggested, then cheered with everyone else. "T-G-I FRIDAYS!"

/back at the Akatsuki Co./

Marcus and the other Akatsuki members gathered aroudn Itachi's car, where Itachi was about to open the trunk.

"Open the trunk, OPEN THE TRUNK, **OPEN THE TRUNK!" **Tobi was jumping as if addicted to caffeine, then fainted from excitement.

"Alright. Now, this jinchuriki contains that one-tailed Shukaku. OPEN THE TRUNK!" Marcus ordered Itachi.

Itachi opened the trunk, then looked inside to realize that Gaara wan't there. "**-Damn!"**

"OH DAMMIT. Hey, he left a TIC-TAC!" Deidara happily smiled as he ate the tic-tac.

Marcus the took out his cell phone and dialed a number. "Guys, no matter. If we're going to catch this Jinchuriki, we're going to need two people."

"How?" Zetsu asked.

"The Konoha New York Bake-Off."

------------------------------

Kimi: SEE?"

Kimi shut up. Well, that was chapter 5. CHAPTER SIX WILL CONSIST OF THE BAKE-OFF. Please comment.

Kimi: Dammit. I better be in Ch. 6.


	6. Chapter 6, YAY TWINKIES! KNY bake off!

Konoha New York

CHAPTER 6.

The Annual Konoha Bake-off

Welcome ladies and germs. x.x Uhh. Welcome to Ch. 6 of KNY, in case you didn't know or something. Whatever. xD

Kimi: Yeah I think they know. T.T

Naruto: HIII. XD

Suuure. Well, this chapter will consist of THE ANNUAL KONOHA BAKE-OFF.

Kimi: AGAIN-

**Characters will/may be OOC. Item brands are c. Whoever-Made-Them. Also be aware that dead people are alive in this story and will not come alive IRL. I DO NOT OWN NARUTO, NARUTO OWNS ME...except I'm renting Kimi. He's my mascot. And I might have to block some of the bad words...don't ask why**

**Chapter 6 summary: What happens when the Genin (except for Kiba's group) compete against other ninja from elsewhere? Jiraiya finally meets his idol, but is he/she really what he's looking for? And which public bathroom does Yashamaru use? D:**

**Chapter dedicated to Mina**

**------------------------**

The walls of the jail cell shower room were a pearl white. Steam was fogging the room as the men took their showers, water running from the nozzle. Some of the jailers were whistling. Among one of these jailers was our very own Sasuke Uchiha, who was stating there naked and having a nervous breakdown, which increased after one of the guys handed him the soap.

Sasuke froze, then licked sweat off his lips.

_All I ever lived for...and it all comes down to this.This...is the moment. You can do this, Sasuke, you can do this._

Young Sasuke brought, the soap to his body, but YES, as you readers/Sasuke fans feared, he grasped it a bit to hard.

**"NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!" **Sasuke's cry had sounded as if it was slow motion as the soap fell onto the floor, the thud sounding as it had been VERY LOUD. The soap slid towards the drain as the other guys were humming the 'oooooh. mama mia papa pia' tune, one that they do when someone was about to be...a glass of milk, let's say.

Sasuke then knew if was the end for him. All of the other jailers turned around, eyes on the Uchiha. "OOOH, ANAL RAPE!"

"...n-no..." Sasuke whispered, only a hoarse cry came out.

"So...you dropped the soap?"

The voice startled Sasuke, who then quicly whirled around into the face of a pale man with yellow eyes. He then nervously itched the back of his head. "Uh...I WAS FINISHED."

"No...you weren't. Not behind your ears or NOTHING." The man took a sudden step towards Sasuke, scaring his guts out. "Don't even TRY to lie to me. I've been watching you like you were a glass of milk. You can call me...Oreo Cookie."

"Now **PICK UP **THE SOAP."

Sasuke trembled in fear at the pale man standing above him (you guys know perfectly well it's Orochimaru, so I'll just say it.)

Orochimaru (there, I said it. 8D) smiled perversly. Sasuke shook, trembling, as he bent over. Oro then gave a grin of...pleasure? as he stepped...how would I say...'into' the frightened Sasuke.

**DOTDOTDOT**

"AHHHHHH! AHHHH AHHHH AHHH AHHHHHHHHHH!" Sasuke opened his eyes and sat up, only to discover that he was in his own bed and dreaming. He was panting heavily as Naruto yawned from the other side on the room he and Sasuke shared.

Sasuke only screamed like this during THAT ONE dream, so it didn't take rocket science for that to come to Naruto. (or maybe it did. TO NASA!) "Hmmm...drop the soap AGAIN, Sasuke?"

"Y-...yes..." Sasuke was pale and shaking as he slowly turned his head to his team mate.

Naruto simply sighed. "Which guy was it this time?"

"Mr. Orochimaru..." Sasuke dove under the covers as he spoke Oro's name.

Kakashi then burst into the room, Sakura and Tazuna following. "-WHAT'S GOING ON?"

"Sasuke dropped the soap again."

"NARUTO!" Sasuke shook a fist at him as the blonde ninja laughed.

Sakura shuddered. "ANAL RAPE!"

"SAKURA SHUT UP I DON'T WANNA BE ANALLY RAPED." Sasuke yelled at the girl, then gave a rather low growl.

Tazuna shook his head as Kakashi nodded in understandment. "Ohhhh. Which guy was it this time?"

**"KAKASHI-SENSEI!!!"**

"Just kidding." Kakashi smiled and waved a hand towards Sasuke, pulling Sakura and Tazuna out of the room and closing the door behind him.

/morning/

Sasuke yawned as he walked into the kitchen and took his seat at a stool, then gaves an evil growl as he looked down at the bowl of Fruity Pebbles laying before him.

"KAKASHI-SENSEI, WHY THE **HELL** DID YOU GIVE ME THE RAINBOW CEREAL?"

Kakashi blinked, as if he didn't do it on purpose. "Uh...oh! Just a co-inky-dink."

"YOU DO THIS EVERY TIME I HAVE THAT DREAM."Sauske slammed his hand onto the table, causing the bowls and silverware to shake.

"Sasuke, you want to trade cereal?" Naruto asked his roommate, inwardly smirking along with his fox demon.

**"I love it then he has that dream." Kyuubi winked at his container. "I'm calling Shukaku."**

"YES. Please." Sasuke handed Naruto his cereal in exchange for a bowl of a different cereal. He looked inside the bowl he just recieved to discover Fruit Loops.

"I...hate you..." Sasuke glared at the now-ROFL-ing-Naruto and cracked his knuckles.

"NARUTO, LEAVE SASUKE ALONE." Sakura was now on the floor, punching Naruto. Kakashi and Sasuke just looked at each other and shurgged.

Tasuna held up a pot and began banging it with a wooden spoon. "HEY."

Everyone stopped what they were doing and faced the old man. Tazuna cleared his throat, then took out four passes to something. "I have a surprise for you guys. Here's a hint, it's NOT the Konoha Bake-off."

"It isn't? Thank god, because I wouldn't go to that thing if it was the last form of entertainment on Earth." Naruto sighed in relief as he grabbed the tickets to read it out loud. "Pass to the Konoha New York Bak-"

**Silence...**

Sakura stood up and jumped up and down. "YAYS."

Naruto jumped to his feet. "YOU MEAN TO TELL ME YOU'RE MAKING US ALL COOK FOR RANDOM PEOPLE?!!!"

"Now now Naruto. We can all use this chance to beat Gai's group." Kakashi said.

Naruto shook his head no. "NO WAY JOSE...or Kakashi-sensei."

"FIRST PRIZE IS A VIBRATING CHAIR." Tazuna yelled at Naruto, then began to inform him of all the (perverted) benefits of having one. "First off-"

Sasuke interrupted him. "-**Baking is for GIRLS."**

Tazuna pointed at Sakura. "There. Now, everyone get dressed, we all want to look good when we're on live TV."

Sasuke crossed his arms and sat firmly in his stool. "There is NO WAY you're making me go to the Bake-off."

/30 minutes later/

"I can't believe you're making me go to the Bake-off." Sasuke grumbled as he, Kakashi, Tazuna, Naruto and Sakura were riding in the elevator to the top floor of the Konoha Convention Center, which was a huge skyscraper.

The elevator door opened to reveal a LAAAAARGE room. There were about six kitchen stations, each with a group of people in front of it. A large audience was sitting down on some bleachers. In front of the bleachers sat the judges, Zabuza Momochi, Orochimaru, a brown-haired girl with a ponytail and a black-haired girl, also in a ponytail. People were running around everywhere holding food as Tazuna and the others entered, giving the judges their passes.

"Welcome to the Konoha New York Bake-off." Orochimaru smiled and held a hand to the group, expecting it to be shaked,. "I'm Orochimaru."

Sasuke looked down at the hand, then took a step back. "Yeeeeeah...I rather not."

Oro receded his hand. The other judges introcuded themselves to Team 7.

"I'm Zabuza." Zabuza said.

"I'm Kashike."said the brown-haired girl.

"I'm Gina." The black-haired girl introduced herself, and winked at Sasuke. Sasuke just went to his section with the others, leaving Gina shaking with anger.

"Served. "Kashike narrowed her eyes at Gina, as Zabuza and Oro gave each other a high-five.

/meanwhile/

Sasuke arrived at his station along with Naruto and Sakura.

Only three people are allowed to compete as a group. The groups competing are Naruto's, Lee's, Shikamaru's, Gaara's, Jiraiya's group (Iruka taking the place of Oro) and Chiyo's. Kiba's group wanted out, so they're somewhere else...except Kurenai, who was in the audience with Kakashi, Asuma, Gai, and the other people.

Sasuke opened the refrigerator to see the food that he'll be using to make whatever he'll be making.

"HAY-AH!"

"Lee!" Sasuke foroze as Lee burst out of the refirgerator, one foot on the ground and the other raised just centimeters away from Sasuke's 'man area.' He gave a sly grin and kicked the refrigerator door closed. "What do YOU want?"

"A wager. IF I WIN, YOU MUST FIX ME UP ON A DATE WITH YOUR TEAMMATE." Lee imagined himself winning the bake-off.

_"AND THE WINNER OF THE KONOHA-BAKE-OFF IS ROCK BITCHES...and his teammates whose-names-I-do-not-know." Zabuza gave Lee a sparkling trophy. Lee had his hair all hot-looking, and was wearing Sasuke's clothes and the Nikes that he won in previous chapters. He gave a smile at the other girls, who fainted in flattered-ness._

_"Thank you thank you. I'd like to thank Gai-sensei for always being there for me."_

_"I KNEW YOU COULD DO IT LEE! I LOVE YOU!" Gai ran up on stage and gave Lee a hug. "MY PRECIOUS PROTEGE!"_

_"GET OFF, MEGA-BROWS. HE'S MINE!" Ino said from the crowd, then got in a fight with all of the other girls. "MINE MINE MINE!"_

_"No need to fight over me girls, there's plenty to go around." Lee gave a thumbs-up at the girls, who fainted again. "I'd also like to thank Gaara-sama, my very best friend, for being there too and giving me the idea of a best-friends-forever-ring."_

_"Say that again and die." Gaara shouted at him from a distance._

_"Now. Let's ditch this pop-stand, have a nice dinner at Bennigans, and see which one of you lovely ladies would like to experiment with me first." Lee dove into the crowd._

_"BENNIGANS." The girls all caught Lee and ran out of the building, holding their hero. _

_/at Bennigans/_

_Lee was alone with Sakura. Plates of unfinished food were in front of the both of them. The restaurant was dark, but a candle's light was making Sakura's face shine radiantly. Sakura closed her eyes and puckerd up, slowly bringing her lips towards Lee. "Lee, I-_ THIS IS GOING TO BE TOO EASY."

Lee opened his eyes in shock and looked at Sakura...or should I say, Sasuke, who interruped Lee's dream. " Eyebrows. EYE. BROWS. You have to take a razor, and SHAVE THEM OFF. Deal or no deal?"

"DEAL! I'M GOING ON A DATE TONIGHT...and DON'T REMIND ME OF THAT GAME. Neji is always cheating." Lee agreeed with Sauske and walked off towards his own station.

/meanwhile at Chiyo's section/

"So I was like...Raymond, are you gonna listen to me? ARE YOU GONNA LISTEN TO ME? Becauce...because I'm about to tell you...that I...RESPECT YOU." Chiyo was talking to Raymond, her temporary teammate whom-Orochimaru-revived.

"Chiyo?"

"WHAT?"

"Over here." Raymond waved at Chiyo when she turned her head around from the wall she was talking to.

Well, surprisingly, Chiyo and Yashamaru were drunk...bad idea when you're about to enter a contest, right? Yeah. Oro had revived Raymond(not drunk) and Yashamaru(drunk). Why? He was given orders to in order to bring misery and pain to the one he's trying to capture. By who? Do I really have to say?

(Kimi: Hinata?)

(Me: NO. MARCUS.. D:)

Yashamaru smiled. "I LOVE EATING TWINKIES!"

"Okay Yashamaru, I have something to say to you and you're going to-what?" Chiyo brought her head towards Yashamaru in attempt to listen of what he had to say.

Yashamaru blinked drunkenly. "I didn't say anything."

"Oh...I thought you were interrupting me...YASHAMARU, QUIET. DON'T INTERRUPT ME."

"I totally wasn't, I swear in the name of all that is...creme-filled." Yashamaru held up a beer bottle and drank another giant sip. "I remember when I was like...watching a movie with this extremely hot girl and she said something like that...I think Rye was there because I saw him eating my Twinkie."

Now...time for a KWL chart. First question...what do we KNOW about Yashamaru?

Well...he loves Twinkies. When he was thirteen, Chiyo's brother Ebizou (who, oddly, was a magazine editor) asked him to model for his magazine...Hot Weather. Or Sexii Weather, they're both the same eye-candy magazine. x.x Raymond made him adopt baby Gaara because he didn't want him (Kimimaro: I wonder why. ), and because he was the only one who asked (he was drunk at the time) When Gaara was six, Yahsamaru tried to kill Gaara in event to avenge his dead sister, AND because he was ordered to by Raymond because he didn't wanna pay child support, and save the city from a giant Raccoon/Beaver/Dog/thing...the reward was Twinkies.

Raymond rolled his eyes towards the ceiling...Yashamaru looked up there too, but he didn't see anything. "It's RAY. And I remember that night perfectly. You were taking your NEPHEW to the MOVIES to see OVER THE HEDGE, AND IT WAS A DAMN FULL MOON."

/flashback/

_"Uncle Yashamaru?" Gaara pulled on Yashamaru's apron...Yashamaru was talking dirty to the woman behind the popcorn stand, his nephew next to him. _

_"Just a sec...what Gaara?" Yashamaru asked his nephew. "Do you want a Twinkie? If so then sorry because like...I ate them all. I'LL BUY SOME MORE!."_

_"No uncle. It's that time of the month." Gaara looked extremely worried, as if he was in pain._

_Yashamaru held a tampon towards little 6-year-old-Gaara. "Here you go... um...Gaara..."_

_**"POPSICLE!" Shukaku cheered as he looked at the wrapped stick. "AND IT'S GRAPE FLAVORED."**_

_"No Uncle." Gaara refused Yashamaru's offer._

_Yashamaru looked confused. "I see, you want to use a Twinkie instead? Because I already said-"_

_"Uh...I mean a FULL MOON." Gaara pushed the hand holding the tampon back at his uncle...aunt? Yashamaru._

_"I heard that if you put a Twinkie in a refridgerator for a million years, it'll turn into LIQUOR!" Yashamaru informed Gaara as he raised a cheering fist in the air, then started sucking on a Twinkie. "Mmmm Twinkie...uh...full moon. OH YEAH!"_

_"Yeah?" Gaara hugged Yashamaru, pleased that he...she? Remembers._

_"I have a magazine session tonight! About Twinkies! After we see the movie, it's OFF TO SEXII WEATHER!" Yashamaru paid for some Twinkies, then dragged Gaara into the movie theater room._

_/a few minutes later/_

_It was the part where the animal guy arrived at the house to exterminate all of the animals."OH NOES! THE GUY IS HERE! EVERYONE HIDE!" the skunk yelled out to all of his friends (or her friends...I don't know. I never seen OTH)_

_People in the audience were watching in suspense as the exterminator walked towards the skunk's hiding place. He opened the cabinet and then-_

_RAWR_

_"AAAAAHHHHHHH!" People rushed out of the dark theater in panic as a huge monster stood before them. Yashamaru was sleeping on his chair, a coke cup resting on his arm._

_"-FEAR ME NOW BIOTCHES!" Shukaku gave a deafening roar at Yashamaru._

_**"YASHAMARU! RUN AWAY!" Gaara was now inside Shukaku's mind...yeah. It works like that. He was yelling for his 'loved' one to run away...but, seeing as no real person can hear someone's inner self, Yashamaru didn't hear him.**_

_"Don't worry, Scotty. Welcome to the Twinkie Train.." Yashamaru was talking in his dream as he shifted positions and was now making out with the cup of coke(which had alcahol in it...Yashamaru pours a bottle of it into all of his drinks)._

_Raymond rushed into the room then with an excorcist. "YASHAMARU!"_

_"OOH OVER THE HEDGE." The exorcist sat down and took Yashamaru's twinkie, quickly putting in on Ray's lap as Yashamaru suddenly woke up._

_"Oh you son of a BITCH!" Yashamaru took out a Kunai and tackled Ray, holding the kunai against the flesh on Ray's neck. "Hand over the Twinkie, and **NOBODY GETS HURT**!"_

_"Yashamaru!...wait. We got to get the monster out..."_

_"Monster?" Yashamaru looked around, looking for a monster. Instead, he saw Raymond, the exorcist, and some giant raccoon-dog roaring away and eating stuff. He turned to Ray, "You mean a Twinkie monster? hic...I don't see a monster, Rye..."_

_**"-IT'S RIGHT THERE!"**_

_Yashamaru peered harder around the room,. still trying to find the 'invisible' monster, who was really right in front of him. He pointed to the wall. "Rye...you should consider threapy, 'cuz the only people here is you, me, Mr. Twinkie, that guy, and Scotty over there." _

_Shukaku roared again and gripped Yashamaru and Raymond with one hand, bringing it up to his face. "You guys look DELICIOUS!"_

_Raymond was now face to face with the monster. "AAAAAAHHHHH!"_

_Yashamaru squinted his eyes, then smiled. "NOW I SEE IT!"_

"SEE! Now, get over your hangover, the bake-off is about to begin." Raymond slapped Yashamaru, who then took another sip of beer as Chiyo chuckled.

/at Jiraiya's station./

"OH...MY GOD..." Jiraiya had on a shock face as he pointed at the woman (man?) at Chiyo's station.

"What Jiraiya?" Tsunade said, but was then dragged by Jiraiya to the blond woman...man? known as Yashamaru, Jiraiya's -drunk- idol.

"ARE YOU YASHAMARU OF HOT WEATHER MAGAZINE?"

"No, I'm Twinkie and he's R." Yashamaru pointed at Raymond, then grabbed the cooking table to keep himself from falling over.

Raymond chuckled at his new nickname. "R?"

"Yeah...your other name took too long to write, so BAM! YOU'RE NOW R!" Yashamaru threw his arms out like symbolizing an explosion.

Jiraiya gulped and made his confession to his one and only idol."Yashamaru...I love you."

"..."

"Did you hear me, my lo-"

"Azurath metrion zinthos!" Yashamaru was mushing up a Twinkie in his hand, then was smushing the cream on Jiraiya's clothing.

"Ok..." Jiraiya thought of somethign to say. "PLEASE BE MY SEX SLAV-"

Raymond shushed Jiraiya. "Shh, we don't want Gaara to hear."

"Oh my god! YOU'RE SO...curvy..." Jiraiya's voice was getting more pleasant at he looked Yashamaru over. "Yashamaru...do you know who I am?"

"Uh...uh...uh...YES I DO."

"Who?" Jiraiya was jumping down with excitement.

Yashamaru thought for a long time, then gave an answer. "...Yeah, you STOLE MY TWINKIE WHEN I WAS SEVEN.."

"-THAT WAS **CHIYO**!"

"WAS NOT!" Chiyo smacked Jiraiya in the head. "I only BORROWED it."

"And we played Twinkie The Kid with all three of your seven year old students, Chiyo. That day rocked. Yashamaru wasn't famous at the time, but yet..." Jiraiya smiled in delight from the memory...which I will not play. "It WAS fun when we had to take turns being the jail cell...YASHAMARU, SAY MY NAME!"

Raymond gave Jiraiya a -You're-Gonna-Give-Us-Away-Look as Yashamaru blinked a lot, as if he didn't know where he was...which he doesn't. HE'S DRUNK. "Um...Twinkie?."

Jiraiya remained silent, then nodded, and grinned with pleasure, lifting Yashamaru up. "Sure."

/meanwhile/

"OH GUYS."

"oh **HELL** no."Hinata hid behind Shino as Kiba approached them, grinning like a homicidal maniac...or like Gaara in that one episode of Naruto when he fights Lee and he's all...grrining evilly, like a homicidal maniac...or like Gaara in that one episode of Naruto when he fights L-

(Kimi: YOU SAID THAT ALREADY)

Right, well...

"Guys, you'll never guess what we're going to do today."

"Hm. so far we stole bikes and hotwired a car, WHICH YOU WERE STUPID ENOUGH TO DRIVE IT OFF A CLIFF." Shino waved his arms at his teammate...un-Shino like. "You are so fecking. STUPID!"

"HEY, AT LEAST I'M NOT AN IDIOT!"

"THAT'S THE SAME THING." Shino said to Kiba.

"Riiiiiiiigghttt. Welll...We're going to sneak into school and change all of our grades to A plus pluses."

"KIBA-"

"DON'T START WITH ME HINATA. Now, we get into CAMOFLAUGE MODE." Kiba dragged Hinata and Shino to Party City, where they were going to buy costumes to make themselves 'fit in'.

-later-

"Dun. Dun dun...dun-dun-dun...dun dun..." Kiba was tiptoing silently in the school hall to his Algebra class first, humming that one spy tune. What was he dressed as? A robber?A teacher?

Did he use that invisible spray that washes off from that one Spongebob episode? Surely our criminal genius used THAT, one that can get by all security cameras.

But alas..WRONG. Kiba was dressed as a bush.

"What...the fuck..." Shino hissed in Kiba's ear. "A BUSH?"

"Not JUST a bush. A ROSE bush."Kiba said to Shino as if he was explaining difference between hot/cold, up/down, etc., yet Kiba's disguise is only him dressed in green, with a few roses taped onto parts of his body, and maybe 3 or 4 leaves.

"-THERE'S NO DIFFERENCE, PLANTS DON'T MOVE!" Shino and Hinata were also bushes, and were creeping along with Kiba in the dark school hallway.

Kiba was confused. "But they do in Paper Mario. See, the little paper guy moves, then the bush follows him, and he doesn't know, so then the bush attacks the little paper guy, rips his dick off, then kills him and the little game music plays that goes 'you-lose.' and THEN I have to start ALL-OVER AGAIN, whcih sucks if you didn't save before you battled the guy-"

"WE GET THE POINT." Shino said as he turned on Oro's computer by plugging in it's cord into the hole in the wall, then pushign the on button. (Kimi: That sounded wrong. -.-)

"Alrighty. Go into the gradebook." Kiba opened up Oro's gradebook. "Inuzuka, Kiba. F...F...Super F...WHERE THE HELL ARE ALL OF THESE FS COMING FROM?"

"They come from mommy and daddy Fs." Shino sarcastically murmured to Kiba. Hinata was shaking with fear of getting caught as Kiba nodded in agreement remembering 'Jiraiya's Sex Talk.' Shino sighed.

"Alright...now. A...A...A...A...comments. BEFORE: Kiba sucks in class and will fail at life. If he doesn't approve, I will personally assure he gets a curse mark on his dick. After: Kiba is an excellent student. Everyone in my class thinks that he is sex, and I completely agree. I will NOT be placing a curse mark on his dick anytime soon...Hinata, do you want me to do you?"

"N-no..." Hinata shook her head at the wrong-sounding question.

"Shi-"

"NO...and forget the pun." Shino crept away from Kiba and towards the exit when the doorknob turned from the outside. Shino, Hinata, and Kiba froze.

"Don't...move." Kiba whispered to his friends as the principal, the Third Hokage (Sandaime) entered the room.

Well, you'd think that it's over. Kiba, Hinata, and Shino are obviously miscamoflauged, and you may think Sandaime is going to capture and give them 50 billion hours of community service...yet, Sandaime merely scanned the room for people, not seeing Kiba, Hinata, and Shino. (Kimi: wtf. o.o)

"Ahh,this is wierd. I thought I heard some voices. It must be my head...HEY! A HAIKU!" Sandaime was happy about the discovery of his haiku poem, then rushed away back to his office.

Shino and Hinata nearly fainted. Kiba shrugged and turned off the computer. "As for me. Now, to Mr. Jiraiya's class." Kiba shivered at Jiraiya's name, then dragged Hinata and Shino to the science room...and shuddred even MORE when he saw all of the posters of Human Growth Development, etc.

"Riiiiight, well." Kiba looked at his grades for Jiraiya's class, a nervous hinata and annoyed Shino trying to hurry him up. "F...F...SUPER F...WHAT THE HELL, AGAIN?"

"Hey Kiba, look at this." Shino was holding up a model of the female reproductive organ (the vagina. o.o) and was -throughly- examining it.

Hinata closed her eyes while Kiba slapped the model away from him, "Shino, YOU'RE REALLY BUGGING ME..."

"ANOTHER PUN. CHANGE YOUR GRADES NOW please." Shino adjusted his sunglasses while Kiba made all of the Fs As.

"Alrighty. Before: Kiba sucks when we we do practice quizes at HGD, I always hear his partner complaining...**WHAT THE HELL, THERE'S AN ODD NUMBER OF BOYS**."

"Um...Kiba...try being a little b-bit quieter."Hinata was biting her nails with the fear of being labled a juvenile delinquent. "P-please..."

"Right right right. After: Kiba is the best Sex parntner...nah, if Kurenai sees this, she'll show all of the other senseis. 'Kiba is a remarkable student.' There. NEXT, TSUNADE'S CLASS."

/at Gaara's station/

"TEMARI."

"WHAT?" Temari yelled at her brother, who was right next to her.

Gaara receded from the outburst, then turned to his sister. "Did I just hear Yashamaru?"

"Yashamaru DIED, remember?" Temari sighed exasperatedly at her brother. "DIED A HORRIBLE PAINFUL DEATH."

"Yeah but LOOK OVER THERE." Gaara pointed to a blond man(woman) talking to a man who looks suspiciously like...Jiraiya. An old lady and another man, alogn with a woman that looks like Tsunade and a man that looks like Iruka with the guy that looks like Jiraiya.

Temari gave her alibi. "That can be anybody. We know Uncle Yashamaru likes two things. One, is being a pervert."

"AWESOME MISS PETUNIA!" Yashamaru hugged Jiraiya from a distance, then led him behind the refridgerator, where they were doing something that-is-not-appropriate-for-a-G-rated-bake-off. Luckily Temari and Gaara can't see what they're doing.

Gaara remained silent while Temari continued. "And the other is-"

"TWINKIE!" the two heard Yashamaru's voice squeal in delight, and a horny laugh from Jiraiya.

"..."

"Or that COULD be him." said Temari, stood corrected. She then tried to stall Gaara. "Um...Gaara-sama. Can you go get some knives and cutlery from the utensil box?"

So...a little heads up. what do we know about Gaara?

He has red hair and never sleeps. EVER. He HATES Yashamaru for being a didrty little traitor, and he also cried during that one Adam Sandler movie...what was it again? Oh yeah. Click. (Family comes FIRST! ;-;) and not to mention, he only has one person whom he consider his Bee Eff Eff...and that's Lee.

"FINE!" Gaara stormed across the room, shoving innocent bystanders aside.

"Hey Temari." Kankuro was holding some eggs, butter, and frosting, which he set down at the table and leaned against the wall seperating the Sand Station from another station. He glanced at his brother, who was about fifty light years away. "What's with him?"

"Yashamaru came back to life." a sigh escaped from Temari's lips and pointed at Yashamaru and Jiraiya, both with clothes (on) and talking to Tsunade, Iruka, and old lady and a man.

"Oh...I see." Kankuro didn't see...kinda. "HEY GAARA, DID YOU SAY HI TO YASHAMARU YET?"

"BITE ME." A knife was thrown at Kankuro, missing him barely as it hit the wall between Kankuro's two open legs, inches below his package.

"...um...okay..." Kankuro said, biting his lip as sweat ran down the back of his head. "Uh...Temari, who's that guy?"

"He looks like Dad." Temari leaned in trying to get a closer look at Raymond. "...hey, wait a minute-"

"ATTENTION, EVERYBODY. Please get to your stations, we are about to start the ANNUAL KONOHA BAKE-OFF." Ayame was on stage with a microphone. In front of her was Teuchi with a TV station camera. A little sign with the word 'applause' flashed on, signaling the audience to start clapping.

Ayame cleared her throat. "Now, for the rules. You have a one-hour time limit. You may not do anything to harm the other contestants' food...uhh. This is a BAKE-OFF, so the food must be a dessert baked in your oven. There is no limit to however much ingredients you use. Your entry will be rated on a scale of 1-10. Prizes are following. First prize is 10,000 dollars-"

"YEAH!" Gai was in a green cheerleader dress holding up pompoms and jumping up and down. "TEAM GAI RULES!"

"Uh...yeah. Second prize is an Easy Bake oven, and third prize is a set of Twinkie placemats. Everyone take your places!"

Everyone rushed to their stations quickly...except for the drunk people. The seisneis were all praying for their students to win, Kurenai praying for Asuma's. The judges sat at the table, hands folded while Teuchi gave the thumbs up sign.

"On your mark...get set...HEY LOOK A PENNY"

"ARGH!" All of the contestants groaned as Ayame picked up the penny.

"AND IT'S HEADS UP! I'M NAMIN' IT NEJI!"

"Ayame..." Teuchi mouthed the word 'go' as Ayame got up.

"Damn Teuchi. fine. GO PEOPLES GO."

**ONE HOUR LEFT**

Team Naruto

"HEY, WHY IS THE TEAM NAMED AFTER YOU?" Sasuke leaned against the counter, arms folded as Naruto put on the apron and chef's hat.

Naruto was shocked that Sasuke did not know. "BECAUSE I'M THE SMART ONE."

"Ohhhh!"

/5 seconds later/

"NO YOU'RE NOT!" Sasuke growled. Sakura slammed against the table laughing while Naruto was staring at the two as if they had no sense.

Sasuke stopped leaning against the wall and walked angrily to the judges. "WHAT THE HELL? WHY IS IT 'TEAM NARUTO'? NARUTO CAN'T EVEN TELL OUR TEAM FROM A POP-TART!!!"

"YES I CAN!" Naruto shouted to his friend. "POP-TARTS HAVE ICING!"

Gina shook her head, "Sorry Sasuke. Kaka-sensei said 'Team Naruto'...but, if you want, I CAN change it for you for a pric-"

"Later." Sasuke returned to his group, leaving Gina alone again.

"-DAMMIT!"

"Okay Naruto." Sasuke sighed as he and Sakura were taking out a bowl and mixing spoon. "Did you bring the food?"

Naruto laughed. "Uh...eheheh...yeah...was I supposed to?"

"NARUTO? HOW THE HELL ARE WE SUPPOSED TO MAKE IT?"

"Use the food in the refridgerator!" Naruto opened the refirgerator, then looked inside to see no food, but a spider web, spider still on it.

"Uh...who was the last person who looked in our fridge, Naruto?" Sasuke asked his 'friend'.

"Kakashi-sensei."

"I HATE YOU." Sasuke shook his fist at Naruto. "And yet...we'll just use an alretnitive."

Team Ino

"ALRIGHT GUYS!" Ino was giving orders to her friends on what to do. She pointed at Shikamaru. "You bake it."

She pointed at Choji. "And you decorate it.."

Shikamaru slowly blinked, then shrugged at his duty. "How troublesome...what about you?"

"I don't want to ruin my new outfit!" Ino was wearing a Baby Phat wardrobe, blue jeans with golden words in cursive on the legs, a red belt, and a black top with golden-cursive-words as well (and the baby phat logo). On her head was a red hat. "It's sexy..."

Choji took the frosting bag and squirted some chocolate frosting in his mouth, savoring every drop of chocolatey topping. "Wear an apron."

"-THEN NOBODY WILL SEE MY OUTFIT FAT-ASS, AND STOP EATING THE DAMN TOPPINGS." Ino whacked Choji on his head and kicked him.

"-**I'M NOT FAT, I'M JUST A LITTLE CHUBBY!"**

"Yeah, and Asuma-sensei never had sex in his life." Ino sarcastically countered Choji's remark with an analogy, leaving Choji confused.

"Yes he did."

"Choji you're NASTY. Shikamaru. BAKE OR BE BAKED!" A flaming background appeared, demons and fire cracking behind Ino as she towered over Shikamaru and gave a witch laugh (HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA)

"Uh...sure." Shikamaru cracked some eggs and mixed them in a bowl with cake batter, allong with butter, sugar, milk, and chocolate chips.

Choji stuck his hand in the bowl and took it out, his hand now covered with cake batter. He licked it off and was about to put his hand back into the bowl when Ino slapped it, causing him to grunt in a low voice."Little Ino-Bitch."

"WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?" Ino cracked her fist as the demons came to view again.

"Oh...I like Lilo and Stitch."

Ino stopped cracking her knuckles. "Oh...so do I. Shikamaru, bake it!"

Team Raymond

"Alright guys." Raymond took out the bowl and wooden spoon. "Which ingredients should we add?"

"I think we should add yo mama!" Chiyo cracked up with uncontrollable laughter and slapped Yashamaru on the back, causing him to fall over in drunkedness.

"Riiiiiight, well-"

"Dude...If i can be an animal right now...I'd be a giraffe and fly like that Twinkie with all the little people inside, you know in outer space..." Yashamaru held up his beer bottle along with Chiyo.

Chiyo nodded. "Amen, sister...but wasn't that The Magic School Bus?"

"The Magic Bus is HOT." Yashamaru tapped his beer bottle against Chiyo's (cheers), and they both took a sip.

Raymond shook his head in dissapointment and began mixing cream cheese and batter for a cheesecake. "Alright, guys. Let's focus."

Chiyo peered really hard at Raymond's face. "Focusing..."

"Dude what the hell...didn't Marcus say to knock out and bag Gaara at the end of this thing?" the Kazekage sighed. "I can't do it with these drunk people...Yashamaru, pass the eggs."

"...and the lord said 'GO TWINKIE GO!'" Yashamaru pretended to be the lord and slowly raised a cheering fist in the air. He dropped the egg he was holding. "UH-OH TWINKIE SPAGGETIOS!"

"DAMN YOU GUYS." Raymond gripped his egg too hard, causing it to crack, yolk oozing out. "YASHAMARU, mix now."

Yashamaru threw some SHELLED eggs and a twinkie into a bowl and began mixing the bowl. "Hey Twinkie-Ray...you wanna know who's hot?"

Chiyo put her hand in front of her mouth and began snickering as she awaited Yashamaru's answer. Raymond heaved a sigh (lotsa sighing in this fic...xD) "...who?"

"What's his name...Kaiba." Yashamaru and Chiyo howled with laughter as Raymond became confuzzled.

"WHO'S Kaiba?"

Yashamaru stared at the man as if he was brain damaged. "YOU KNOW, the guy who discovered that the sun was made of Twinkies." More laughter from the two drunked people as Raymond's expression first went like this (o.o) and then to this (-.-) as he poured the 'cake' batter into the pot.

Team Gaara

"PEOPLE, I HAVE A PROPOSITION!" Temari was trying to calm down Kankuro, who was dodging for his life while trying to hit his brother and Gaara, who was trying to kill Kankuro (he takes his anger out on his loved...wait...family.)

Kankuro hid behind her. "Damn Gaara you seem a little irritable. You got some sand in your vagina?"

"THERE IS NO SAND IN MY VAGINA!" Gaara attempted leap-punch at Kankuro, but since Temari was in the way, Temari caught him and tackled him to the ground as in wrestling.

"GAARA, QUIT BEING A BITCH. Now, if we want to win that easy bake oven, then we have to work hard...don't pay any attention to Yashamaru now, Gaara. Kill him AFTER the show."

"FINE!" Gaara got up and got out some ingredients. "Let's make one of those REALLY HUGE ONES, because I can use some sand to mike multiple bowls at once."

"Alright Gaara-sama, but this time if someone's going to jump out of ithe cake, make sure to put him in AFTER you bake it." Temari said as she watched her bother use sand to mix the cake.

Team Lee

"This sucks." Neji was wearing a pink apron. He was sitting down against the wall watchign Tenten mix some stuff in the bowl and Lee helping her.

Lee stepped away from Tenten. "Neji, I am afraid you are being a bit on the negative side. RIGHT GAI-SENSEI?" Lee struck a karate pose, in order to intimidate Neji to actually 'participate' in the bake-off.

"LEE! TAKE THEM OFF!" Gai gave a thumbs-up to Lee, who nodded.

"I thought this was a bake-off, not a fight-thingy." Tenten remarked.

"HAH! NOW I'M FREE! Let's see what you think now, NEJI." Lee said Neji's name in disgust, which enraged his roommate.

Neji closed his eyes, his facial expression the same as always. "Don't use that tone with me, kid. I'll kick your ass."

"Oh yeah,well I'd like to see you try."

"You're sounding like a little BITCH to me."

Lee was offended. "BITCH! DON'T CALL ME BITCH, BITCH!"

Neji stood up, face to face with his partner. "Yeah, well, bring it on, bitch!"

"I already brung it, bitch. I brung it, opened it, and set it on the table, bitch!"

"Nasty." Tenten coughed and nearly threw up as Neji's expression changed to this: (O.O)

Gai sighed and took out a megaphone. "THE WEIGHTS, LEE. THE WEIGHTS. PUT YOUR PANTS BACK ON."

"AYE-GAI-SENSEI." Lee did an aye-aye-captain-gesture as he pulled his pants up to his waist.

"Goddamn, I'm glad I don't have Sharingan..." Neji covered his eyes as Tenten placed the batter bowls into the preheated oven.

Ayame and Teuchi were twitching now from the scene that happened just now. "COMMERICAL BREAK"

---------------------------

Have you ever went to McDonalds and hope to get a combo meal at a really fly price? Right now, you and your loving family can be snacking at McDonalds for less than 7.99!

Zabuza: NO SHIT!

Because with the new McSmurfer, you can TOTALLY be having a great time with your family! You can have the McSmurfer, along with a McSalad, a McSmurfing Flurry, McFries, McCoke, and an awesome side dish of apple pie, all for less than sevsen ninety nine! SMURF YEAH!

Tsunami: Welcome to McDonalds honey, may I take your order?

Zabuza: Yes, how about if you get your bitch-ass back in the kitchen and MAKE ME SOME PIE! 8D

With the new McSmurfer, you can get a happy meal on the side, along with either Nascar or Barbie toys!

Inari: NASCAR!

Jiraiya: BARBIE! 8D

(cue to Zabuza/Haku/Inari/Jiraiya/Tzuna sitting in a booth, Tsunami serving them a lot of food)

Haku: (reading from a line card) Um... I'm lovin' the new McSmurfer!

Jiraiya: (takes a bite) OH MY GOD, THERE'S AN ORGY IN MY MOUTH..XD

Zabuza: (takes out sword) THE MCSMURFER IS SO GOOD, YOU'LL BE SAYING: SHIT, DAWG!

Inari : Please buy the McSmurfer! It's delicious, and my dad won't kill you!

McDonalds, badapapapa, I'm smurfin' lovin' it!

-----------------------------

Team Jiraiya

"YOU BETTER RUN YOU BETTER WHAT YOU CAN..DON'T WANNA SEE NO BLOOD DON'T BE A MACHO MAN!" Iruka was singing in a high-pitched voice to Beat It, as Tsunade was beating the eggs.

"My Yashamaru-san. AFTER THE BAKE-OFF I'LL GET HIS AUTOGRAPH!" Jiraiya was crying with tears of happiness.

"Bitch, don't make me blow your balls off." Tsunade cracked her fists at Ero-Sannin. "Next thing you know, you're gonna have sex with him."

"..."

"Oh NO YOU DID NOT." Tsunade hissed at Jiraiya, who laughed nervously as he played with his fingers.

Tsunade poured some cake mix into the bowl and started beating vigurously. "GRRRRRRR."

Iruka nudged Jiraiya. "Dude...you just met the guy. Wouldn't you consider him your friend?"

"NO! I LOVE HIM!" Jiraiya conteadicted Iruka's statement.

"He's a FRIEND!"

"LOVE!"

"FRIEND!"

"LOVE!"

**"-ALRIGHT, WHICH ONE OF YOU BITCHES STOLE MY PHILLIP?!"**

"!" Jiraiya and Iruka froze as they both turned around to face a towering scary-looking figure, otherwise known as Yashamaru.

"Yasham-"

"DO NOT. INTERRUPT. ME." Yashamaru smacked Jiraiya then karate-kicked him, knocking the air out of the guy. He then turned to Iruka, like Sakura when she's being called billboard brow. "Hello there."

"AHHHH!" Iruka ran fro his life, yet tripped over Jiraiya.

"GIVE MY TWINKIE BACK OR I WILL **CHOKE **YOU WITH YOUR OWN INTESTINE."

As Yashamaru lunged forward, Jiraiya waved his hands frantically. "YASHAMARU! PLEASE! WE'LL GIVE YOU THE TAPE TO THIS ONE EPISODE OF SPONGEBOB!"

Yashamaru abruptedly stopped in his tracks. "Which one?"

"The one when Spongebob wins the Pimp of the Month award and the squid goes Super-Sayan on his ass."

"DEAL!" Yashamaru shook Jiraiya's hand and took the DVD, then walked back to his station. "BYE BYE JIRAIYA!"

"BYE MY SWEET!" Jiraiya waved bye to his idol, then began singing as he put the pan into the oven, then began singing like the song Beat It. "Bake me a cake as fast as you can! I wanna be the one who you do in the can!"

"FREAKIN SHUT UP, please and thank you." Tsunade whacked Jiraiya in the head as she set the time for thirty minutes.

**Fifteen Minutes Left**

Naruto's Team

/ding/

"Ugh." Sasuke closed his eyes. "I'm gonna fucking LOSE that bet."

"Bet?" Sakura asked her crush. "Sasuke-kun, what bet?"

"The one with Lee that goes If I lose, he'll go on a date with you." Sasuke waved a hand at Sakura.

"NARUTO, YOU BETTER FUCKING BEAT'S LEE'S TEAM OR YOUR DICK WILL GO OVER THE FIREFLACE!"

"HEY! WE ALREADY HAVE TAZUNA'S DICK OVER THE FIREPLACE!"

"THEN WE'LL PUT YOURS NEXT TO IT!" Sakura kicked Naruto's balls, causing him to scream in pain...very loudly.

**Kyuubi winced from the sore pain he was feeling, then leaped at Inner Sakura."SLUT!"**

**"YOU'RE A SLUT!" Sakura's inner self tackled Kyuubi, and both started...how you say...a fight!**

Naruto limped to the oven and (with orange oven mitts on), opened it and removed his piece. "Alrighty guys, let's decorate."

Ino's team

/ding/

"BITCHIN'!"Ino removed a pan from the oven containing chocolate cake, mitts on her arms. She shoved the sleeping Shikamaru off the decorating table and set the pan down."Alright Choji, do your thing."

"ALRIGHT!" Choji slammed his hands on the table. "CAKE-DECORATING JUTSU!"

Choji began frosting the cake with a creamy chocolate forsting, then becan sprinkling it with bits of mint chocolate, and mint chocolate flowers on the edges. Carefully, he wrote 'Team Ino' on the top of the cake with mint icing. "LET'S EAT!"

"-NO!" Ino began running to Choji.

/pause/

'At that time, I knew I had two choices. I could either get that cake, or ruin my new outfit' Ino thought. 'I know what I must do!'

/end pause/

Ino stopped and watched Choji devour their cake, licking his forsting-smeared lips.

"Choji?"

"Yes?"

"I'LL KILL YOU!" Ino ran to Choji, her arms out to strangle him.

Choji smirked and held out his own chocolatey frosted hands. Ino abruptedly halted in her tracks and backed away. "Yeah, can't hurt me now, right?"

"Whatever..." Shikamaru rolled over in his sleep and hugged his thigh as itf it were a pillow.

Team Raymond

Raymond stared down at the 'cake' he just pulled out. It was a mess of egg-shells and twinkies. "What the hell...but that's not even what we're here for, so let's not even bother."

"R!"

"What Chiyo?"

"I can spell my name!" Chiyo took another sip of beer. "C-H-E-E-O...wait, no. C-H-I...WELL, YOU GET THE POINT."

"GOOD JOB CHIYO!" Yashamaru clapped his hands at the wall he was facing.

"Thank you thank you. Now, I would like to thank...wait. YASHAMARU!"

"What?"

"Y-YOUR EYES! Chiyo yelled frantically and pointed to Yashamaru's eyes.

Yashamaru slowly blinked at the wall, whom he thought was Chiyo. "What about them?"

"THEY'RE PURPLE, DUHHHH!"

"They are?" Yashamaru tried to see the color of his eyes...but we know you can't, not without a mirrir, right?

/5 seconds later/

"Ohh! They are purple, aren't they?" Yashamaru and Chiyo exploded to laughter as Raymond stared at the two drunken idiots.

"-GUYS!"

"Chiyo...let's be...what do you call those people who watch children...p-PARENTS!' Yashamaru said to the wall. "I'm the dad and you're the mom."

"Okay! And R is our son!" Chiyo hugged Ray, which turned out to be Yashamaru.

Raymond sat down on top of the decorating table. "I'm not even gonna say anything."

"GIVE R THE TALK! GIVE R THE TALK!" Yashamaru hopped with excitement as he nudged Chiyo with his elbow...then got pain from the wall. "OW!"

"I thought the moms were sposed to give the talk." Chiyo coughed. "Oh well. R, when a mommy and a daddy love each other VERY MUCH-"

Raymond cut her off. "Chiyo. Please."

"They don't hafta love each other, it could be forcible rape." Yashamaru informed the wall while rubbing his elbow.

"WELL THEY LOVE EACH OTHER IN THIS STORY. So...when a mommy and a daddy love each other VERY MUCH, the mommy makes a call to the stork who comes to New York and drops a diamond in a cabbage patch. Soon, pixies will come and use all their magical fairy dust to make that cabbage into a BABY!"

"My parents did something different." Ray told Chiyo. "They had s-"

"MY TURN!" Yashamaru faced Ray, who actually turned out to be the REAL Chiyo. "I wanna give a talk!"

"Alright...I forgot your name again."

"Twinkie." Yashamaru reminded the wall, who then nodded as if remembering something great.

"Oh yeah!"

"Alright R...when a BIOLOGICAL mommy and a BIOLOGICAL daddy convice each other to get in bed, the mommy puts her penis in the daddy's vagina...wait, no. Uh...what did I say?"

Chiyo thought for a loooong time. "I forgot!"

"ME TOO! HIGH FIVE!" Yashamaru high-fived the wall and Chiyo high-fived herself, laving Ray looking really pissed off.

"On second thought, I think I really need one of these." Raymond said to himself, opening a can of beer.

Team Gaara

Team Gaara removed their cake from the oven and decided to make it a wedding cake...yeah. A little Shikamaru as the groom and Temari as the bride...it was Temari's idea.

"Alright, who's going to jump out of it?" Gaara asked his siblings.

Temari raised her hand. "I VOLUNTEER...Kankuro, to be the guy who jumps out of the cake."

"I SECOND THAT-heyyy" Kankuro complained as Gaara dragged him to the cake and started to put him in.

/a few mintes later/

"Hah, we're done." Temari eyed the wedding cake, which had no sign of anyone being inside of it.

"Yeah...I guess..."as long as we beat Yashamaru." Gaara rested his chin against his hands on the tabletop as he waited for this contest to end.

Team Lee

Tenten took out the cheesecake she made and set it on the table, setting the empty bowl of cheesecake batter on the side. "Alright guys, time for toppings and all of that."

"Guys...I put my penis in that bowl of cheesecake batter." Lee giggled as Neji and Tenten nearly threw up again.

"WTF. I JUST LICKED THAT BOWL!" Neji used a gentle-fist technique and knocked Lee into a world of hurt, as he tried to spit out the taste of the batter.

"Ow..."

"Oh nasty, I am NOT going to eat anymore cake. Let's decorate it." Tenten frosted the edges of the cake with chocolate frosting, then put two strawberried in the center, two chocolate leaves next to them. "Voila."

"YAY TENTEN!" Lee and Tenten did that fist-high-five thingy. "I'M GOING TO HAVE A DATE TONIGHT!"

"Date?" Tenten stopped cheering.

"With Sakura-chan!"

"Oh...well have a good time."

**"NO WAY!" Inner Tenten yelled angrily. "LIKE HELL WE'RE NOT SPYING ON THEIR DATE!"**

"Neji...um...you wanna go out?" Tenten asked Neji, a plan hatching.

Neji raised an eyebrow. "Uh-"

"COMMERCIAL!" Ayame cut into the scene angrily. "NOW!"

----------------------------------

Hello, my name is Hyuuga Hiashi. A few weeks ago, a ferrari has beed reported stolen. How? Why? By who? We may naver know. Let's cut to a few scenes.

_"My name is Marcus, and I'm the leader of the AKATSUKI ORGINIZATION OF WORLD DOMI-err...car incurance. And I also work for Geico. So, Mr. Geico lizard, is it true that customers report average annual savings of over 500 dollars?"_

_"Well, ye-"_

_/splat/_

_"YEE HAW!" the driver of a speeding blue ferrari drove away north, a dog barking along with him drowing out the sound of people screaming. Marcus looked down at the Geico Lizard's caracass and backed away slowly. "kay..."_

Here is another.

_"MOMMY! I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM!" Inari tugged at the skirt of his mother and was hopping impatiently._

_"Alright honey, let's just cross the street." Tsunami was about to lead Inari to cross the street when_

_/zoom/_

_"YEAH BITCH YEAH!" The driver of the speeding blue car's voice was heard all the way from where Tsunami was standing. Tsunami was in a state of shock when Inari was shaking with terror. _

_"I...d-don't haveta go anymore."_

We've also interviewed a few people from the streets. Here's what they had to say.

_Yondaime: Someone threw a paint can on my head...and it was FULL!_

_Konohamaru: I'M GLAD I'M STILL A REAL BOY!_

_Hanabi: That bitch was going at about a billion miles per hour, tops...but he ran over Konohamaru's bike. I told that dumbass to keep it on the damn sidewalk._

_Konohamaru: HEYYYY, YOU THREW IT IN THE STREET!_

_Hanabi: THAT'S BECAUSE YOU MADE FUN OF ZUKO!_

_Konohamaru: Yeah, because **YOU **stole my animal crackers! And Zuko is UGLY!_

_Hanabi: DIE!_

_(censored)_

As you can see, we are currently looking for the suspect of this uproarity...I actually wonder if he's also the same cause of the stolen bikes. If you have any suspicions, then call our news station.

------------------

Team Jiraiya

"Alright guys. Let's decorate this thing so I can go home and sleep." Tsunade frosted her vanilla creme cake yellow...yes. It was Jiraiya's idea to make it look like a Twinkie. How did he get Tsunade to agree with him? DO WHAT ALL MEN DO.

He flipped a coin and Jiraiya won.

"There. HAPPY NOW, JIRAIYA?"

"Yes...yes I am." Jiraiya said.

Tsunade couldn't take it anymore. "JIRAIYA, repeat after me. I would rather have you cut off my dick with a chainsaw than spend my life with Yashamaru."

"B-BUT I LOVE YASHAMARU!" Jiraiya cried.

**_"SAY IT."_ **

"Fine...I'd rather have you vut off my dick with a chainsaw than spend my life with Yashamaru."

"Good."

Iruka was on the floor sleeping. Jiraiya sank down and closed his eyes, thinking about Yashamaru and began imagining the life they were going to have together.

_"AHH, HOW PERFECT." Jiraiya was wearing a speedo in Hawaii on a hammock it rocked from side to side. Yashamaru came out wearing a towel around his his body. _

_"Twinkie, my love?" Yashamaru held up a Twinkie._

_Jiraiya grinned "You bet." _

_Yashamaru stuck one end of the Twinkie in his mouth as Jiraiya closed his eyes and stuck the other end in his mouth, making them kiss. _

Jiraiya oepened his eyes to see himself making out with his big toe...apparently, he must have fallen sleep, too. He looked up to see Tsunade, holding a chainsaw. "HOLD STILL."

"AHHHH!"

**"ALRIGHT GUYS! STOP WHAT YOU'RE DOING! THE FIRST PART OF THE KONOHA BAKE-OFF IS OVER!" **

Everyone stopped what they were doing, the sleepign people waking up, the sitting people standing up, and everyone crowding around the cake they made.

"Alright, now bring your entrees to the judges." Ayame motioned everyone to the judge table, where the judges waved hi.

"First up is Team Naruto"

"TADAA!" Naruto presented the judges with his cake. "A pots-n'-pans cake!"

"Do you expect me to eat that?" Oro looked with disgust at the cluster of melted pots and pans on a plate. "0."

Zabuza shrugged and tried a piece. "2."

Kashike tired a piece as well. "Um...I'm gonna be nice. THIS IS THE WORST SHIT I'VE EVER ATE! NEGATIVE TWELVE!"

"TEN!" Gina held up a little cardboard piece that says 10, then winked at Sasuke.

Oro, Zabuza, Kashike, and Gina nodded at Team Naruto, who took their piece and walked away.

"Next is Team Ino."

"Uh...heh heh...we don't have one." Ino smiled and tried to win the judgs over with her looks.

Oro blinked. "0."

Zabuka blinked as well. "I'll rate you guys on your looks, just to be fun. Zero for the girl. Ten for the smart-guy. Negative Ten for the fat guy. Ay kay ay, 0."

"TEN! I LOVE YOUR OUTFIT!" Kashike smiled at Ino.

"I know." Ino smiled back.

"Dude, what the hell, there's not even any cake. Zero." Gina gave her number, then nodded.

"Next is Team Raymond."

Raymond sighed and place a burnt piece of twinkie with egg shells sticking out of it. Oro tried it first.

"3."

Zabuza tried it next. "4."

"Dude I like owe you my life." Kashike nodded at Yashamaru, then tried a piece of the cake. "8"

"And 0." Gina said, lowering her eyes to the list. "Next is team Gaara."

Temari pulled a wagon with giant wedding cake, then Kankuro jumped out of it. "TA-DAA!"

"Yays!" Oro clapped his hands, then stopped clapping when he noticed everyone staring at him. He tried a piece. "I mean...6."

"Uh...5." Zabuza said as he tried the cake. "It's kinda wierd."

Kashike sampled a piece, then looked at the contestants. Her eyes locked on Gaara. "You owe me Skechers. " (will be explained at the end of the chapter) "3."

"And 0." Gina said, without even trying a piece.. "Next is Team Lee."

"OH YEAH!" Tenten broguht a cheesecake and set it in front of the judges. "Try it!"

All of the judges tried it.

"10."

"10..."

"10"

"0...and I'm not trying any of that nasty stuff." Gina pushed the cake away. "Last is Jiraiya."

"Here's our cake!" Jiraiya set his Twinkie cake down, then noticed Yashamaru staring angrily at him. "Uh..."

"PHILLIP!" Yashamaru called out to the cake, then punched Jiraiya HARD...who actually turned out to be Iruka. He made a grab for the cake, but the judges have already finished eating it.

"10, 10, 10, 0."

"NOOO!" Yashamaru cired out as Ray dragged him back to his station. "BITCHES! GIVE BACK MY SON!"

"Son?" Jiraiya stared at Yashamaru. "You're married?"

"YEAH!" Yashamaru fumbeled in his apron pocket and showed Jiraiya a picture of his wife. "SEE?"

"-...CHIYO!?"

"YES!" Yashamaru grabbed his wallet back and waved bye-bye at Jiraiya.

'It's true..." Chiyo closed her eyes. "Me and Yashamaru got married."

"What?"

"We were drunk at the time, okay? We gotta go." Chiyo dragged Yashamaru out of the building.

Gaara made a move towards them. ":HEY WAIT-"

/thump/

"Uhhh..." Gaara fell into a deep sleep as Raymond tossed aside the frying pan that he hit Gaara with, then dragged his unconcious body out of the building.

"Hey!" Temari and Kankuro made a start towards Raymond, but stopped when he took out a gun and pointed it at Teuchi

"ANYONE FOLLOWS ME OR...OR, I'LL SHOOT HIM!"

"Don't shoot Teuchi!" Ayame said to Raymond. "He's the one who gives me money."

"Later." Raymond left with Gaara.

**Silence**

Sasuke broke the silence. "...what the hell just happened?"

"Dunno. We will now announce the winner, back to your stations people!" The audience watched as everyone rushed back to their stations yet again.

"Alright...first place, with 10,000 is Neji's team with 31 points!"

"31?" Gina looked around. "Who gave him a point?"

"Over here." Ayame waved at Gina as Neji's team was jumping up and down cheering. "Hah...Second is, with the Easy Bake Oven, Jiraiya's team with 30 points!"

"Forget it." Jiraiya sat gloomily. "An Easy Bake oven is nothing without Yashamaru."

"HEY!" Tsunade held up a chainsaw.

"I MEAN-yay?"

"Third place, with 15 points, is Team Raymond with the Twinkie placemats-"

"MOVE IT!" The elevator door opened and out stepped Yashamaru, who ran to the stage and snatched the placemats. He left again as soon as he claimed his prize.

"And that concludes the Konoha New York bake-off!" Ayame said as Teuchi turned off the camera.

/later/

"HA-HA, SASUKE! LOOKS LIKE I GET A DATE!" Lee waved the 10,000 check in Sasuke's face.

Sasuke thought, then smirked. "Alright, Lee...I hope you and Naruto have a good time."

"WE WILL-wait...what?" Lee put on a shocked face as Sasuke grinned.

"You said you wanted a date with my teammate...you never said it had to be Sakura." Sasuke said and led Sakura and Kakashi away towards the elevator.

"YES! MY FIRST DATE!" Naruto cheered and hugged Lee, who shoved him off.

"SASUKE! LIKE HELL I'M NOT CALLING OROCHIMARU FOR YOUR BRITHDAY!"

"DO IT AND I'LL CALL HAKU." Sasuke yelled at him from the elevator.

Lee sighed, "FINE! It's a date!"

------------------------------------------------------------------------

So that's chapter 6...sorry for a really bad judge scene. DON'T BLAME ME. XD

Kimi: AGAIN, I'm underused.

**Next chapter summary: **

**What happens on Lee and Naruto's date? And now that Marcus has Gaara, what's his plan? And check out the hottest new boy band! **

Stay tuned to find out, etc.


	7. Chapter 7, Taming the Wild

Chapter 7

Taming the wild!

KNY, the modern Naruto story

made from boredom and etc.

I will never be a writer. o.o

Kimi: o rly?

Yes. o.o

This is chapter 7 of KNY. The original Ch. 7 also got deleted for some unexplained reason, so this one took a bit longer than usual. XD

Item brands c. whoevermadethem. Me and Naruto equals a BIG FAT NO. o.o

Chapter dedicated to...nobody in particular. Whoever reads it. XD

Ch. summary: **What happens when we have to face our old fears (Ray in particular. o.o)? Also, a normal day at the grocery store gone bad. Lee and Naruto have their waited date, yet Tenten spies to them on a date with Neji, but there's another dark force out there spying on THEM. Who is this dark force? And what are their plans?**

**Note: Sorry, but I had to cut out the boy band thing...x.x It just didn't come out right. FORGIVE ME. ;.; **

**(note to self: I'M NOT GOOD AT ADVERTISING)**

**----------------------------**

It was nighttime, and Raymond was discussing serious matters with his closest friends whom he worked with (NOT LIKE THAT). Everyone else was in his or her apartment, having a great time. The city of Konoha, New York was aglow with lights and all of that stuff that makes a city nice.

"In order to figure out who gets to kill the jinchuriki, we have to do what all strategists do. ROCK PAPER SCISSORS SHOOT." Raymond sarcastically suggested as if he were a rocket scientist.

However, his teammates Chiyo and Yashamaru took him for granted...yet again.

Chiyo sighed and all three of them took their turns. "Rock."

"Ray! I got rock! I got ROCK! YAY ROCK!" Yashamaru shouted, high-fiving Chiyo.

**(In a world where everything is unfair...)**

"Sorry, Yashamaru. Paper." Ray said.

"Damn, EVERYTHING IS SO UNFAIR!"

**(sits a brown-haired former kazekage with his blond haired girl-slash-boy-friend.)**

"What? THAT'S ABSOLUTELY PREPOSTOROUS." Yashamaru yelled out to Raymond and Chiyo, slamming his fists on the table as if saying 'OBJECTION'

"Agreed." Raymond stated. "I NO longer have any relationship to that gentleman over there whatsoev-"

"I MEAN, WHAT THE HELL. THERE'S **NO** WAY PAPER CAN BEAT ROCK."

(overruled)

"...huh?" Raymond stared dumbfounded at Yashamaru, who was now holding both a rock and a twinkie.

**(and they appear to be having relationship problems. (hint hint, wink wink, nudge, dotdotd-)**

"Uhhhh..."

"Are you suggesting that paper is supposed to magically wrap itself around the rock? Why the hell can't it do that to scissors?" Yashamaru asked Chiyo for advice.

"Yashamaru, may I ask what you are talking ab-"

Chiyo interrupted. "Hmm, maybe it's because scissors will cut paper."

"BUT ROCK CAN TEAR PAPER IN ABOUT TWO SECONDS. You don't see paper magically wrapping itself around me and killing me on the spot when I'm drawing pictures of twinkies!"

Raymond was still looking at the two people arguing as if he had no idea what they were talking about. He took out a sheet of paper and began filling out a form to apply to the Akatsuki org.

Name: Raymond Place of Birth: Konoha, New York Age: 40

Social Status: SINGLE-

/whack/

"OWWWWW!" Raymond touched his forehead lightly, then examined the blood on his fingers. He looked on the floor to see what hit him, and it turns out it was a rock.

Yashamaru smirked. "Oh shit. I'm SO sorry, Ray. I could have sworn that PIECE OF **PAPER **WOULD PROTECT YOU."

"Grrr." With that, Ray got up and began moving towards the blond Twinkie-lover.

Chiyo sighed then went to super-saiyan mode and swung back her lantern. "MOVE BACK YOU SON OF A B-"

**WOAH. **

**Wait a MINUTE. **

We need to go to a flashback.

For those of you that were too LAZY to read ch. 1-6, I gotta fill you in on what happened.

----

**Raymond and his friends were sent to capture Gaara for Marcus (the AL) of the Akatsuki for world domination stuff. **

**Orochimaru had revived them and they all got about a year to live, then BACK TO THE GRAVE.**

**Raymond's party consists of**

**Name: Yashamaru Age: 40 Place of Birth: Arizona**

**Birthday: May 23rd Social Status: Married, has a few fangirls/boys**

**and**

**Name: Chiyo Age: 86 Place of Birth: Arizona**

**Birthday: July 26th Social Status: Married, was previously married**

**So now Gaara is locked in a jail in Marcus's office and Raymond had just earned them ponderings for joining the Akatsuki.**

**A bit more on their personalities.**

**Raymond. Forty-year-old Kazekage virgin (actually. He's not a virgin; he has kids and a wife. BUT, he hasn't had sex for SO LONG, Chiyo and Yashamaru consider him a virgin, a fact that really pisses Ray off but he gets used to it...XP) brown funky hair.**

**Ray is the kind of person who takes matters seriously and prefers being the leader and directing people on their tasks (AKA, the 'bitcher') and this is what got him to be Kazekage, but he was killed (by Oro. o.o) His name means 'Worthy Protector' (that has GOT to be the MOST contradicting name I had EVER given somebody. XD) and he's strong, the kind of person that will most likely succeed (he did succeed. He ruled a COUNTRY. o//o tough he died. Gaara was second in line, but that's to come sometime in Chapter Eight...yes, I'm spoiling it for you. oh. em. gee. XP)**

**Yashamaru. Forty-year-old Arazonian Magazine model (the kind of magazine you'd give anything to buy...esp. if you're a guy...or a girl. w/e) he has long blonde hair, up to his ass now, and most people confuse him for a girl (and he doesn't really care)**

**Happy most of the time, he's hyper and will push everyone to doing whatever pleases them (AKA, the 'annoying-ass prep') and this is what got him to be a magazine model, that, and the people who hired him can make money easily. Addicted to a certain snack cake (Hmm. Ho-hos? Lemon Meringue Pies? Dunkin Donuts? OOH! ZEBRA CAK-) name means female demon (well...they got the 'demon' part down) and he's known to dislike only ONE person in his life, it being Gaara. (If I HAVE to go through that whole Karura-Yasha thing, tough because I won't) the kind of person who would be elected 'most likely to become a man-whore' (And he is! o.o) Known to attact the elderly (Chiyo, Jiraiya)**

**Chiyo. 87-year-old priestess (THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELLS YOU O) slash Yashamaru's wife (sorry Jiraiya), she doesn't get violent often. Has long gray hair (up to her chest. CHEST) which she wears in a bun, her brother is Ebizou.**

**She defends her husband a lot, and she likes getting drunk with him (like Sex on the Beach, except without the beach) and carries an old lantern. Name means Thousand Years (bullseye) and doesn't like Ray in particular (I'm also surprised she lived for so long...) She's more of a quiet, self sufficient type who won't bother you unless she gets mad (AKA, Silent but Deadly) in which she will then hit you with a lantern.**

**So, that's Team Ray. Although, they WILL have a new addition later on (I wonder who. o.o) **

----

We now return to the THRILLING conclusion of...Madara's Modern Naruto Story!

...Or Konoha New York!

...or whatever-else-you-like-to-call it

"-ITCH." Chiyo spat out as she knocked Raymond's knee with her lanturn, causing the brown-haired male to ightly clasp his hands on his kneecap in pain.

"Chiyoooo." Raymond moaned, then his voice turned to the creepy, expressionless tone that it usually had. "Let's go get some bedrest and continue this tommorrow."

"No, YOU'RE JUST IN A CORNER." Yashamaru grinned evilly while cracking his knuckles, then biting into a twinkie.

Raymond heaved a long sigh. "Yashamaru-"

"YOU'RE IN A DAMN CORNER. Watch. Chiyo. Do you think rock should beat paper?"

"Damn straight." Chiyo snickered as she gave Yashamaru a thumbs up.

Yashamaru picked up his twinkie. "Mr. Twinkiekins, do you think rock should beat paper?"

He then held the snack cake up to his ear, then whispered something back to it. Raymond blinked a lot when Yashamaru pointed at him. "SEE! TWO-OH!"

"Yashamaru-"

"I'm gonna call my friends!"

"Idiots." Raymond said to himself as he walked out of the room, Yashamaru rapidly dialing numbers.

/the next day/

"We already set the deal with Marcus. After we deliver him the jinchuriki, we are in the Akatsuki."

It was a chilly day in Raymond's apartment where he invited his friends Chiyo and Yashamaru. Along with them, he also invited Ebizou, Chiyo's brother, and Sasori, their grandson. Sasori and the elderly were seated in chairs drinking refreshments, when Chiyo got up and began arguing with the former Kazekage on what to do with Gaara.

"Sasori. You know how Rock can beat Scissors and Scissors can beat Paper, right?" Yashamaru nudged Sasori for an answer, Raymond with a look in his eye that says 'I-can't-believe-he's-still-at-this'

"Yeah..."

"Well, SHOULDN'T ROCK ALSO BEAT PAPER?"

Sasori shrugged. "I guess."

"WHAT DID I SAY!!" Yashamaru cheered and waved a twinkie in the air.

"Yashamaru, can you shut your ass up and get back to the main issue here, it being GAARA?" Ray slammed his hand on the wall and changed the subject.

"Well, I don't know about you, but I kissed my grandson and loved him to death as if he were my own, right my little Sasoriwuggles?" Chiyo cooed at Sasori, who blushed in embarrasment and gave her a death glare as everyone else but Raymond laughed.

"Grrr. I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS." Raymond rolled his sleeves up as he do before he fights. His muscles bulged and he clenched his fists at the old lady. "En gaurde."

"You're on bitch!" Chiyo smirked as she took off her old lady dress to reveal a skin-tight black catsuit/fighting outfit. Sasori and Ebizou spat out and choked on their Sprite, revolted by the sight.

Yashamaru stepped in between the two. "Oh my god THIS IS SO DAMN SEXY! Can we make it so you guys wrestle in an arena made of t-"

_"Shut up." _Raymond cut off the blonde. "As I was saying, Sasori. Gaara is being taken to the hands of Sir Marcus, so then we'll be in?"

"I guess so." Sasori shook hands with Marcus and left.

---------------------------------------------

/the next day/

Raymond and his team stepped off the elevator after it took them to the top floor of the Akatsuki org. building. They made their way to Marcus's office where they were greeted by Deidara.

"Marcus? There are some visitors here-"

"SEND THEM IN! SEND THEM IN!" Marcus raised his voice from his office, where there appeared to be a racket going on. Deidara shrugged and let Raymond's team in the room and closed the door behind them.

Inside, Marcus was staring admiredly at his 'plan' with his arms crossed. His 'plan' consisted of a large white laundry basket. Underneath the basket was a scowling, angry Gaara laying down on his stomach with his arms and legs crossed. On top of the basket was an unwrapped twinkie, and there were more twinkies in a neat row surrounding the basket.

"S-sir Marcus, what did you do?" Chiyo asked, trying not to laugh. Yashamaru was hopping up and down at the sight at his favorite snacks. Raymond rolled his eyes up to the cieling...Chiyo and Yashamaru looked up there, too, but they didn't see anything.

"Oh, simple. Just a way to get our jinchuriki friend out of trouble." Marcus explained to the team.

Chiyo then put on a straight face. "Can't he just lift up the basket?"

"Ha! Exactly! Gaara wouldn't DARE touch any item contanimated with the electrons and crumbs of a twinkie!" The Akatsuki leader let out a maniacal laugh.

"TWINKIES!"

"YASHAMARU! NO!" Marcus tried to stop the idiotic Yashamaru from picking up the twinkie. After he ate it, in the blink of an eye, he ran to the cabinet and removed another twinkie from the box, unwrapped it, and set it carefully on top of the backet once more.

"Moron." Raymond slapped Yashamaru on the shoulder, who whined in pain and ate another twinkie.

"Don't eat any of the plan. Now. All we got to do is figure out a way to get the demon to the statue so it could be removed and Gaara would die." Marcus stated.

Yashamaru peered in one of the laundry basket holes. "Awwwww." He stuck his finger in it and wiggled it, complementing Gaara on his 'cuteness' "But you don't deserve to die don't you you sweet little itty-bitty-"

/crunch/

"OWWWW!" Yashamaru stepped back away from the basket clutching his now-bleeding finger. He pointed to the basket with his foot, where Gaara was now smirking in satisfaction. "RAY! HE BIT ME!"

"Are you stupid or something?" Raymond asked the blonde twinkie-lover. "Watch." Raymond cleared the area of twinkies and removed the laundry basket, setting Gaara free. Ray then took out a squeaky-hot-dog0dog-toy-thingy and began squeaking it.

"Now, Gaara. I have let you out. In return, you must do exactly as we say-"

Gaara pounced on Ray and then, at that moment, tried to bite his arm off. Marcus, Chiyo, and Yashamaru gasped as they watched the scene in horror.

"HELP ME HERE! AHHH!" Raymond used his free arm to punch Gaara's head, but he just bit harder.

Gaara growled as he used one of his hands to slap Ray. "I'M NOT A DAMN ANIMAL."

"LIKE HELL YOU AREN'T!" The former kazekage set his foot on Gaara's stomach, then with a backwards-somersault type of roll, he threw Gaara off of him and sent him crashing against the wall.

"Grr."

"Oh shit." The three people who were not participating in the fight said at the same time, noticing Gaara's anger.

"CALL THE ZOO!" Raymond exclaimed to them, now trying to dodge Gaara's animal-like moves.

Chiyo just stood there in amazement. It was like crocodile hunter!

"I'LL DO IT!" Marcus dashed out of the room to the nearest phone. Raymond was now bleeding in various places, blood spewing all over Marcus's floor.

Yashamaru took out a twinkie, apologized to the gods, and threw it in Ray's direction. Gaara hissed and quickly receded a long distance from it.

Meanwhile Marcus called the zoo. "Hello, Konoha Central Park Zoo, we have a problem with a crocodile."

"Sure! Bring the croc over and, uh, we'll schedule the training session!"

Marcus hung up and took out a tranquilizing shot, where he ran back into his office and rammed the needle into one of the jinchuriki's veins, later causing Gaara to limp to the ground.

Marcus huffed and puffed in exhaustion. "WE DID IT!"

Yashamaru and Chiyo began dancing and singing. "We did it! We did it! We did it! Hurray! Los hicimos! We did it!"

Raymond watched in embarrassment as Yashamaru and Chiyo were dancing to the Dora the Explorer song. He leaned toward Marcus. "Uh...that's their eager dance."

-----------------------------------

"PSSSSST, HINATA AND SHINO."

Hinata and Shino sighed, for this was getting old. They were at publix at the produce section where Kiba was hiding behind some crates...Kurenai ditched them a while earlier.

"Come here. I always wanted to do this."

Hinata, having no other choice, followed Kiba to a crateful of apples. The bug lover followed as well, whispering to some of his bugs that there was nothing to be afraid of, and no matter what happens, their daddy loves them very much-

(cough) Erhm...

Kiba looked to see if anybody was watching, then took out an apple and a blindfold. "Okay. You know how in those shows when the people are practicing archery and there's somebody that stands with an apple on their head and the archer always hits it perfectly?"

"Well, I want to try it. Hinata, you be the person witht he apple on her head."

"N-NO KIBA!" Hinata covered her head and face, for fear that it will soon have an arrow shot in it.

"Yeah Kiba don't."

"COME ON." Kiba whined and moved his arms up and down, sort of like a whining chibi version of him. "Think of how Naruto will like you for being brave."

Hinata, who was always affected by this type of propaganda, slowly nodded in fear.

"Great. Let me practice first." Kiba chose an apple and set it atop of a crate. He set up his archery set and pulled the bow back and-

/whoosh/

The arrow hit the apple perfectly.

Shino and Hinata applauded, while Kiba took a few bows. "Thank you, thank you."

"Now I will try to hit another apple in the exact same spot." He said, and set up another apple on top of the same box.

Hinata watched Kiba set up his archery set once more. Kiba can do anything, she thought. He is brave and fearless and does anything to get his way...Kiba is the kind of person who I feel safe with-

/whoosh/

The arrow hit the box about a foot below of where it originally hit. Hinata froze in horror, thankful that it was not her, yet fearful that it WILL be her in a few minutes.

"Come on, Hinata." Kiba grabbed Hinata's hand and stood her in the middle of the apple aisle. He handed her a blindfold and an apple. "Set the apple on your head."

The Hyuga girl, trembling, set the red apple atop of her head while shaking violently.

Kiba took out a gun. "Now. Put your blindfold on."

"KIBA INUZUKA!" Hinata and Shino screamed. Hinata finished what she had to say. "YOU'RE GOING TO KILL ME! I DON'T WANNA DIE!"

"Shhhh. Hinata. You don't see people walking down New York with arrows. Now stay calm and put the blindfold on. If it makes you feel better, I never used a gun before."

Hinata sobbed and put the blindfold, covering her light-purple eyes. Shino stood close to Hinata, getting ready to take the bullet for her if Kiba did not shoot right.

(awwww)

/shot/

"AAAAAAH!" Hinata and Shino screamed. Hinata, realizing she was still alive, slowly yet cautiously removed her blindfold and saw Kiba cheering.

"YAY! THAT WAS AWESOME!"

"I COULD HAVE BEEN KILLED!" Hinata half-yelled, half-cried out.

"Ah, but you weren't." Kiba nooded towards the apple on the floor, which had exploded and was now oozing out applesauce.

"I swear. One day, Kiba, you will go to jail for stealing, hotwiring, attempt of murder, breaking into school-" Shino counted off the crimes that Kiba has recently commited when Kurenai walked with a cart ful of food towards them, she was on their cell phone.

"hold on Kakashi-Hinata, Shino, Kiba? Did you get the apples?" Kurenai asked.

"Don't EVER say the word 'apple' AGAIN." Hinata spat at Kurenai.

"Apples and apple pie with apple soda and applesauce, mixed with a slight dash of cinnamon and sugar, eat it with an apple strudle and it makes an applerific applelicious part of an appley balanced breakfast. " Kiba said in monotone, then cracked up with Shino and Kurenai.

Hinata had that look in her eye. "NOT funny."

They left the fruit aisle and progresses to the freezer aisle. Kurenai then returned to her phone call. "Alright, Kakashi. THIS DECISION can affect your like tragically. Now. Haagen-Dahz or Ben&Jerry's?"

--------------------------------------

"May I call your attention please?"

"What?" Gina, Zabuza, and Kashike stopped talking and turned to two people at the front of the room. They were anonymously called upon by an anonymous called to enter the anonymous room of...ANONYMOUSNESS. It turned out to be a living room of an apartment belonging to a certain Neji fangirl...

"The meeting of NEJI will commence at this minute." Ayame said. She brought out a dry-erase marker board where the word NEJI was written.

"NEJI?"

"Neji-ten Extermination Justice Incorperated." She said, pointing to each letter as she said the word it stands for.

"Ohhhh." Gina, Zabuza, and Kashike explained.

"Now. For the rest of the meeting, you will refer to me as Ayame-sensei, and Teuchi as That-Guy-Over-There. Okay?"

"Yes Ayame-sensei." the three said boredly as if adressing a teacher.

"Now." Ayame rolled a film-screen and her laptop into the living room, where she pulled down the screen and opened up Microsoft Powerpoint. "If I can have your attention for the time being."

She started the powerpoint. The words NEJI-Nejiten Extermination Justice Incorporated appeared as the title for the first slide, and a picture of Neji was the picture. Ayame clicked her laptop mouse, and the second slide commenced.

YOU-KNOW-WHO AND HER EVIL WAYS

1. (A picture of Tenten giving a daisy to Neji)

"Now." Ayame began to present. "Over here, is a picture of She-who-shall-not-be-named giving a DAISY to MY dear sweet Neji-kun. This proves that...

Tenten is a succubus."

/silence/

Zabuza broke the silence. "...what?"

"A succubus. A vile creature that sucks the life out of all men. One date from her and the man will fall irresistable to her charm, then she will kiss him and suck his blood out. Not unlike..." Ayame clicked her mouse again, this time, a picture of a vampire showing up. "vampires!"

"Dude. Succubi are like vampires. Which means that they can't have their picture taken." Gina reminded her friend.

Ayame raised an eyebrow. "Point being...?"

"SHE'S NOT A SUCCUBUS!"

"JUST BECAUSE DUCKBUTT IS BEING HYPNOTIZED BY A SUCCUBUS DOESN'T MEAN YOU HAVE TO TAKE IT OUT ON MY DEAR-SWEET NEJI-KUN." Ayame informed her friend.

"Hmph." Gina pouted and sat back in her chair. "ONE DAY. SASUKE" she stressed out the syllables of Sasuke's name. "will be welcomed into MY life...and ESCAPE the clutches of the succubus in his team."

Zabuza and Kashike looked at each other and shrugged.

"Now. Moving on." Ayame nodded towards the picture. "I heard somewhere that in Czech Slovakia, the daisy in considered the flower of DEATH."

"dotdotdot." Teuchi, Zabuza, Kashike, and Gina said it at the same time, then all laughed. Their laughter was cut short when they noticed Ayame's death look on her face.

"Erm...what were you saying, oh-wise-Ayame-sensei?" Gina spoke for the group.

"NEJI WILL NOT DIE. He is immortal." Ayame said is as if it were a fact, then continued with the next slide of her powerpoint.

WHY WE MUST DO ALL TO SAVE THE LIFE OF A LOVED ONE (Neji)

1. Because Neji is hot

2. Because nobody deserves to die in the hands of a succubus, except if it's Sasuke

"Grrr." Gina glared at Ayame, who turned around and started coughing our laughter. She turned back around with a straight face and clicked the mouse again.

3. Because without him it's hard to survive

"You just met him a week ago, Ayame, and DIDN'T TALK TO HIM SINCE." Gina yelled out from the audience.

"Gina-channn." Ayame started. "Yeah but if he DOES die, then it technically WOULD be hard to survive because I never got a date with him."

"MOVING ON. Neji and Tenten are going to be at an Olive Garden restaurant, which is why we must go to...the secret plan!"

"Let us in on it." Zabuza asked.

Ayame smiled and whispered out her plan.

/a few seconds later/

"Awesome." Zabubza said, agreement from Kashike and Teuchi.

"Gina?"

"Meh." Gina said.

"Great. So, let's get started, shall we?"

-------------------------------------------

Marcus slowed down his car and parked it at the parking space. He got out of the SUV and slammed the door behind him. He slipped on his shades and walked to the trunk, where he met up with Chiyo, Raymond, and Yashamaru.

"Alright Yashamaru. Get the jinchuriki out of the trunk."

Yashamaru froze, a look of horror on his face. "Uh...yeah...was I supposed to get him?"

"YES YOU WERE!" Marcus yelled arrogantly and then sighed, motioning everyone back into the car.

/later/

Marcus slowed down his car and parked it at the parking space. He got out of the SUV and slammed the door behind him. He slipped on his shades and walked to the trunk, where he met up with Chiyo, Raymond, and Yashamaru.

"Alright Yashamaru. Get the jinchuriki out of the trunk."

Yashamaru froze again. "Um..."

Marcus closed his eyes. "Lord. Why did I hire these people?" He sighed a deep sigh, then motioned everyone back into the car once more.

/later/

Marcus slowed down his car and parked it at the parking space. He got out of the SUV and slammed the door behind him. He slipped on his shades and walked to the trunk, where he met up with Chiyo, Raymond, and Yashamaru.

Marcus opened the trunk and dragged the unconsious Gaara out of the trunk himself. (o.o)

The four then progressed to the Konoha Zoo Crocodile center, where they went inside a little hunt which was supposedly the crocodile tamer's office.

Ray looked around for the lady who was supposedly the one Marcus had called. "I don't see anyo-"

"Well, it's about time you guys showed up."

"K-KARURA." Raymond's goosebumps covered his skin as he slowly turned in fear. Leaning against the doorhenge was a long-brown-haired woman with a pink ribbon in her hair and weraing a safari outfit. (like crocodile hunter) a whip hanging off her belt. Her smile turned into a frown.

"Where's the crocodile."

"Mmmmn." Waking up from his sleep, Gaara's eyes slowly opened and saw Marcus's face. His eyes turned into a look that meant death.

"HERE!" Marcus hurriedly thrust the jinchuriki into Karura's arms. A confused look spread upon her face as she accepted the offer.

"Uhh." Karura help Gaara stand, then took a while to scan him when a look of faux forgotness rose upon her face. "Who is he?"

"You know him!" Marcus has the ability to sniff out lies.

"Damn yes." Karura said to her brother, husband, the AL and the old lady. "They called because you went psycho." she patted Gaara on the head. "Too bad they don't know how psycho you can be!"

Karura and Gaara laughed evilly, scaring the Akatsuki. After a five minute evil laughter, Karura's eyes turned to Ray. "Hey!"

"Oh damn." Raymond almost peed himself, but caught himself just in time. He crossed his arms and put a look on his face in some sort of a bad-boy pose. "Hey there-"

"NOT YOU." Karura shoved Raymond out of the way and approached Yashamaru.

Yashamaru waved hi. "HI KARU-"

Karura's sweet smile turned into a demonic aura of hate. "Yasha-maru!"

"HELP ME RAY!" Yashamaru hid behind Ray as the shadow of the crocodile hunter loomed across the two frightened males.

What happens next is to nasty to explain...kind of.

Marcus and Chiyo ran out of the hut, followed by Yashamaru and Raymond covered in whip wounds and black eyes and broken bones. They ran out to the SUV and hopped in, driving away from that crazy woman.

"The way SHE acted, it was as if SHE were the one-tail." Ray let out a breath and flinched from the pain of his wounds.

"She stepped on all of my twinkies." Yashamaru whined. "Ray...I just want you to know...I didn't cry. I...didn't...CRYYYYY." Yashamaru sobbed onto Ray's shirtfront, this time Ray paid no mind.

"It's like the one-tail left a horcrux in her." Marcus muttered. "Speaking of which, Yashamaru. You DID remember to take the one-tail out BEFORE we took Gaara to her, right?"

"..."

"...oh **HELL **no."

------------------------------------------

Lee's bushy eyebrows twiched as he walked into Olive Garden with Naruto, both dressed in tuxedos. Sasuke was well behind, smirking and checking to see that Lee doesn't ditch him.

Behind HIM was Neji and Tenten, dressed up and ready for their date.

"Welcome to Olive Garden, let me lead you to your seats and start you off with lettuce, breadsticks and water." The waiters escorted each of them to their table, which, ironically, was right next to the other's.

Lee and Naruto sat at a table, Lee feeling very awkward. It WAS, after all, his frist date (wait 'till Sasuke tells his class)

"I LIKE RAMEN!"

"I like curry and spicy curry sauce." Lee said, finally glad to have a subject they can talk about.

"So...HOW SPICY CAN YOU HANDLE IT?" Naruto yelled loudly at Lee as if he was deaf...he tends to do that a lot.

"Spicier than you." Lee held his arm out as if doing a 'bring it on' pose.

"Who wants to bet?" Naruto adjusted his headband and smirked.

"Only if you accept."

/meanwhile, at Neji's table/

"Destiny brought those two losers together." Neji made a snide comment and bit into a breadstick.

"Neji. I can understand Naruto, but don't talk about poor Lee like that." Tenten drank a sip of water. "So...uh...what's your favorite band?"

"Panic at the Disco." Neji answered, feeling bored.

"I like Avril Lavigne..." Tenten said. "Oh Neji. Did you notice my dress?" Tenten got up and twirled around to let Neji see her light-pink dress.

"Oh. Well, good thing it isn't shorter than it already is." Neji said, blushing a little but his frown still etched on his face. (Neji is NOT hitting on her...he doesn't hit on anybody)

/meanwhile/

"And m'am, how many are in your party?"

"Four." Ayame, who was the 'mother' wearing a red gown complete with purse and lipstick, was standing next to Zabuza, who was playing the 'father' wearing a suit and a fake brown mustache. Gina and Kashike were the 'daughters'.

"Very well."

They were led to a table, where the four sat down and opened their menus. In the background, there were cheerings of 'GO! GO! GO!'. Naruto and Lee were seated at their table drinking loads of spicy curry sauce, some other members of the nine rookies and a waiter & waitresses surrounding them, watching. They cheeres as Lee was first to set down his glass.

"YES!!" Lee gave his sensei a smile of TRUTH, complete with spaklies of YOUTH. Gai gave him a smile back and winked. "THAT'S MY STUDENT!"

"I can resist ANYTHING that's hot!"

"Except Naruto himself." Sasuke's voice was heard by Lee as the other people did that 'oohhhhhh' thing.

"Sasuke!" Naruto hugged him and Sasuke shoved him aside, then brought a chair over to Lee and Naruto's table.

/at Ayame's table/

"OH GOD." Ayame shut her eyes while Tenten was twirling around in front of Neji. She gave Gina a nudge.

"OW."

Kashike was licking the salt off of her breadstick (that souned SO wrong. o///o) while Zabuza was eating a bit of salad.

"Look! She's doing the Infatuation Dance!"

"What?" Zabuza tried to get a better look. Gina and Kashike regarded Ayame as if she was nuts.

"See! The succubus dances around the man like in those african tribe thingies, and the man becomes hypnotized and is forced to love her against her will!"

"Impossible." Zabuza, Gina, and Kashike said at the same time, doing a triple jinx.

With force, Ayame turned all of their heads towards Neji, who was now blushing. "Oh really?"

"...oh my god."

"Yes. AND AS MEMBERS OF NEJI, we must do what we can to stop her." Ayame yelled, pointing to nowhere in particular.

"No, her dress IS short." Kashike said.

"Yeah, even the most troubled man will blush." Gina concluded the fact from Tenten.

"You GUYS are supposed to be HELPING." Ayame growled at her fellow NEJI members. She grabbed some peanuts and threw them at Tenten, who stopped dancing and looked around ferociously yelling 'who threw that?'

"Zabuza. Now." Ayame hissed in Zabuza's ear.

Zabuza stood up and walked toward Tenten and Neji, who was no longer blushing. "Hello there, I'm Zabuza."

"Hi there." Tenten said to Zabuza, turning her back on Neji.

Ayame, Gina, and Kashike bagged Neji and dragged him away from the restaurant.

"Uh...bye." Zabuza ran away and left Tenten confused.

"Woah...that was wierd, right Ne-" she turned around and notices Neji was gone. "NEJI?"

/back at Naruto's table/

"HEY SASK-GAY!" Naruto shouted while eating some pasta, ramen's close cousin.

"DON'T TALK WITH YOUR DAMN MOUTH FULL." Sasuke hissed at Naruto to mind his table manners. Naruto showed Sasuke his impression of 'seafood', which is chewed up pasta and meataballs on his tough. "Nyah!"

"NARUTO!"

Lee was just watching the two argue.

"KNOCK KNOCK!" Naruto shouted loudly, so the whole restaurant can hear him.

Sasuke twitched in anger. "Who's...there..."

Naruto snorted. "I AM!!!!" He laughed and slammed his fist on the table repeatedly as everyone else stared as if something was wrong with him.

Sasuke took a deep breath. "Hey. NARUTO. Knock knock."

"WHO'S THERE?"

Sasuke sarcastically snorted. "I am!"

Naruto, remembering his lonly past and since Sasuke was like his only friend, implied on being included. "Sask-gay! I WANNA BE THERE TOO!"

Lee was howling with laughter and pointing at Naruto.

"Naruto...you can't be there because you're the one ANSWERING THE DOOR!"

"Mr. Orochimaru can answer the door." Naruto smiled evilly and gave Sasuke a bag of fun-size Skittles (TASTE THE RAINBOW). Sasuke slammed his hand on the table and grabbed Naruto's collar. "Shut. Up."

Meanwhile Ayame and co. had brought Neji into her apartment where he was bagged up and tied against his will.

Ayame sighed. "It was for your own good, Neji-kun."

"Well, why did you have to be following us EVERYWHERE?" Neji glared daggers at the group as they removed their disguises. "If it's about the cheesecake, it was Lee who stuck it in there, not me!"

"What? EEEEW!" Kashike and Zabuza exclaimed. Gina let out a sigh of relief that she didn't eat a slice.

"No wonder rhere was a hair in mine-"

"KASHIKE. SHUT UP!" Ayame cut her off.

"Don't tell me to shut up! Dad! Make her tell me not to shut up!"

Zabuza tapped Ayame's shoulder. "Ayame, Kashike said-"

"Can we do the same thing with Sasuke, Ayame-sensei?" Gina tugged on Ayame's sleeve."Like, bag him and steal him away from Sakura?

"Guys. Please. Gina, if you want, you can get Sasuke to join our club." Ayame flashed a picture she drew of Sasuke being bagged and tied while Gina was cackling with a whip.

Neji stared at the picture. "I should be in your club one day."

"Ahh!" Ayame's eyes flashed. "But there is a **_CERTAIN_** dress code for you."

"Really? What is it?"

Ayame began counting her fingers. "Wet, shirtless-"

"Can we please get on with this?" Kashike shouted, snapping Ayame back to the real reason they were there.

--------------------------------------------------------------

"Baki-sensei?" Temari knocked on Baki's bedroom door expectant for an answer. She found a note instead.

Dear Temari

Went off to Kakashi's for a wild ride.

Love Baki (heart)

"KANKURO." Temari knocked on Kankuro's bedroom door.

"HOLD ON TEMARI! JUST A SECOND!" Kankuro sounded as if he were being rushed from the other side. Temari, having faced this before, barged in to catch Kankuro in the act.

"TEMARI! IT'S NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE!"

Kankuro was on the floor now, a jump rope in hand. "You made me triiiiip."

"Kankuro. We gotta find Gaara NOW." Temari dragged Kankuro on his feet and led him out of his room.

Kankuro slapped Temari's hand away. "I'm going to Kiba's to watch Olive the Other Reindeer."

"WATCH IT ANOTHER TIME!"

"NO! It's so cute how near the end, the puppy flies using envelopes! We were supposed to try that with Akamaru today!"

"Akamaru will die." Temari stated simply. She pulled Kankuro out of the room and outside.

"Why me? Why can't Baki-sensei help you look?"

"This." Temari thrust the letter at Kankuro, who scanned it. a look of relief spread upon his face. "OH THANK GOD!!!"

Temari, with a shocked face, stared at Kankuro who sighed in relief. "What?"

"They're only going on a trip!" Kankuro smiled. "I thought for sure they were doing something else!"

/smack/

"HE'S NOT DOING THAT, KANKURO! HE MEANS SOMETHING ELSE!" Temari yelled at Kankuro as she smacked him once more.

Kankuro suddenly stopped. "WAIT! TEMARI!"

Temari skidded to a halt. "What?"

"Wellllll." Kankuro put his arm around Temari, and lai his head against her shoulder. "I was thinking, that the two of us shoooouuuuullllddd-"

"KANKURO." Temari growled in a way that's only made for enemies.

"I was just about to say that we go and see dad to see if we can find him!" Kankuro said, nodding his head as if getting a good idea.

Once they reached outside, Temari and Kankuro hopped on Temari's fan and flew in search for Gaara.

--------------------------

End of Ch. 7. Heh. Sorry to end it there. And ESPECIALLY SORRY IF YOU WERE LOOKING FOR THE BOY BAND.

Next chapter features Gaara again...and a few more stuff which I have yet to think of. o.o


	8. Chapter 8, Gaara the Explara

Konoha New York

Chapter 8: Gaara the Explara

New shit by Madara o.o;

Ayame, Kage, Mina, BT, SC, and whoever else read this.

Sorry this took so long. I had some stuff to do and all that and also my sister hogs the computer a lot. x.x

This chapter sucks ass. x.x;

I rushed on it a bit and it didn't come out that good. Not as good as 7, 3, and 4 (my favorite chapters). Maybe even worse than the beginning. I know the plane scene sucks. I'm SORRY. X.x It was hard. A bit of writers block, meh. x.o

Srsly.

So I hope you all like it nevertheless. I'll see if 9 will come out better.

AND NOW WHAT YOU HAVE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR. o.o particularly the poeple in my school who read it, and my other friends

KNY CH. 8.

GAARA THE EXPLARA

Kimi: WHICH I WILL NOT BE IN. -.- yet again

--------------------------------------------

It was yet ANOTHER peaceful morning in the city of...Konoha New york! Meanwhile in Konoha Zoo, our sweet-Gaara-sama-kun was standing in front of a crocodile display, complete with a gourd on his back and a soda with one of those plastic giraffe heads for the top of the cup...yeah. It was for Shukaku... In the background, there was a brown-haired woman being attacked by crocodiles, cursing and swearing to the heavens.

"Good evening...my name is Gaara. And this is my pet retarded-fish-frog-raccoon thingy: Kicks."

**"DAMN RIGHT!" Shukaku was wearing a pain of white Nikes with a green check thingy. "WE ACTUALLY MADE IT TO THE EIGHT CHAPTER!"**

(note from the author: I forgot what they are called. x.x)

"Can you find Kicks?" The red-haired male asked nobody in particular.

**"Nobody else can see me BUT YOU, retard..."**

**At that point what seemed like a mouse arrow floated over to Shukaku and clicked on his eye, causing a stab of pain. "OW!"**

"There he is." Gaara then wandered over the alligator pit and stepped inside, avoiding the crocodile and stepping to the trainer. "Mom...do you need me to explore?"

"Talk to me again and you'll be in a world of pain." Karura was covered in bruises and alligator bites. "Get me a box of twinkies. Can you do it?"

"**HELL NO**

I mean...yes we can..." Gaara turned to the reader of this fic (aka you) "Gourdy has the map. Normally, I can just take the map out but I'm in an explaring mood today. Therefore you must do it for me. OR ELSE. To read the map, yell map."

At this point, you should be yelling out "MAP" to the computer screen. For the people who are not yelling map, yell map. You BETTER be yelling map. For Gaara's sake AND (insert-your-favorite-character-here) If you don't yell map, you may be causing the death of someone. Yes. The next person who's ringing your doorbell could be your favorite Naruto character on the verge of dying because either someone stabbed him...you didn't yell map. k? o.o

Gaara paused for a few moments, then yelled again. "LOUDER!!!!"

Yell map again. Maybe Gaara will shut up and get with the point...or not. Gaara emptied his gourd and dug through the sand in search of a map. When he couldn't find it, he asked his inner demon. "Kicks, did you take the map?"

**"Who me? Yes me! Couldn't be! Then who?**

**Yeah I did it. T.T"**

"Where is he?"

**Shukaku laughed evilly and pointed to a burnt piece of paper, which appeared to be dead.**

Gaara blinked in shock for a few minutes then regained his voice. "MAAAAP!"

"

-----------------------------------------------------------

Raymond was washing in the shower washing his oh-so-perfect kazekage hair. He grabbed a bottle of Suave shampoo and squeezed it onto the palm of his hand, then ran it through his hair.

"I'm going to become Akatsuki leader...one day...I will...

_"I am Marcus, honorable Akatsuki leader. I would like to give the title to an honorable man...a man like no other, one who knows what he's doing. May I present to you THE finest man I've ever met, Raymond!"_

_"Thank you, thank you." Raymond stepped onto the podium. _

_"My name is Raymond and I have been pondered to be in the Akatsuki for 20 years."_

_/applause/_

_"Now I'm here to let you know that I will no longer be JUST the Kazekage. I WILL be Akatsuki leader. Because the AKATSUKI doesn't rule me..._

_Ray threw his fist in the air. "I rule the AKATSUKI."_

_"My thought of being with two idiots day-by-day is now vanquished. I have captured every bijuu and dinished every jinchuriki in the world. Now I will conclude this speech by inviting you all to a restaurant for you to have a taste of my succulent, medium-rare-_

**TWINKIE!**"

Raymond jumped in the shower as someone was hushing another person in the bathroom, then a few giggles. The Kazekage turned off his shower and stuck his head out of the shower curtains only to see Chiyo sitting on the toilet while Yashamaru was on the floor playing with a box of twinkies. "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TWO DOING IN HERE?"

"HI RAY!"

"...guys, leave the room now..."

"Awwww." Chiyo got that sad little girl look on her face while Yashamaru shrugged and ate a twinkie. "Why?"

"I'm NAKED in the SHOWER."

Chiyo waved her hand at the former kazekage. "Don't worry I'm almost done!"

"Lord. These people are ethnically challenged." Raymond said to the sky. He then turned to Yashamaru and Chiyo. "Did you guys know that I AM Suna's kazekage?"

"whatever." The two just nodded and continued with their activities as Raymond sighed and crawled back into his happy place in the shower. "I hate those people. This is much worse than the time I took Kankuro and Temari to Princess Di's castle.

_"KANKURO! KANKURO! LET'S PLAY NASA!" 7-year-old Temari jumped up and down at her brother in excitement. "oh my god!"_

_"YAAAY! I'M BUZZ ADAMS!" _

_"I'm Nasa!" Temari claimed her character and sat on the laundry basket. "NASA to The Challenger! T minus 10 seconds! Engine Turbines ready?"_

_"Ready!" Kankuro put on a wastebasket on his head as if it were an astronaut helmet, then sat down in the bathtub. "30 seconds to Mars!"_

_"10...9...8..." Temari counted down as she concentrated chakra into her hands and lifted the bathtub up into the air, then carried it onto the rooftop. _

_Downstairs outside, Ray and Princess Di were schmoozing, Ray with his british accent. "Well, Princess...I AM Kazekage of Sunagakura, hahaha..." _

_"Oh how charming."_

_"Hi daddy!" Temari was tipping the bathtub over the roof while calling out to her father. _

_Ray's face turned shocked. "TEMARI! KANKURO! GET YOUR ASSES DOWN HERE **RIGHT NOW!!!"**_

_Kankuro climbed out of the bathtub just as it was about to tip over. "Abort! Abort!"_

_/shatter/_

_"NOOOO!!!!" Ray and the princess were crying as the bathrub broke into a million tiny pieces, Kankuro and Temari giving each other a high 5._

"Lord. Why am I surrounded by these people? " Ray spoke up to the heavens as he bathed himself regardless of his friends in the room.

-----------------------------------------------------------

At a certain-somebody's-living-room, the NEJI huddled around in their secret room of...NEJIness. Everyone was wearing an outfit identical to the Hyuga Cadet Branch prodigy's in some way

"NEJI will commence." Ayame banged a hammer on the desk and called everyone to order. Now..."

"As we all know, we have a new member who will join us in a couple of minutes. Our next mission, meanwhile, is to find a way to kidnap and make the following person a member of NEJI..." Ayame drew a name from a bowl filled with slips of paper. "Uchiha-"

"DAMN!" Zabuza threw his open can of Sprite onto the ground which caused it to spill as he crossed his arms and stuck out his lip in disappointment. Gina stood up from her chair and cheered as she imagined all the good times Sasuke will have as a member of NEJI. "YES!"

"-Itachi."

"DAMN!!!" Gina then stomped her foot and pouted, sitting back down as Zabuza got up and cheered for the new member literally joining the club. "YES!"

"Think of all of the fun we would get if we has the older brother, Gina-chan." Ayame smiled at her friend, who in return, gave a demonic growl..

"You SAID we were kidnapping SASUKE." Gina glared at Ayame. "HE'S the one being attacked by a succubus right now. Itachi is such a player, he even cheated on himself."

Kashike started in. "FIRSTLY, Itachi is a very HOT player...and you can't cheat on yourself."

"YES YOU CAN."

"HOW?"

"You can date yourself, then date another girl."

"You can't DATE YOURSELF." Kashike shouted to the confused Gina, then knocked her down and started beating her up.

Zabuza held up his new can of soda. "CATFIGHT. Meow."

"WILL EVERYONE JUST SHUT UP AND GET BACK TO THE MAIN ISSUE HERE?"

Everyone stopped what they were doing and looked at Ayame, who was standing at the front of the room of her apartment's living room. She pointed to her fellow chef. "THAT-GUY-OVER-THERE."

That-Guy-Over-There blinked. "Yes Ayame-sensei?"

"Get Neji out of the closet." The brown-haired fangirl smiled and watched as That-Guy-Over-There posed himself by the closet.

"Ladies and gentlemen, prepare to meet the newest member of NEJI..."

That-Guy-Over-There opened the closet door, which was Ayame's cue to say the name of the newest member.

"NEJI HYUGA! Neji! You're finally out! I want to tell you something: I love you. I love everything about you! And I also love Panic at the disco."

A body collapsed on the floor when the door was pulled open. It was Neji, blindfolded and tied up, spawled on the ground looking as if he were dying of starvation. "Need...food..."

"...oh...um...food..." That-Guy-Over-There chuckled nervously and itched the back of his head.

Ayame growled. "YOU IDIOT! NOW I GOTTA CONFESS MY LOVE AGAIN IN CHAPTER 9!...well, me and That-guy-over-there will take care of Neji. Meanwhile, you guys find a way to get Itachi."

"Yes!" The rest of the NEJI cheered with the new mission and all the fun they could have planning this scheme.

"And now people. It's THE moment of truth."

Kashike turned to her fellow NEJI members, excluding Neji, Ayame, and That-Guy-Over-There. The three people were wearing black Akatsuki uniforms/cloaks with little red clouds on them, hiding behind a bush in front of the Akatsuki Org. building. Kashike looked to make sure the coast is clear, then gave a signal. "Go."

Gina tied her hair back and climbed the oak tree. "Alright Gina, now just climb the tree and look for an open window." Kashike yelled as Gina made a face at her.

"Yeah! You know how Itachi looks like, right?" Zabuza called out to the girl on the tree. Gina kept on climbing and chose a destination, a window that looked as if it was a trillion billion miles away. "Yep...

ZABUZA, THE WINDOW'S TOO FAR AWAY!"

"It's right there." Zabuza pointed to the window about two feet away from Gina.

"Ohhhh!...

Wait dammit. It's locked." Gina shouted as Ayame wandered to the group of her friends-dressed-as-Akatsuki people.

"Hello peoples."

"Then find another one!" The brown-haired-man turned to Ayame waiting for her to say something. Ayame, getting the point, cupped her hands around her mouth so Gina can hear her.

"HEY GINA-CHAN!!! CAN YOU SEE MY HOUSE FROM THERE?"

"No Ayame! We have to get her INSIDE the building." Zabuza flicked Ayame's forehead, at which then the Neji fangirl punched Zabuza's hand away.

Kashike scratched her head. "Dude...aren't you supposed to be with Neji?"

"I'm sure that wherever dear sweet Neji-kun is, that he's being brave and not a coward."

/meanwhile/

Neji looked to see if the close was clear, then ran for his life.

/crash/

"Ow..." Neji slid off the window of the taxi he crashed into. The car door opened and out stepped Sasuke, wearing Lee's shoes . He looked down at the Hyuga prodigy sprawled on the ground.

"OH MY GOD!"

Neji held up a hand at Sasuke. "I'm fine...don't worry-"

"What the hell? No! you RUINED MY RIDE!" Sasuke threw his arms out in anger while examining the scratch Neji had put into the taxi. "It only cost me like a jillion dollars!"

"It's not even your car-"

Anger flashed through Sasuke's eyes "Hyuga, I'm going to kill you...

...in a verbal SERVE-OFF." The Uchiha concluded his sentence.

/back at NEJI/

"Hey Ayame." Gina called back down to her friend from the high tree-branch she was at. "How does your house look like?"

"Just get inside Kisame's room now." The brown-haired prep of NEJI instructed Gina. "He bunks with Itachi."

"Is it the one with half of the room "Extremely Emo" and the other half "Finding Nemo"?"

"Yeah."

Gina put on a ski mask. "I'm going in."

"GOOD LUCK GINA!" The other Neji members were outside in a group cheering for Gina, holding up posters.

Gina then slipped off the branch and into the window of Itachi and Kisame's bedroom. Half of the room, as Gina had previously said, was Extremely Emo. The walls were painted black and had Linkin Park posters on the walls, there were blades on the table, nail polish at the desk...yeah. The other half of the room consisted of blue walls, a fish tank, a Finding Nemo bedspread, and a lot of plushy fishes. Itachi was on his bed sleeping and Kisame was not in the room at the moment.

Gina tiptoed towards Itachi, but her foot got tangled on something. "Hey..."

"Gina, shhh." Ayame said to her friend from a walkie talkie.

"SHH NO. I STEPPED ON SOMEBODY'S G-STRING."

"Well you should have PUT YOUR SHOES ON BEFORE YOU CLIMBED UP. Now get him."

Gina took out her butterfly net of doom and put it over Itachi's head, then she dragged him outside, the still-sleeping Itachi too heavy of a sleeper to notice.

-------------------------------------------------

Hinata, Shino. I got a surprise for you." Kiba led the blindfolded Hyuga Girl and Bug Boy through the corridors of KNY Airport, then through a terminal passageway that-lets-you-get-on-the-plane (Forgot what they were called. x.x) where he sat them both down on a seat of Arizona Airlines. When he was done with that, he let the blindfolds go.

/wtf/

"An airplane trip?"

Kiba shhhed them and lowered his voice to silence his plan. "We're gonna hijack this plane and fly to Kentucky."

Hinata froze, fear covering her from head to toe. Shino only coughed. "Why?"

"Because I want real KFC, not Konohian KFC. Konohian KFC is contaminated with germs of not-kentuckyans therefore giving you AIDS."

"you could have taken the plane to kentucky..."

"IT'S NOT THE SAAAAME."

Shino grabbed his daredevil-streaked rootin-tootin' whatever partner Kiba. "You aren't going to do this, right?"

"Yes I am." Kiba said as the plane door closed, causing the actual plane to start taxiing. Hinata paled in fear and grabbed Shino, Kiba whistling the tune of Sweet Home Alabama.

/30 minutes later/

"Alright, we are above Kentucky right now, folks." The pilot said using an intercom. This was Kiba's signal to get up and start making his was towards the cockpit. "I'll be back."

"I DON'T WANNA DIE!" Hinata called after him, but Kiba kept on going. The plane started to shake and luggages fell out of the compartment area above the seat.

"Excuse me folks, this is the pilot. We'll be experiencing some turbulance because the co-pilot is TOUCHING MY WHEEL. TT"

"Folks this is the co-pilot. It's not the PILOT'S wheel. It's the AIRPLANE'S WHEEL-what. Who the hell are you?"

Kiba's voice then appeared in the intercom. "The name's Inuzuka. Kiba Inuzuka. Or Ludicrus Mace. But THAT is another story-"

The co-pilot spoke again. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE BOY?"

Kiba's voice. "Say hello to my lil' friend!"

Everyone started murmuring about what they were talking about, then screamed as a shot was heard. "AHHH!"

The plane started making that sound when you crash, and people were running around screaming in a panic.

Hinata grabbed hold of Shino again as Kiba ran to the both of them and pulled them to the emergency exit, then jumped out of it with a parachute on his back. He pulled the string as Hinata and Shino clung onto them for dear life. "KFC HERE I COME."

A few minutes later, Team Kurenai minus Kurenai arrived at a KFC in Louisville or something, only to find out that it was closed.

"Oh. Too bad. Let's go home." Hinata sighed happily and hool Kiba's hand, pulling him to the airport.

Kiba shrugged in sadness, then spoke into Hinata's ear. "Don't worry Hinata. There's always Rice-A-Roni, the SAN FRANSISCO TREAT-"

"SHUT THE HELL UP, BITCH." hinata kicked Kiba (that's a first) and dragged him to the airport, Shino following them pretending to be a bug.

-------------------------------------------------------

"Ohhhh, you wanna start something? Then bring it." Sasuke motioned Neji toward him, then stood still to defy his pride.

"Ballerina man."

Neji took out a slice of bread/pound cake and started throwing pieces at Sasuke. "Fruity-tooty ducks ass hair boy scout."

"Fist, MY HAIR IS NATURALLY IN BALANCE. And how else would I know which way points to civilization without leaving a trail?"

The Hyuga spat on the floor at Sasuke's feet. "At least I don't go to OROCHIMARU with all my problems."

"well...if Peter Piper picked a pack of pickled peppers, how many pickled peppers did Peter Piper pick?"

Neji smirked, cross his arms, and stared Sasuke right in the eye."Eight."

(Uh...Madara here. . Thing is I forgot what the answer to that riddle is, so just play along, k?)

Damn, this Hyuga guy is good, Sasuke thought to himself.

Sasuke, getting the smile of satisfaction, put on a serious face. "Well...Neji. Did you know the Soul Society just called. They want you to sell your body to science."

"Seriously...?"

"Yeah." The Uchiha smiled eagerly at Neji, then dialed the Soul Society. He gave the phone to Neji. "Here..."

"Neji Hyuga. This is the Death Reaper calling for you. I NEEEEED you BOOODY."

A look of fear appeared on Neji's face, then suspicion."...Naruto? Is that you?"

"HI NEJI!" Naruto waved hi to Neji from the rooftop. "THROW ME SOME CAKE!"

Rather than some cake, Neji threw a rock at Naruto, knocking him out as he fell off the roof and landed on Sasuke. "Rock pwns paper."

Naruto woke up and ran to Neji, getting off of Sasuke. "Neji Hyuga!" He grabbed the person whom he was speaking to and shook him by the shoulders. "OMG. YES IT IS! I'M NARUTO UZUMAKI AND YOU HAVE JUST BEEN PUNK'D!"

Sasuke was bursting in laughter as Neji finally got the point and smiled a bit. "..."

"ADMIT IT!!!!"

"...yeah...yeah, I've just been punk'd."

"THIS IS LIKE THE TIME WE HIJACKED THE CAR WITH THE SHURIKEN. THIS IS SO...AWESOME! NEJI HYUGA JUST BEEN PUNK'D! HYUGA PRODIGY. WELCOME TO PUNK'DVILLE, POPULATION YOU."

/knock out/

"loser." Neji blew at his poking finger as if it were a gun while Sasuke was still laughing.

-----------------------------------------------------------

**ATTENTION ALL AKATSUKI MEMBERS: IT IS HOTDOG DAY TODAY. HOTDOG DAY.**

Moans of disatisfaction filled the office room of the Akatsuki Corporation when all employees of the company (Deidara. Sasori. Tobi. Zetsu. Hidan. Kakuzu. Kisame. Itachi wasn't there atm) were working on faxes. Tobi scanned a document into the computer to edit something on it when the office door opened and in stepped Kankuro and Temari.

"Hey Tobi, we're looking for Ray."

Tobi lifted his head up from his work and spoke in a southern accent. "Yo he dead."

Kankuro leaned toward Tobi for better listening reception. "...no I'm looking for RAY-MOND."

"I said he dead."

Kankuro spoke slowly for Tobi to understand. "No, I'm looking for Kazekage Raymond."

"What da matter wit you? I SAY YOU HE DEAD."

"...THE KAZEKAGE!"

Temari whacked Kankuro on the head. "Moron, it obviously means he's not here. Let's go." With that, Temari dragged Kankuro out of the building away from Tobi, who only shrugged and went back to work.

/poof/

"I'm sorry I'm late." Raymond spoke to Tobi. "Tell Marcus I'm here."

Tobi got up and ran to the door yelling ZOMBIE, then knocked himself out. Marcus answered and gestured Ray, Yashamaru, and Chiyo in. They entered the room, stepping over Tobi as they went in.

"Ray, I got your resume. I must say I'm thoroughly unimpressed."

Ray's eyes went wide with shock. "What? I said EVERYTHING you asked me to! My name, adress-" Raymond began leafing through the sheets on Marcus's table.

Marcus got a confused look. "The resume I got had a picture of a rock, a twinkie, and me dressed as a cowboy."

"...Yashamaru?"

Yashamaru smiled sweetly. "Yes Ray?"

"I'LL KILL YOU."

"Ok Ray."

Marcus pointed to the drawing. "Poor craftsmanship, AND YOU DIDN'T EVEN COLOR INSIDE THE LINES."

Yashamaru folded his hands and looked pleased with himself. "I color outside the lines because... It's the way I express myself."

"That's my husband!" Chiyo patted Yashamaru on the head, disgusted looks from Ray and Marcus.

"And the thing is...you're just not cutting it off. I mean...not only does it take Madara FOREVER to update a chapter, but I always get the same crap and cliches from all my interviews. An intellegent man,

the loudmouth girl with the attitude

...and he...he's just the whore."

"WHERE'S MY ELEPHANT INDEED!" Yashamaru yelled out randomly while Chiyo cracked her knuckled at Marcus.

The AL took an aspirin and massaged his scalp for a moment, then went to Ray and nodded toward the blonde. "I mean...we literally hear the word 'twinkie' everytime he opens his mouth."

The fourth kazekage blinked. "I don't understand what you're saying."

-

_"-jealous because you can't have my twinkies!"_

_-_

_"Twinkies!"_

_-_

_"My twinkies!"_

_-_

_"Twinkies?"_

_-_

_"Hm...twinkies."_

-

_"Twinkies..."_

_-_

_"OH MY GOD1 MY TWINKIES!"_

_-_

_"Twin-kies!"_

_-_

_  
"Just eating a Twinkie!"_

_-_

_"MY TWINKIE!"_

_-_

_"-when I'm drawing pictures of twinkies!"_

_-_

_"Mr. Twinkiekins_?"

-

_"TWINKIES!"_

-

_"-stepped on all of my twinkies." _

_-_

_"My twinkies?"_

_-_

_"Twinkie?"_

_-_

_"What about my twinkies?"_

_-_

_"-go good with some twinkies!"_

_-_

_"TWINKIE!"_

_-_

_"-twinkies?"_

_-_

_"My twinkies?...TWINKIES!"_

_-_

_"Do you want a twinkie?"_

_-_

_"Twinkie..."_

_-_

_"TWINKIES! I want a twinkie!"_

_-_

_"WHAT HAPPENED TO MY TWINKIES?"_

_-_

_"NO! ANYTHING BUT THE TWINKIES!"_

_-_

_"Well the thing is that Twinkies taste good..."_

Raymond took a long look at Marcus, then got up to leave. "...shut up..."

-----------------------------------------------------------

Well, the Serve-off was a success. Sasuke was proclaimed winner due to Punk'd Default. However, NEJI went all Team Rocket on them both and captured them, then took them to a place where only the strongest of men return from.

"Hi my name is Kashike and I'm sponosoring this video tape: Sasuke, God of Lightning vs. Neji, God of Destiny."

Gina was whining at Ayame and Kashike. "But Sasuke doesn't need no library book, retard."

"...what?"

"Whatever. Neji's gonna win anyway." Ayame high-fived her camera-man.

Gina did that evil-mokey-in-your-closet thing. "LIKE HELL."

"Win what?" Zabuza asked cluelessly.

Kashike gave a grin that said this is gonna be good and led all of them into a building.

/30 minutes later/

Kashike sat on the fence ledge and watched the two fighters get ready.

"This is the Wild Wild West Paintball fight."

"This sucks." Zabuza said aloud to himself as Teuchi rolled the camera into the pit where Sasuke and Neji were both half-dressed as cowboys. Better yet...they had the cowboy vest, hat, and boots on, but were shirtless and wearing only a swim garment.

Kashike cupper her hands over her mouth and yelled out to Ayame and Gina. "SPEEDO G-STRINGS."

"So hot...I mean dotdotdot. That rhymes." The two fangirls said at the same time, then went to the audience.

"Real Ninjas

don't RHYME their EXCLAMATIONS." Zabuza spat out in disgust, Itachi next to him, blindfolded and gagged like Neji was, watching Sasuke and Neji give dirty glares to each other.

"Whatever." Ayame said, then took out her camera phone to take pictures. Gina did the same but stopped when she and ayame were asked by the sponsor of the fight to get some twinkies to make the fight more...creamy (ew)

"The rules: Use your gun to shoot the other guy down. The winner wins. The loser must be eaten alive

...in a game of STBS by the senseis."

"I'M WINNING." Both Sasuke and Neji immediately shouted at each other.

Kashike then brought the whistle to her mouth. "The let the Wild West Paint Ball fight hold off until Ayame and Gina get back with the twinkies!

GONG YI TEMPAI!"

(Madara here. Dx I forgot how it goes. The chapter's about to end anyway so yeah. o.o)

-----------------------

At Winn Dixie, out blonde hero was sitting down at a bench waiting for his friends to arrive. Gina and Ayame were heading toward the twinkie aisle in order to obtain a box of the spongy cream-filled snacks known as...TWINKIES!

A certain blonde ninja (Yashamaru. x.x) was sitting at the bench beside the Twinkie aisle, waiting for his friends and everyone else to come so he can steal their twinkies and run off with them. He stretched and yawned. "Hnnnnn...twinkies.."

"Hey! If I were you, I'd stop that yawning." The brown-haired ninja known as Ayame had dies her hair purple with pink highlights. She was carrying a paintball gun while wearing a black paintball outfit. Gina was next to her texting somebody wearing the same thing. "Nyeh."

Ayame waved her finger at Yashamaru while giving him a glare." You don't want to wake THEM up...don't you?"

/long silence/

Yashamaru blinked his purple eyes at Ayame. "Um...who's them-"

"LONG LONG AGO! BEFORE THE TIME OF YOUR FLIPPING TWINKIES OR PURPLE-HAIRED PINK-HIGHLIGHTED NINJAS WERE EXISTING...

there was...an Hyuga prodigy of the Cadet Branch! That went by the name of N-"

"Uh..." Yashamaru interrupted Ayame. "Don't you...have something to do with that paintball gun?"

Gina had her iPod on and was listening to Crazy Frog. She shot a box of Twinkies with her paintball gun, causing it to explode in cream and spongyness while Ayame's face turned into a death glare. "WHO TOLD YOU ABOUT THE PAINTBALL GUN?"

Yashamaru shrugged and smirked. "Oh, nobody! I'm just a sexy blonde who just happens to be one of the most underrated characters in the show while I'm also the most hated character, out of all the Gaara fans!"

Ayame spoke again in the cold voice. "WHO TOLD YOU ABOUT THE PAINTB-"

"yo people." Gaara was staring at the ground not looking at the people whom he was passing. He then grabbed a box of twinkies from the shelf. "If you see a 9-tailed-fox going by the name of Stealer, text the word 'wtf' to six six four six six."

/hiss/

Ayame and Gina snapped up to attention, the Uchiha fangirl pausing her iPod. "What was that?"

Gaara went into his inner mode and into the inner supermarker. Inner Ayame and Inner Gina were in the Inner Winn Dixie where a GIANT nine-tailed fox was crouched behind a tiny shelf of twinkies. Inner Ayame turned to look at Yashamaru after getting a look of horrow, but only saw a nickel in his place.

"...your inner self is a nickel?"

"Yeah..." The nickle spoke to Inner Ayame. "...omg...look at that fox over there...maybe it likes Twi-"

**"HURRAY FOR CHAPTER EIGHT!" Kicks yelled as he appeared next to Gaara.**

Inner Gaara spoke. "Oh no! Kyuubi is going to steal the Twinkies! I need your help! Do you see Kyuubi?"

"I SEE HIM!" Gina smiled and pointed at Kyuubi.

**"Uh...no, I'm not Kyuubi. I'm your consience." Kyuubi nudged Gina a bit, who slapped her forehead and said oh yeah.**

"Nevermind!"

"He's right there retard." Ayame pointed at Kyuubi this time. "And don't say you're my consience. My consience is Neji-kun."

**"You're a smart girl...who is this Neji?"**

Ayame counted her fingers as she said all of Neji's occupations. "My boyfriend, husband, Anti-drug-"

**"ENOUGH!" Shukaku silenced the entire inner store with his boomign voice. "Let's stop this 9-tailed-FOX from stealing the twinkies! Say it with us!"**

All of the inner people at the Inner Winn Dixie and Kicks held out their hand in a stop motion to stop Kyuubi. "STEALER NO STEALING-"

/fire/

"ow..."

A red aura of chakra surrounded the fox as Naruto took away Gaara's twinkies physically. "Haha!"

"Hey! We were gonna buy those!" Gina waved her arms whining at Naruto.

Kyuubi gave a scary grin as death music played in the background. He took a deep breath and was about to blow fire at all of the inner people again.

The Outer Gina froze and then yelled everyone to attention. "...run. RUN."

----------------------------------------------

Ayame and Gina poofed back to the stadium twinkieless and in defeat. Kashike ran up to them and greeted them. "So? What happened?"

"Kyuubi went all super saiyan on us and we couldn't get the twinkies." Ayame said, kicking a rock.

"We need to do something to pass the time until the fight..." Gina thought really hard for a group activity. Her eyes wandered to Itachi, then she had a mister grinch smile.

Itachi's eyes met Gina's. "...what?"

/5 minutes later/

Itachi was in a dressing room dressed as a paper mache creme pumpkin. He had no idea why, however. Things didn't change when Kashike filled the costume up with candy. "Of you'll see Itachi. You'll see."

She then led Itachi outside where Ayame, Gina, Neji, Sasuke, and That-Guy-Over-There were practicing hitting a tree with a bat. Zabuza tied a cord onto Itachi's costume then let it go over the tree branch.

"...oh **HELL no."**

The brown-haired soccer-loving girl got the camera rolling. "This...is the Human pinata."

"Oh shit." The five people with the bat smacked the tree so hard, that some of the bark peeled off. Itachi whimpered a bit, then glared hard at Gina.

"Guys, let me go first." Gina said, cacking evilly as she swung her bat hard in the air. "He's mine...all mine..."

-----------------------------------------------------------

End Chapter 8. Told you it sucked. D:

Kimi: Because I wasn't in it?

You're DEAD, Kimi. Literally. x.x


	9. Chapter 9, Victory thy name is NEJI

Hey guys. sorry it took a while to update. Writers block...and I was kinda busy as well.

Note: This story is completely fiction. I'm NOT going to become a writer and literature, so my details/descriptions/etc.will not be that good. This is just what I do when I'm bored. I used some quotes/scenarios out of my favorite shows, so if you see familiar scenes from /insert show here/ then yeah. Don't blame me. XD Note that also that some of my characters are minor characters that only appear in 2 or 3 episodes, but they are some of my favorite minor characters, so if you're not used to their names then don't blame me. X

I mean...who the hell cares about Kashike anyway?

Fun fact: This might be the only story on who uses Kashike in it. Because she only appeared on Naruto for like...a few seconds, in two episodes.

Kashike: HEEEY! -.- I SHOULD be a major character...persuming I'm alive in the current Naruto episodes. For those of you who don't know, my name is Kashike, and I'm the little girl who-

That's enough they get the point. X.x Kimi say the disclaimer.

Kimi: Naruto is copyright of Kishimoto. Not of Madara. Also, although this story has Naruto characters in it, there are rarely any use of jutsus and there is like no fighting. Only the fact that they are living in Manhattan, except that Manhattan is remaned Konoha. The dead are also brought back to life. Characters are also OOC. If you have any problems with this, then stop reading the story.

Kimimaro is right. Also, this chapter has death to some of the major characters, so if you're a fan of the people who die in this chapter, then sorry.

Kimi: I read the chapter ahead of time. BEST. CHAPTER. EVER.

Kimi's just excited because...well...I'm not gonna spoil it.

--------------------------

"Uh...hi everybody and welcome to another episode of the Konoha New York "fanfiction" of random thoughts! Uh...we are here to present one of the VERY important chapters of the series!" The blonde ninja with the purple eyes and long hair explained to you, the viewer, sitting in front of the computer screen. He was 'reading' a document, and by reading I mean making up words as he goes along. Yashamaru, along with his wife, didn't know how to read well.

A man was leaning against the wall near Yashamaru with his arms crossed. He wore a navy blue suit and looked very impatient, with his eyes closed and the usual frown on his face. "And why is that?"

"Uh...I don't even know."

"HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW!" Chiyo shouted from another room.

"Well...because I'm supposed to reveal a shocking fact about me somewhere in this chapter!"

/cricket chirp/

"...also...uh..." Yashamaru forgot his line and took out group of index cards from his pocket. Raymond sighed as Yashamaru put one behind the other and read the card now facing him. "Uh...people die!"

/dun dun DUN DUNNN!!!!/

Chiyo answered her cell phone after hearing her creepy ringtone. "Hello Marcus. We have not captured the jinchuriki yet..."

"WE ARE NEVER GOING TO CAPTURE HIM OR ANY OF THEM! IT'S OBVIOUS THE AUTHOR DOESN'T WANT US TO JOIN THE **AKATSUKI**!!!!"

/long silence/

Chiyo finally broke the silence. "...wow...Raymond...I bet all your shouting left the viewers deaf..." her old blue(are they blue? o.o) eyes scanned the red-faced kazekage. "Or...in this case...blind...viewers, I'm sorry Raymond shouted. And Raymond will apologize. Right, Ray?"

"NEVER!!!! The viewers...the author...have more power...than I..." Raymond was exhausted from all the yelling he did. He panted while Chiyo still chatted with Marcus in the background. "...and why are we even filming this? It's not like we have a lot of viewers anyway."

"HI VIEWERS? DO YOU WANT A TWINKIE?"

"NO!" Raymond lunged at Yashamaru before he shoved a twinkie into the camera lens and succeeded, knocking him down in the process.

"Oww..."

**Note**

**Raymond did NOT just knock anybody down. Knocking people down purposely is considered assault and is illegal. **

**Raymond cannot be arrested due to the fact that he is important in this chapter**

**In order to create a distraction for you to forget that he knocked somebody down,**

**Here is Yashamaru busting a freestyle. Yo.**

"Yo! Check it! Uh...yo! Yo!...yo!"

**That is all.**

- - -

New Konoha, the Modern Naruto Story!

Chapter 9, Nameless Chapter

Chapter dedicated to all my friends. Kimi will now give a shout out to MissGuitarManiac, one of my reviewers.

Kimi: Sasuke pwns Neji! MGM rocks! Oh my god...you get it? MissGuitarManiac rocks...because...a guitar...rock music...WHY DON'T YOU PEOPLE EVER LAUGH AT MY JOKES?! anyway MGM, if you're reading this which you have to be, then you are awesome! Thanks for curing Madara of writers block. Maybe she will add ME in the next chapter?

Fat chance.

Kimi: Aww...btw, MGM...I stole your Dibs! MUHAHA!

--------------------------

/yesterday/

"Gaara, come with me to Target." The once-again covered-in-wounds-from-unskilled-crocodile-taming Karura entered the crocodile hut and asked her youngest and best-looking son...did I say asked? I meant ordered.

Gaara's eyes opened from his nap on his mother's hammock, then he stifled a yawn. If there was one thing he was scared of, it was the only person who could frighten the living daylights out of his fearless father Raymond...and what's-his-face.

**"Come on everybody let's go! Let's get in the car! And drive to a place! I KNOW THAT WE CAN DO IT! Where are we going: TARGET!" Shukaku sang the song wrong as he admired his Nikes. "Right, Gaara?"**

"Well WE DON'T EVEN HAVE A MAP ANYMORE!" Gaara once again appeared to be shouting to himself.

Karura raised her eyebrows and ran her bleeding fingers through Gaara's hair. "Do you have schizophrenia or whatever the hell it's called? Because you're talking to yourself again..."

**"We don't need a map! We can just ask the viewers!"**

"I'm Gaara the Explara, I don't need a map to know where I'm going..." Gaara snapped back at Shukaku...

"Gaara are you okay...you're talking to yourself again...and Explara is not even a real word..."

**"Or maybe you're just not a good Explarer." Shukaku was now wearing a can-can dress. "Now leave my living room you...you...you not-good-explarer!"**

**The doorbell rang and a blue mouse arrow barged into Shukaku's living room, knocking down his white-wooden front door. **

**"NO! NOOO! FINE! I TAKE IT BACK! YOU'RE THE BEST EXPLARER EVER! JUST GET THE MOUSE AWAY FROM ME!"**

"Thought so." Gaara was satisfied with Shukaku's begging for mercy as he then faces Karura. "Oh...what were you saying?"

"Let's go." Gaara and his mom walked across the street (looking both ways first) to the Mega Target's entrance. They stapped on the black rug and the doors magically opened for them, allowing them to step inside.

**"Hey Jackass, you know whenever you go to a store and the doors magically open for you?" Shukaku was dancing the can-can, but then he set the music on pause in order to state this fact to Gaara. "It's because they're AFRAID of my powerful self!"**

"Whatever..." Gaara mumbled, then followed Karura as she pushed the red cart to the kitchenware aisle.

"Alright..." Karura stopped in one of the aisles and pushed the car parallel to the aisle walls, then held up a tea kettle, a pretty blue one with an ocean design with a brown and green palm-tree handle. "This is so nice..."

Gaara froze, trembling as Karura held out the tea kettle in his face. He then regainced his voice and shouted so loud that everyone in the store can hear him. "Get it **AWAY!!!!**

**(Note from Madara: The following underlined text (does underline even show on Aw, whatever. If it's not underlined, then it's just the part with the gourd. Anyway, the underline means that's he's talking to you, sitting her reading this. Just play along.)**

I need your help!" Gaara shouted to you. "Will you ask Gourdy if he has something inside of him to get rid of this evil hell object? To open him, you have to shout "Gourdy!"

"LOUDER!"

You are pummeling down into another dimmension inside Gaara's gourd. one where you are floating in space, a space colored beige...or whatever color sand is. Sand brown. In the middle is a gourd with a pissed-off expression on his face, being forced to sing the song he made up. 

"Gourdy Gourdy...Gourdy Gourdy...grab me and load me up with things and nicknacks too...anything that you may need I got inside for you...Gourdy Gourdy...Gourdy Gourdy...yeah." The gourd showed no sign of being excited or happy to do this. He would have cursed Gaara out, but he only gets paid to sing the song.

"Gaara...I mean, WE...need YOUR help. Due to Gaara's irrational fear of tea kettles, we need something that will destroy it. WHY THE HELL AM I EVEN DOING THIS? I WANTED TO BECOME A VETERINARIAN...I mean...which of these things should Gaara take out in order to...destory that tea kettle?"

Sand

Sand

Sand

Some More Sand

Or Sand

"You're right! In order to defeat the Tea Kettle Monster, we need sand." The gourd spit out some sand and then kept the rest of it inside him. "Yumyumyum...delici- this tastes like SHIT!" Gourdy spit out the rest of the sand and then you were transferred back into your own dimmension.

Gaara used the sand that was outside with him to smash the tea kettle into little smithereens and then crush the others ones with a desert funeral. "MY FOREHEAD MAY SAY 'LOVE' BUT I CAN HATE EVEN MORE!"

"...what...the hell..." Karura stared at the mess dumbfoundedly.

"WE DID IT!" Gaara was the only one shouting and raising his fist into the air.

"...well Gaara if you're going to act like a little bitch, then you better wait outside."

"FIIINE." Gaara stormed out of the store outside to wait for Karura. When he reached outside, people were exclaiming and pointing up at the sky in a shocked manner, so Gaara raised his eyes to see what everyone was looking at.

"Oh...my god..."

"I NEED YOUR HELP AGAIN! TELL GOURDY TO-Wait...GOURDY WHERE ARE YOU?!"

"I'm on my break." The gourd was inside target's food court, eating nachos with chili cheese. "Mmm..."

/insert painful scream here/

(will be explained later in the chapter)

--------------------------

/the next day/

"KASHIKE! WHAT TIME IS IT?!!!"

Kashike glanced down at her watch, whose hands pointed to 2:00, then shouted across the field to the swordsman Zabuza. "Time for InuYasha!"

Kashike, minor character: Mmm...Sesshomaru...

"Why me..." Itachi murmered to himself as he hung from a tree, but Gina caught the question and answered it for him anyway. "Because I don't like you and you don't like me! And even if you did like me I'd still beat you with the bat in front of Sasuke!"

"Sasuke's not here. He left a few minutes ago with Neji." Zabuza informed the crazy pinata hitter Gina.

Zabuza, member of the Swordsman Committee: Actually Sasuke's still here...but I will do anything to upset Gina! MUHAHAHA!

"...damn. That's a problem." Gina scratched her head and closed her eyes. "Uh...Ayame will go hunt them down as I hit Itachi with this baseball bat!"

"Time for me to hit you into a home run!" Gina cackled while imagining the sweet sight of Itachi being hit with a bat and running back home to his apartment. Everyone else just sweatdropped, especially the tied up Itachi, who merely sighed out his comment.

"That's an old joke."

"...well...so is your face!"

"Gina! COME HERE!" Zabuza yelled at the Gina from the bleachers.

"Uhhh...fine." Gina tossed the bat outside then put her face near Itachi, who was still hanging from the tree, and then put her her sisnister Terminator voice. "I'll be back."

She sprinted to Zabuza and smacked his face.

"WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!"

"Nothing!"

"Okay...now...are you fearless?

"I'M NOT AFRAID OF ANYTHING!" Gina punched the air multiple times. "Yeah! BRING IT ON!" Her fingers then pretended to mimic playing a guitar as she bit her lower lip for about thirty seconds, then she stoped. "Uh...name it."

Zabuza then happily gave Gina the task. "Go to the Publix over there and get the twinkies-

"HELL NO! THE DEMON THAT WE TRIED TO GET THEM FROM SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF ME!" Gina hid behind Neji and shoved him forward, Neji crying out 'hey!' "Since Mr. TOUGH HYUGA BALLERINA believes his destiny is to be stronger than EVERYBODY, I vote that he goes!"

"What demon? Kyuubi? Shukaku?"

"Noooo way. They suck. There's an even stronger and SCARIER demon that awaits you, Neji-boy. Trust me, this one's even SCARIER than , Yugito, Nibi, Naruto, Kyuubi..." Gina kept on counting fingers and naming other frightening monsters as Ayame shoved Sasuke forward.

"Then Mr. Boy Scout can do it as well!" Ayame laughed as Sasuke stumbled but then fixed his posture to look like he's about ready to kill the demon.

"Fine then...I AM an Uchiha. Fear NEVER crosses my mind." His Sharingan activated and he gave a growl with excitement for a fight. **BRING IT ON!**

"The demon me and Ayame ran into, man he was even a million times frightening as Orochimaru!"

"Actually I DO have a doctors appointment today! See ya!" Sasuke dashed to the door for his life but was pulled back by a lasso that Ayame threw. "Damn..."

Ayame smiled at Sasuke through gritted teeth. "We love you Sasuke! That's why we put all out faith in you to go get the twinkies by yourself and leave Neji here with us so he can live! I mean...not take part in any action, so you can show how strong you are-"

"Or we can all go." Zabuza shrugged and grabbed his wallet. What should we do?

Ayame did a no way motion with her arms as she shook her head vigorously as Gina took her index and middle right hand fingers and pointed them to the side her head, then made a sound imitating a gunshot. "NO."

"So that's a yes?" Zabuza's eyes narrowed and his smile turned into a frown.

"Nope."

"Maybe THIS will change your mind!" With the THIS pronounced in emphasis, Zabuza grabbed the handle of the sword in his sword-holder-thingy (I forgot the name of it. x.x) and pulled out what seemed to be a huge sword at first. Kashike screamed and crawled behind the bleachers in terror, Ayame and Gina let out a small shriek, and Neji and Sasuke stared at the HUGE sword for a few seconds, Neji then breaking the speechless moment.

"Zabuza. That's a butter knife."

"My sword is at the cleaners." Zabuza slipped his butter knife back into the sword-holder, then dragged everyone along to the same Publix they went to earlier.

The scene at Publix when NEJI got there was one of quietness. The aisles were deserted of people except for one, but the store was still full. Shoppers were crowded all around the twinkie aisle, where the only sound was one of light crying and grief. Zabuza and the others pushed their way to the front of the crowd where there was a circle. In the circle was a old woman and a man standing behind a blonde medical ninja on his knees, who was talking softly in front of a box of twinkies, which apparently seemed to have been shot to death with a paintball gun.

Gina froze, then itched the back of her head while laughing nervously. "Uh...who could have done such a terrible thing?"

Neji spoke softly to a man next to him. "What happened?" to which the man answered with "Why are you wearing a speedo? And a cowboy hat?"

THAT'S NONE OF YOUR CONCERN

"Johnny..." sniff, "Phillip..." another sniff, the crying ninja appeared to be reciting the names of the twinkies, which were now a mess of creme and pieces of sponge cake on the floor.

"Neji...now's your chance...sneak a box from the shelf..." Ayame nudged Neji, who nodded in reply and crept toward the shelf.

"Don't worry...we'll, uh, get you a new box of twinkies!" Raymond suggested in a bright tone in an attempt to change the mood of the grocery store customers.

"Twinkies...?" Yashamaru was still facing his back to everybody. "I don't want twinkies...

**I WANT REVENGE!!!"** Yashamaru whirled around with flames in his eyes and pointed teeth in a snarl that sent all the shoppers in blood-curdling screams and running straight to the door and back outside where it was safe. THe NEJI members were brave enough to stay and fight Yashamaru, but they were only moments away from running the hell out of there like everyone else.

"You...one of you..." Yashamaru's purpley-blue pupils went from Ayame to Neji to Zabuza to Gina to Kashike, then his eyes settled on Gina.

Target locked.

"AHHHH!" Gina and the others's courage mustered out and they all ran outside screaming for help.

The only people remaining in the store were Raymond and Chiyo, who were still trembling, Yashamaru, who was still growling. "Yashamaru..." Ray spoke in a soothing tone. "At least nobody got hurt-"

**"HURT?! TELL THAT TO THE TWINKIES AND WE'LL SEE WHO'S HURT!"**

/meanwhile/

"Neji! You DID manage to sneak a twinkie or two, riiight?" Gina's smile was sly as she shoved Neji onto the ground just for her amusement. Neji snarled and spat at her feet. "No.

But I did get this chocolate ice-cream donut." The colorless-eyed Hyuga placed the donut on the stump of a tree, a napkin underneath it.

"AWW!" Kashike cooed. "He's so cute! What's his name?"

"IT doesn't have a name." Neji rolled his eyes to the sky. Gina, Ayame, and Zabuza looked up there too, but they didn't see anything. Kashike tickled the donut half-expecting it to giggle like a baby.

"I shall call him-"

"CHARLIE!" Ayame named the donut officially, then wiped some crumbs off her gray body-suit. "And during the Wild West Paintball fight, he should be rubbed on the shirtless Neji!"

"NO! Sasuke!" The Sasuke-fangirl shoved Ayame, but Ayame didn't budge.

"Neji!

"Sasuke!"

"NEJI!"

"SASUKE!"

/bird cry/

Their fight was interrupted by a blur of white papery feathers and the disappearance of Charlie. The NEJI members looked around quickly, then raides their eyes to the partly-cloudy sky, where there was a large white-paper bird clutching the donut in its talons. The bird appeared to give the group the finger, then flew away cawing laughter.

"Charliiiie! DAMN!"

"What do we do? Do we buy new donuts?" Gina asked as Itachi was grumbling and complaining due to the rope cutting his blood ciculation.

"No...we buy tickets. To the Konoha Island Ferry. Two, me and Neji only." Ayame decided to ditch the field and proceed with Operation Confess To Neji, Gina, Kashike, Zabuza, Sasuke, and Neji following her, Itachi yelling after them.

--------------------------------

For many years questions have been asked in the city of Konoha New York. Questions such as "Do you have food?" and "Did you say something? But...answers were never found.

Actually...answers were found, but for this sake we're going to pretend they weren't. More questions were asked, particularly this one question repeatedly asked by one man, a man like every other, except he was more powerful: Raymond, the Kazekage of Suna, New York.

Raymond's dream is to be one of the Akatsuki, but the problem is that his two moronic friends kept on ruining the chance for him. This time, he finally arranged a meeting to meet the leader for lunch at a japanese sushi restaurant by Suna's bay, called "The Ninja Star". Will Raymond succeed and be a part of the Akatsuki? What influenced him to be a part of the Akatsuki? Well, you'll be suprised to find out that the idea that started this all is older than your account.

"Well, finally we're here-"

"Raymond! I had a dream in which everyone in it told me that you sucked!" Chiyo ran up to Raymond excitedly, Raymond with a facial expression that seemed like he was about to punch Chiyo right now despite her old age if it weren't for Marcus arriving at the scene at that moment. Raymond is the type of person who'll fight anybody.

"HOLY MOTHER OF- oh...it's Chiyo...uh...hm." Raymond crossed his arms in an I-don't care pose as the old medical ninja kept on raving about her experience.

"Do you want me to have a flashback-"

"HELL NO! SHUT THE HELL UP!" After Raymond's outburst, Chiyo's face turned into surprised first, then anger. "FIIINE! Then maybe I'll tell everyone about the time we went to see High School Musi-"

"NO!" A hand clapped Chiyo's mouth and a harsh whisper was heard into her ear. "Don't tell Marcus about that day! Listen...act like you're an intellect and lie your ass off and I'll play bingo with you every night!"

"Deal!" Chiyo shook hands with Ray and apprehensively chuckled as the Akatsuki leader approached them.

"Raymond. Chiyo...uh...wasn't there a third one of you guys?"

"NO! No! Of course not!" Raymond laughed fakely and followed, Chiyo behind him as the Akatsuki Leader led the trio into the restaurant where a waiter led them to a little table with cushions on the floor, such as any japanese family will eat at. The restaurant was dark, and there were tables everywhere where the chef will cook right in front of them. However, Marcus requested a mat in which they will eat at in order for them to feel more like family. The leader, in serious doubts he will be recruiting the two Suna New Yorkers, sat down on one of the cusions and then popped the question.

"So...how do you guys know each other?"

"Uh..." Chiyo put her arm around Raymond's shoulder. "We're married!"

"We're FRIENDS." Raymond took Chiyo's wrinkled arm and set it gently back on her lapm, smiling nervously, sweating a little. "And, Sir Marcus, I must say that's a nice haircut you have!" Raymond schmoozed.

"Why thank you." Marcus cleared his throat after Ray complimented him, then his eyes scanned the old lady. "And uh...did I forget to tell you to dress formally?"

"THIS IS FORMAL!" She tugged at the orange fabric she was wearing to indicate her formality. "Apple Bottoms."

"...oh...well...uh...how long were you friends?"

"I married him in 2045!"

Marcus was confused. "That year hasn't happened yet."

"And our sons were the Beatles, and our grandchildren are all of the guys in Miami Heat...except Wade. Yashamaru's **his** daddy."

"Um-"

"And I discovered America, invented the light bulb, iPod, oxygen, but sadly I died a few years ago. Now enough about me! Now I'll tell you Raymond's life!"

Raymond interrupted. "Chiyo, uh...thank you but I'm sure Marcus has more questions."

"Yes..." The leader went on with his interview. "Are you aware that-"

"RAY-MOND!"

"I say Raymond, that ninja over there by the door, is he calling your name?" Marcus nodded toward the same ninja that was crying over the twinkies earlier, this time holding a funnel and a beer bottle. "I must say...she's quite the looker..."

"No! Im sure it's another Raymond-"

"Raymond I-never-knew-your-last-name! And Chiyo!" Yashamaru skipped over to the table, hitting a few people with the beer bottle on the way. "And...Marcus...by the way I'm a guy."

"Oh." Marcus blinked, but the drunken one sat down next to Raymond and nudged him. "Good news Ray, I didn't spill my beer!"

"Good for you..." Raymond sarcastically clapped but was ignored by Yashamaru. "Why don't you go blow yourself up?"

"Raymond...that wouldn't be a good idea...last time he actually did it. " Chiyo warned her brown-haired friend, a questioning look from the leader. Yashamaru explained for them.

"He told me to once like...six years ago. But I didn't know he was kidding!"

"It was seven years ago. And to get you to do anything is an easy task!" The Kazekage, having no sense of humor, didn't join in his teammate's crazy laughter but rather grunt disgustedly like Marcus. Yashamaru ignored him and then caught sight of Marcus's tuxedo.

"Wow, I must say Sir Marcus! I LOVE your suit!" Marcus's suit was an imported black tux he got from Louis Vuitton, paid 3,000 dollars on Bamzu.

"Thanks." The leader's voice showed no sign of gratitude.

"It has a certain 'Je ne sais crois'" The blond ninja felt some of the fabric as Marcus brushed away his fingers, sipping some Coke through a straw.

/Marcus's pov/

"So...how come we never found the jinchuriki we worked SO hard to capture?" I was tired of my own employees losing the people that they had to abduct, and I'd rather not go into details about them. After years of running a corporation, we've only extracted two bijuu...

"Uh...a jinchuriki? Do those taste good?" One of the two not-so-intelligent medical ninja asked me, the one who just touched my suit, a blonde ninja who's name I can never remember...maybe it was Jerry or something...but I've seen him somewhere a long time ago...perhaps in a magazine or something? I thought. He doesn't really look anything at all like the smarter and most powerful of the three, Raymond...I don't know his last name.He went on with his explination. "You see-"

"HOW ABOUT IF WE GIVE OUR EXPLAINATION FIRST?" Chiyo, the old lady and the weaker of the three, shouted rudely at Raymond, telling him to shut up. It seems as the man furrowed his eyebrows and let Chiyo continue. From her resume, she said she was a puppet master, and a skilled one at that, being the grandmother of one of my employees, Asking the question again, I now turned my eyes to the old lady...

"Why didn't you find the jinchuriki?"

"Meteor." Chiyo and the blonde ninja said at exactly the same time. Ray sadly shook his head and banged it on the table repeatedly due to his career going bye bye. That's right, I thought telepathically at him. Actually, I knew EXACTLY what happened that couldn't get them to capture the jinchuriki...but I decided to play along. I'm so evil.

"...a meteor?"

"Yes!" The two of them spoke at the same moment again, and then both went into a different explination about the event.

"-we were driving the car and WHOOSH! meteors came from the sky and started crashing into things like that movie-"

"-and then all of a sudden BAM!" Yashamaru threw his arms out for emphasis. "there was a HUGE one and it landed a few feet away from a Target! It created a crater in the middle of the street and all the cars were falling in and everyone was screaming. I ran out of the Target that happened to be right next to where the meteor hit, and I looked into the crater-"

"-and in the crater there was a meteor on top of some poor person, and in the meteor was an egg-like creature. At first I thought it was a Yolkian, but then I said 'that can't be'! Because first of all that was just a movie, and second of all, the Yolkians fly a chicken spaceship-"

"-and the egg all of a sudden hatched and a twinkie came out of it! Then come more twinkies came out of the meteorite and they started climbing out of the crater and boy it was SCARY-"

"-so the evil twinkies came and crawled up onto this guy's head, then attached to it like a leech and then drained out all of his memory!"

"-the twinkies LOOKED like twinkies...but there was something different about them...something...inhumane...they blew fire at everybody too!-"

"-and then the guy started talking like a zombie! and the facial expression of him looked like that of a zombie!-"

"-and you know how twinkies have different flavors like vanilla, strawberry, and banana creme?...well...these twinkies didn't taste like anything...nothing at all."

"-and now we were chosen as Zombie hunters! Like something out of Stephen King! And now, young orange-haired man, you better start telling us about your zombie plans..." Chiyo's voice had a note of warning.

"And now all of my dreams are shattered." Raymond moaned in despair as I tapped my chin for a moment, pondering their excuse. "Hm...come to think of it, the other people ARE acting like zombies...

/end Marcus's pov/

But I am going to give you guys ONE LAST CHANCE." The leader said the last three words with words of stern in his tone. "This is your assignment. IF you do not kill the jinchuriki before Shukaku gets out, you are never going to be members and I'll kill off all of you. Okay?"

"Yashamaru! ASS-ignment!" Chiyo nudged Yashamaru and the two erupted into stifled laughter as Raymond nodded seriously and shook Marcus's hand with means that he'll do ANYTHING to capture Gaara. "Yes sir."

"Very well. Now. Let's order."

------------------------------

The members of Team Ino-Shika-Cho were in their apartment's living room, which had a zebra motif. Zebra carpet, Zebra chair, 48 inch plasma screen, a window with a view, and the black-and-white zebra-themed kitchen in a corner by the entrance. Where does Asuma get the money to buy all this stuff? Well...I'll explain that in Chapter 10!

Ino was lounging on the couch flipping through a History magazine while doing her History homework while Chouji was on his stomach doing his science homework while eating from multiple bags of Sour Cream n' Onion Lays. "Why does he give us these detailed diagrams! They almost look so lifelike!"

"Hey, Jiraiya-sensei's also an illustrator, you know." Ino found an answer to one of the questions, then she wrote it down in the blank. "Choji...do you think Paul Revere's ass is hotter than George Washington's? And I'm talking about when they were both 18."

"Hmm." The fat one was comparing sized and shape structure of potato chips, when eating them.

"I'm writing about that for my Final paper."

"Yeah..." Choji wasn't paying attantion any more, but just devouring more chips. He stopped and looked up when the doorknob rattled and then Shikamaru entered the room with some mail. "Yo."

"Shikamaru!" Ino tossed her homework aside and jumped off the couch, running to Shikamaru and giving him a hug. "Who's ass is hotter? Paul Revere's or George Was-"

"We got mail." Ino and Choji gasped in shock as this news and crowded around Shikamaru as he tore the envelope open and pulled out a stiff piece of paper shaped like a tuxedo. The rest of the mail went on the end table in front of the lamp with zebra lampshade.

"READ IT!"

"Okay!" Shikamaru began to read the letter out loud.

"Dear Students

The Eighth Grade Class of Konoha New York Middle School requests the pleasure of your company as the KNY Dinner Dance on Friday-"

"That's tommorrow!" Ino hissed to Choji, who nodded in reply and stuffed another twelve potato chips into his mouth. Shikamaru continued.

"May 18th, 2007 at 7:30 pm. Konoha New York Banquet Center, third floor. Paint the town red. P.S.: Girls dresses must not exceed the knees...that's wierd..." Shikamaru remarked. "It's supposed to be longer than knee-length..."

"There's more on the back!" Ino pointed out. The lazy genius turned the card around and read the back. "It says 'Jiraiya was here. Bitchin'."

"THAT MEANS WE HAVE TO GO SHOPPING NOW!" The blonde female pulled Shikamaru and Choji off of the couch. "And guess who's paying for my dress!"

------------------------------

"Neji...the statue of liberty is one of the most important landmarks in history..and has a romantic view, doesn't it?" she asked flirtatiously at Neji, who was gazing at the skyscrapers of Konoha New York.

"I guess..."

The two were on top of the Statue of Liberty, looking out at the sunset at the view of the buildings, lights beginning to flicker on and the water turning a shining orange-blue. Stars also began to appear in the sky.

**"GO AYAME GO!!!" **Gina and Kashike were watching the scene through binoculars at the pier. Zabuza was eating a hot dog while Sasuke was nowhere in sight.'

"Where's Sasuke?"

"...crap." Gina ran onto the nearest ferry to the statue, throwing some money at the ticket man as she ran past him. "I'LL BE BACK!"

"Neji...I brought you here against your will to tell you something."

"Yeah?"

"Neji...I-"

/splat/

"NASTY!" Neji ran his hands in disgust through his long brown hair trying to get whatever landed on his head off, however the white stuff just kept on spreading. Ayame was deciding between getting her hands dirty and helping her 'boyfriend'. Her hands won. "Uh...sorry Neji-kun! I'm...allergic to all things white!"

**"AYAME-"**

"Sorry!" Ayame and Neji both looked up at somebody on top of the statue, a ninja with blode hair in a ponytail with a flock of white pidgeon-sized birds. "Is there a problem?"

"DAMN YEAH! Not only were you eavesdropping on MY conversation, but one of your birds crapped on NEJI-KUN'S BEAUTIFUL BROWN HAIR!" Ayame shook her fist angrily at Deidara. "Seriously! The one that landed on Neji's head was THIS big!" Ayame extended her arms as far as she could, indicating that the bird must have eaten something about three feet long.

"Uh...not likely. None of my birds would try to do that on purpose. Which one?"

"THAT ONE!" Ayame pointed to a bird which seemed to be giving her a mean glare.

"Oh...then it WAS doing it on purpose. He doesn't like people." Deidara laughed nervously as Sasuke entered the Statue of Liberty's veranda-head, binoculars around his denim-blue Uchiha shirt and Hollister shorts. "Hey..."

**"YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS?! I'LL HAVE TO DO THIS AGAIN IN PT. 10! GRRR!"**

"Uhhhhh-"

**"THE NEXT PERSON WHO INTERRUPTS MY CONFESSION DIES!"**

"Waitwaitwaitwait...hold up." Ayame studied Sasuke for a quick moment...her being with Neji had caused her to forget anyone else existed, "who are you again?"

"I'm SASUKE UCHIHA! Sole survivor of the Uchiha clan."

"Yeah but Itachi survived too! And that means you're a liar!" Ayame's face turned into one of disgust. "And...I don't like liars. Whatever-"

"Aren't you one of the people who held me captive for the paintball thing?" Sasuke couldn't remember if Ayame was there or not, also he forgot her name. "And what's your name anyway?"

"Uh...I am Neptune, god of the sea! I control water and rule the Water Tribe of the east lands!"

"...well...okay, but uh..." Sasuke glanced at Neji's hair. "What happened to him?"

A few minutes of silence passed, then was broken by a voice in the statue's doorway.

"Sasuke Uchiha!"

"What-" Sasuke whirled around to see Gina running toward him up the stairs. "HOW THE HELL DO YOU KNOW MY LAST NAME?!!!"

"Uh...well, that's hard to explain."

_I mean...some of my best friends don't know my last name... _Sasuke thought to himself.

"Anyway, I'm here to tell you my story and convice you to join NEJI." Gina hugged Sasuke, who rolled his eyes at her.

"Wasn't I already part of it? Whatever."

"Last night! I had a dream!" Gina threw her arms out and went into a dramatic explination about her dream.

"I was in a desert...an empty oasis...no food...or water...and I was THIRSTY!" When she said thirsty, she said it as if she was dehydrated. "I was dying of thirst...when all of a sudden...out of a hole in the sky...a cow flew toward me!"

"...a cow-"

Gina kept on going despite the interruptions. "Hurray! I'm saved, I thought! And so I begged the cow, 'please, let me have some of your milk!'. The cow said, 'In this land, I am forbidden to give milk. The only drink allowed in this land is

Diet Coke." Gina's fear seemed like one she would have if she heard that Sasuke was killed by Itachi.

**"NOOOOO!" **Sasuke and Ayame screamed in horror.

"The cow said 'Do not worry, however! There is a place where you can feel safe!' and the cow pointed east...and was that a building I saw? I thought. I walked closer to the building and entered. Dazzling lights blinded my sight, and a voice said 'Welcome to N.E.J.I., a source where all of our members are our first priority-"

"You KIDNAP people and not feed them for about a WEEK." grumbled the Hyuga male. "AND try to feed us to demons!"

"Same thing." Gina slapped Neji on the back. "The Neji-Ten Haters Justice League or whatever the hell it stands for will CONQUOR THE WORLD! And then change it's name to the SasuSaku Annihalation Section Under Kage's Empire!"

"What-"

"You guys are the section of my empire that are going to kill off Sakura...and starting when the SASUKE will be in effect, my name will no longer be in the meaning of silver, but in the meaning of shadow! My name will not be Gina, but Kage! And we'll not only drink Sprite but Mountain Dew as well. MUHAHAHA!!!!" Gina laughed maniacally as everyone else stared at her as if she were bananas.

"Uh...still here." Deidara waved to get NEJI's attention. The members turned toward him to see what he wanted when the bird that crapped on Neji's hair stepped forward and tossed something in front of it's body.

"OH MY GOD CHARLIE!" Ayame and the others stared in horror as the donut with it's icing now smeared was on the floor, appearing to Ayame to be begging for mercy. The bird's face had 'Try me' written all over it. Ayame's angry eyes locked onto the bird's, then she spoke in a sinister voice. "If you DARE-"

The bird smirked and ate half of the donut, then smeared the rest onto the cement of the Statue's veranda floor.

"NOOOO! He was SO YOUNG!

By the way Neji and Sasuke, you guys are sitting with us tomorrow night at our table for the dance."

"...the DANCE?!" the two of them yelled at exactly the same time. "No, we're not party people. We DON'T go to parties and we are NOT going to the dance."

-------------------------------

/the next day/

"I can't believe I'm going to this dance." Neji complained to Sasuke, shaking his head sadly. Sasuke was wearing his one and only suit, one that looked identical to everyone else's. He was wearing a black tuxedo with neck tie. Neji's tuxedo was white and his bow tie was red. Gina, Ayame, and Kashike were all wearing short black dresses.

"You look like an ice cream man." Sasuke mumbled back to him.

"Welcome to the KNY High School 8th Grade Dinner Dance!" Jiraiya pointed to the entrance, where there was a red and white balloon arch leading into a room with red neon disco lights flashing and people dancing. He handed each of the group a glow-in-the-dark red necklace, like the ones they have at concerts. "It's over there! And...the best thing is that all the girls are wearing the SHORT dresses!" Jiraiya said the last part quietly and only to himself as the NEJI members proceeded. "Heh heh...Jiraiya you're a genius!"

The banquet hall room was dark. As the NEJI members entered, there were a vertical row of circular tables to the left, and a soda counter/dance floor to the right.

(note from author: I got bored so I made a diagram on how it looked like from birds eye-view since I can't really describe it that well. The Os represent tables. The N symbolizes NEJI's table. The ls and -s symbolize sections.

Madara's diagram of KNY's banquet center, third floor, during the prom. Birds eye-view (Deidara's birds)

lprojector for slideshowl

O O O O O O

O O O O O O

O O O N O

O - - - - - -- l F

O l Dance l l o

O l Floor l l o

O l - - - - - l l d

O ------

O l drink

O l section

O l-------

lentrancel

On each table was either a red or white table cloth and a silver bucket in the center. Red crepe paper was inside the bucket, and some red balloons were tied to the handle. In front of everybody's place was a keepsake black drawstring rolled burrito-style, a red water bottle, and a chocolate paintbrush lollipop wrapped in plastic. Silverware was rolled in a napkin as well.

They arrived at table 21, which was a white-clothed table. Each took a seat as followed.

Sasuke, Gina, Ayame, Neji, Kashike, Shino, Kiba, Hinata, Ino, Shikamaru, Chouji, and an empty chair for Zabuza. When Zabuza sits down, he'll be between Chouji and Sasuke. (It goes in a circle)

They were interrupted by Zabuza in a spiffy black tuxedo running over to their table, making him look like James Bond for a second. As he puched past crowds of students taking pictures, they recognized him as Zabuza and greeted him: omg you look great, etc.

"Zabuza! hi!"

"Hey." The exhausted Zabuza took the empty seat and took a lot of breaths. "I'm like 27 years old. Why am I even here?"

"That's a long story, and I don't have time to explain it Zabuza." Ayame answered him.

"Oh...well...Ayame...will...will just this once, will you call me Mr. Drummond?"

"Uh...okay."

"Will everyone please have a seat!" Sandaime Hokage spoke into the microphone, his voice booming out of the speakers so that everybody could hear. Everyone took their assigned seats at each table of twelve as the spotlights dimmed on the principal's face. He then spoke once more in a tone of welcome.

"The past year has been a great achievement in Konoha New York Middle School. I would like to welcome all of you here and wish you good luck next year as you graduate!"

Thunderous applause filled the room as Sarutobi took a bow and continued speaking. "Well, we will be calling tables for you to get up and go get the food. After you eat, we have a special slideshow to present in order to keep your memories in tact. We will also like to dedicate this dinner dance to a student who could not be here today. We hope to have a good time for a..." Sarutobi squinted at the name on the paper he was reading off of. "Gaara...there's no last name. He got hit by last night's meteor and died. Table 23, get up and get your food!"

The students and Zabuza who belonged to table three rose and went single file to the food table, where they each got the same order: Roast beef with a side of mashed potatoes(brown gravy), salad, and vegetables. When they all returned, they dug in.

"Mmm...this is good!" said the disappointed Chouji, who wasn't able to get second/thirds/fifths.

"Hmm...it is, isn't it?..." Ayame remarked. "This tastes good...TOO good..." her eyes glanced at the empty seat between her and Sasuke. "..speaking of which where's Gina?"

/meanwhile/

"Uh...m'am?" The black-haired female leaned over the food toward the lady in charge of it. "An order of pancakes please."

"Sorry, we stopped serving breakfast this MORNING. This is a DINNER dance." The lady motioned Gina away to serve the next student in line, but Gina just stood there.

"Well I'd appreaciate it if uh..." Gina took out a dollar and gave a sly grin as she slid it toward the dinner lady, trying to bribe her. "You make me some pancakes?"

"..."

"Go on...take it." Gina winked.

"No. Next!" The defeated Gina got roast beef instead, then sadly walked to her table, where Zabuza was telling a story.

"-so then Kashike, Ayame, Gina, and I went to the movie theaters on Saturday to watch Captivity, and I farted really loud, you know, just to make everyone laugh. And you know Tayuya from your geometry class? She THREW UP into her popcorn and then the guy she was dating didn't hear and he ATE some of it!"

Sasuke slammed his fork onto his plate, which made a CLINK sound. "I'm sorry but is this really proper dinner conversation?"

"Stupid rigged cafeteria lady didn't give me pancakes." Gina was all doom and gloom as she slumped back down in her chair.

Zabuza didn't want a party pooper, so he shrugged and asked a question that has been on his mind lately. "Guys. What does **yaoi** mean?"

The whole table went into shocked silences, jaws dropping, and looks of disbelief, all except for Shino and Zabuza.

Shino pushed his glasses up with his finger.. "I believe it's a kind of fruit drink."

"Hmm...since SASUKE drank my glass of water," Zabuza burned holes into Sasuke's eyes, "He's going to take the liberty of paying."

"This is a free dinner." Sasuke obviously stated to Zabuza, but the swordsman wasn't paying attention but trying to get the waiter's attention.

"WAITER! MAY I HAVE SOME YAOI WITH MY POTATOES?!"

"Zabuza!"

A mean glare.

"I mean Mr. Drummond!"

A few minutes after they ate, the NEJI members got up to go dance. Ayame made the foolish mistake of letting Neji out of her sight as she did the Misissippi Slide with Gina and the others. When they were tired of dancing, Ayame took notice of Neji's unpresent-ness and went to go look for him as the others went around saying hi to people.

"Gina! Zabuza! Kashike! Sasuke! To the table, NOW!" The dragon-faced Ayame hissed as she kicked everyone into their chairs, then growled feriociously. "Look over there. Table 10."

Everyone at table 21 turned their heads and looked at the couple sitting at table 10. Neji was sitting down and Tenten was on his lap, giggling. She was wearing a tight-fitting short hot pink dress (shorter than the time at Olive Garden or whatever restaurant the NaruLee-NejiTen took place). Neji's expession was bland, same as always.

Gina put on one of the army hats she brought along just in case there was a chance of this happening. "Battlestations."

"SHE'S ON NEJI-KUN'S LAP! AND HE'S NOT EVEN PUSHING HER OFF!"

"but...but WHY!" Kashike was baffled. "He pushes off ANYBODY who touches him! Why the sudden change of heart?"

Ayame's purple bangs shadowed her eyes, and she spoke in an emotionless tone. "You want to know why?"

"W-why?!" Kashike stammered.

"Because she's a succubus."

"I'll take care of this one." Zabuza reached into the inside of his black tuxedo jacket and pulled out a gun, cocking it. Ayame put a hand in front of him, signaling for him to put it back. "No. Succubi are immune to weapons when they are working on a man. There's only one thing that can affect them."

"what is it?"

"I know! I read this in a book. Regular woman have estrogen as their hormone. However, succubus have an enchanced set of hormones in the brain that can signal estrogen out of her mind and into Neji's testosorone-filled mind, making them attract in a reltationship...however, when the male unleashes a power that make regular women attracted to him, the power is so strong that the succubus's estrogen-signals are killed off and the succubus's power won't affect Neji, making her prone to weapons! And THAT'S when I push her out the window. It's more awesome that way." Ayame beamed as everyone else started in shock.

"I didn't know Ayame knew how to read!"

/smack/

"Owwww..." Zabuza rubbed his head in pain, flinching when he touched the forming bruise.

"Therefore, we need the most powerful woman-attracting object in the market. And thank goodness I have a can of it in my purse."

"What is it?"

"Tag Body Spray." Everyone except Sasuke oohed and aahed as Ayame pulled out a can and set it in front of her on the white-clothed table. "And you guys thought I wasn't prepared!"

The very impressed Zabuza nodded in approval as drank some more of his Aprite. "By the way, which INGENIOUS book told you this?"

"Killing a Succubus for Dummies." Ayame got up and then walked toward Tenten's direction with her weapon. "I'll be back."

Gina uttered a psst. "That sprite you're drinking will soon be Mountain Dew, Zabuza."

"Erhm..."

"I mean Mr. Drummond." Gina corrected her mistake, satisying Zabuza.

Ayame took deep breaths before approaching the evil succubus with her sweet Neji-kun. Tenten looked up and started gushing to Neji even more when she caught sight of Ayame. "Oh Neji-kun! You look SoOoOoOo CUTE with that tuxedo!"

"Yes...Tenten-chan..." Neji replied, blushing a little.

Ayame froze. "Ten...ten...CHAN?!?!"

**"WHY THE HELL DOES ****SHE**** GET A SUFFIX?!" Inner Ayame erupted into a roar, towering over Tenten.**

"Tenten...you look...nice..." Ayame said smiling through gritted teeth. Tenten just winked and said "I know, right?"

"Yes...I do." Ayame sprayed the Tag on Neji, who started coughing and immediately stopped blushing. He looked at Tenten on his lap, then went into a spasm. He shoved her off onto the floor and then ran back to the table.

"WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM?!?!" Tenten got up grimacing, wiping dust off her dress. Her face was as red as a beet and the same flame that was in Yashamaru's eyes was in hers.

Ayame smirked and then began to laugh. "You thought you had me fooled...didn't you..."

The music has stopped. Everyone was in a circle, staring at Ayame and Tenten, who were about to 'get it on' according to Jiraiya. Jiraiya pushed his way to the front of the crowd and then yelled loud enough so that everyone can hear "CATFIGHT!"

The students, and even some of the staff, started to make bets. Tenten's eyes flared even more and then her eye's locked onto Ayame's. "I don't understand what you're talking about."

"You're a succubus..." Ayame accused her.

Tenten thought about denying it, but she couldn't for some reason. Here was the only person in the world who knew what a succubus was...maybe she'd put on a good fight. "...how did you know?"

"Your picture wasn't in the yearbook! And you were present for picture day!"

"You're right...succubi don't appear in flash pictures, only when the flash is off." Tenten stated, proving Gina wrong in Ch. 7 but explaining why she was in Ayame's power point.

"Temari, Kankuro, and Gaara...they're succubi too?"

"Them and their relatives. And mine too." Tenten clenched her fists preparing to fight.

"All you succubi also get a page in the yearbook! All the succubi in our school are on that page, yet the staff don't know what a succubus is! You want to know why?"

"I know why. Not only do succubi disappear in flash pictures, but they don't have last names."

"Exactly!" Ayame took out a kunai knife and held it in her mouth.

Tenten's eyes met Jiraiya's, then Jiraiya nodded. As he unleashed the contents from a can of whipped cream on her, she went-all-out on Ayame, pinning her onto the ground with her succubus strength. She hissed in a new demonic succubus voice. "Say goodbye!"

/smack/

"Owww..." Tenten put her hand to where Ayame smacked her and touched the surface of her cheek. "Dude...you smacked me."

"Damn straight." Ayame kicked Tenten off of her and dragged her by her hair to the window, where she shoved her out. Everyone in the room ran to the broken window asnd watched in horror as Tenten fell until her she hit the pavement with a sickening splat.

-------------------------------

Raymond motioned everyone to get into his gray pickup truck. After everyone was in and seatbelts were on, Ray put the car in drive and speeded onto the bridge to cross Konoha New York. "We have to kill a certain jinchuriki. If he is not killed, his demon will awaken on Thursday night.

"We? What the hell do you mean WE?" Chiyo muttered only to herself but Raymond and Yashamaru could hear.

"Why's the demon awakening?"

"If he is not killed, the jinchuriki's demon will awaken the other demons and raise the Army of Bijuu!"

/long silence/

Chiyo raised her hand. "...is that a good thing?"

"Oh, it's nothing really. They'll just wipe out the world." Raymond spoke sarcastically as he swerved to avoid crashing into a ford and a honda. However, Gaara still has more time left to live, because on his side was a force of nature that stalls Raymond for 45 minutes: Rush Hour. "Damn it! We're ON the SLOWEST LANE!"

"The minivan in front of us is killing me!" Chiyo leaned from here chair across Raymond to the steering wheel, where she pushed on it emitting the horn sound about nine times in an attempt to somehow speed up the minivan. She beeped it a tenth time with a clenched fist, then huffed, returning back to her upright position. She read the bumper sticker. "Ooh, My child is an Honor Student at Konoha New York Middle School..."

"Hey Marcus!" Chiyo shouted into her earphone. "Remember this: **BLOW UP** Konoha New York Middle School!"

"I forgot my line..." the one in the back seat fumbled around in his pocket until his hand closed around an index card, then he pulled it out and read what it said. "I'm supposed to say...twinkies.

THAT'S SO HARD TO REMEMBER!" Yashamaru complained as he kicked Raymonds seat continuously until Raymond turned around, the look in his eye with demons flying around as fire spewed.

**"Stop. It." **

"Yes Raymond!"

"Don't you guys care about being accepted into the most prestegious group in the world?"

"Uh...no?"

"Figures." Raymond slammed on the horn once more and then crossed his arms in hate. "You guys are both so weak, you're pathetic. After I'm accepted in the Akatsuki, I am going to go my seperate ways."

"YOU KNOW WHAT RAYMOND?!! WE DON'T CARE!!!!"

Forty-five minutes later after they were out of traffic and in Konoha, New York. Raymond, makind a dumb move, decided to let Yashamaru take over the diving. After they pulled over to a curb and changed seats, Yashamaru was behind the wheel and Raymond was in the passenger seat taking an aspirin.

"Okay Yashamaru," Raymond instructed as his partner was driving down the lane. "In order to force Karura to tell us where Gaara is, we have to go to Konoha Zoo. Take a left at the next lane."

Yashamaru took a right instead. "I'm hungry. How 'bout we stop at the golden arches?"

Chiyo nodded. "Sure, I could use a tasty McSalad."

"WHAT THE HELL?! WE'RE **FIVE MINUTES **AWAY FROM KONOHA ZOO! WHERE GAARA IS! Doesn't that OCCUR to you?" shouted Raymond.

"Ray, relax! We're just going to get some food, and then we'll go over to get...Gaara...I don't like him for biting my finger."

"What did you expect, to suck it like last time?" Ray snapped.

"Oh, yet I have my own little secrets!" Yashamaru laughed out then mouthed to Chiyo. "I have Hepititis C."

Yashamaru took out his cell phone and dialed a number as he went through McDonald's drive thru. "I hope they have twinkies!" he said out loud.

"...bastard." Raymond flipped him off.

Yashamaru's thoughts: _He's just jealous of my twinkies! Well, I'll show Raymond what I can do when we get to wherever-we're-going...I just hope it has twinkies...uh...TWINKIES!_

Chiyo's thoughts: _I wonder if we'll see the demon...I want to give it a piece of my mind...not to mention I hope to see Sarutobi Hokage...he has a fine ass._

------------------------------

"WE'RE GOING TO ROB A BANK!" Deidara shouted to some random people as he skipped along the sidewalk to the Washington Mutual around the corner.

Zetsu trudged along beside him, trying to shut up his partner. "Deidara-"

Deidara waved to a cop car that was parked next to another vehicle. Two of the police officers appeared to be giving the owner of a vehicle a speeding ticket.

"HI TWO POLICE OFFICERS! WE'RE GOING TO ROB A B-"

"DEIDARA SHUT UP!!!!!!" Zetsu screamed at the top of his lungs as they stopped by the entrance of the bank. He then put on a ski cap (which hardly covered his ginormous pinsir-thingies) and Deidara but on a blindfold. However, he forgot to cut holes in the fabric around his eyes, leaving him blind. Zetsu then took out a rifle for himself and gave Deidara a sack. The two then barged into the bank and held the guns up.

"EVERYBODY FREEZE!"

"DON'T MOVE!"

"I am Sailor Carbon Dioxide! In the name of photosynthesis and evapotranspiration, prepare to be CO 2'd!" Zetsu yelled as people screamed and put their hands up.

"AND I AM DEIDARA FROM THE AKATSUKI! MY SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER IS 88150!"

"...Deidara..."

"WHAT?! oh...uh...ehehhehheh...sorry." Deidara smiled and scratched the back of his head. "Let's do that over."

Deidara ran past the automatic door and back outside as Zetsu walked back outside, shaking his head. When he joined Deidara, the two of them ran back inside and held the guns up once more to the confused bankers and citizens. Families were huddled in groups, and a little girl in a Dora the Explorer shirt was crying loudly.

"I AM SAILOR CARBON DIOXIDE! IN THE NAME OF EVAPOTRANSPITATION AND PHOTOSYNTHESIS, PREPARE TO BE CO 2'D!!!"

"I am uh..." Deidara's eyes quickly scanned the room in need to come up with an introduction. His eyes went from:

a wall calendar. "Uh...Day..."

The crying little girl's shirt. "...Dora..."

The newspaper's photo of Marcus in an akatsuki robe. "Akatsuki..."

And then one of the accountants' computer screen, which read Withdrawal: $88,150. "88150..."

Deidara then put those four words together to make up an identity."Yes, uh...MY NAME IS DEIDARA FROM THE AKATSUKI! MY SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER IS 88150!

...oh crap."

Zetsu blinked, then continued. "...ANYWAY! This is a stick up! EVERYONE PUT THEIR HANDS UP WHERE I CAN SEE THEM!"

The people, including Deidara, obeyed Zetsu out of fear. "Not you Deidara." said Zetsu, Deidara being relieved as he lowered his hands.

"Uh...yeah! I'm robbing you guys...I guess."

"Deidara!"

"What?"

"You're facing the wrong way!" Zetsu called out to the one with the camera-eye that has his back to everybody, who froze and then turned around. "Oh...well...uh...what do I do now?"

"Ask for the money." Zetsu hissed in his ear. Deidara groaned and slapped his forhead, then walked over to the accountant behind the counter, who's facial expression looked like Simon Cowells's.

"Damn, I always forget to ask for the money...uh...PUT THE MONEY IN THE BAG! PUT IT IN!"

"Will that be from your savings account or your checking account?" The accountant asked in a bored tone, one that he always had. His nametag read 'Bob'.

"Uh..savings."

"May I see your license?" Deidara put his license in Bob's open hand, who read it. It said 'Deidara' in inelligable handwriting, and that was it.

Deidara flashed a thumbs up in what he presumed was where Zetsu was standing, but turned out to be a wall.

"You have an amount of zero dollars and zero cents, for both of your accounts."

"Oh...okay!" Deidara took back his license and left the bank, Zetsu giving up and following him.

"WE DID IT!"

"NO WE DIDN'T!!!!...damn, This wasn't nearly as idiotic as the time you made a waterslide with the stairs." Zetsu went into a flashback about that day.

_"ZETSU! SASORI! KISAME! This is gonna be awesome!" Deidara was at the top of the stairs in blue swimming trunks. On the floor was a garden hose, running so that the water flowed from the top of the stairs to the floor at the foot of the stairs, where there was now a large puddle. _

_Zetsu, Kisame, and Sasori ignored Deidara. Instead of joining his crazy scheme, they were playing Trivial Pursuit._

_"Oh well!" Deidara then toom a few steps back and then ran towards the stairs, jumping and landing on the 'slide' on his stomach, so that he goes down headfirst. "SLIP N' SLI-_

_AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"_

_Sasori, Zetsu, and Kisame ignored Deidara's cried of pain as he tumbled down the stairs on his stomach. They kept on playing the game and only stopped to look up when Deidara was shadowing them, scrapes all over his body, bleeding on the white shag carpet. Sasori's eyes widened in terror._

_"OMG THE CARPET!"_

_"SHUT UP! Why didn't my waterslide work? I read the instuction manual in a book!"_

_Sasori studied Deidara's wounds and sighed. "Are you sure it was a book? Are you sure it wasn't NOTHING?"_

_"...oh yeah!"_

"That...didn't go well." Deidara shrugged. "You have any quarters?"

"Here." Zetsu gave Deidara a quarter, who went over to a pay phone.

-----------------------------

Marcus was in his office wearing his usual Akatsuki robe. He was having a conference with Itachi and Kisame. Marcus was seated in a usual boss leather chair in front of his mahogany wood desk with computer/printer/faxes/family photos on top of it in an arranged manner. His certificates and cased trophies were on the walls and took up most of the room. A window with a view of the bridge was one whole wall. Besides that, there was a fish tank. Itachi was seated in front of his boss in one of the chairs, while Kisame was at the fish tank, tapping on the glass at the clown fish.

"NEMO!"

"Kisame sit down." Marcus motioned at the other empty seay next to Itachi, to which Kisame took a seat in. "Now."

"We need more jinchuriki if we are even going to take over the world. And THAT MEANS you better get a lot of wheat thins, Itachi." Marcus chuckled at his little joke while Itachi activated his sharingan.

"Never. Mention. The word 'wheat thins' EVER AGAIN."

"Anyways, uh..." The phone rang, interrupting Marcus. "Hold on guys, let me take this. Hello?"

An automatic female voice came on. "You have a collect call from..."

The voice then chainged to Deidara's. "Zetsu, I don't trust giving my name to a machine!"

Marcus accepted the call and then motioned Itachi and Kisame to stay quiet for a minute. "Deidara, how's my favorite employee!...what?..."

The leader started swearing profoundly in front of the others, saying the most insulting curse word you can think of repeatedly.

"What do you mean you couldn't ROD the BANK? WHAT WAS HOLDING YOU!!!!"

Itachi and Kisame exchanged nervous glances as Marcus kept on yelling/lecturing Deidara.

"WE NEED MONEY TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD! I THOUGHT I COULD TRUST A CRIMINAL PRODIGY WITH THE TASK OF ROBBING THE BANK BUT NOOOOO!!!!! YOU SUCK YOU LITTLE BASTARD F-"

The phone beeped and Marcus spoke one more to Deidara before switching to the other line. "Hold on, I got another call." Marcus took the other call as Itachi and Kisame were watching him in an awkward situation.

"WHAT, I'M VERY BUSY RIGHT NOW!!!!...oh...uh...okay, where are they going...alright, get me a McChicken Sandwich meal with a medium fry...uh...okay, mustard...and uh...no ranch...sure, put onion on it. I'm not even gonna eat it." Marcus now crossed his legs and they were on top of his desk. The Uchiha and Shark boy looked at each other and shrugged.

"Well, what are you getting...see, I always order the wrong thing." Marcus told the caller, and Itachi and Kisame. "No...I'll just stick with that...okay bye." Marcus was about to press the button switching him back to Deidara when the voice on the other line asked him another question. "I'm sorry, what was that...uh, yeah. Cherry Coke...bye." Marcus switched back to Deidara.

"Sorry about that...oh, JUST ROB ANOTHER ONE? YEAH, I BET YOU EVEN GAVE THE BANKERS YOUR IDENTITY, YOU CHEAP RETARDED BASTARD!!!!!..." Marcus covered the reciever with one of his hands and whispered to Itachi and Kisame. "Dude...he's crying!

Listen, Deidara...I'm sorry I snapped. It's just I've been having a rough day. There are some things I have on my mind right now, I couldn't get any money not to mention I might have to hire three idiots...just get back here. Bye." Marcus slammed the reciever down and massaged his temples. "Where were we...oh yeah."

"We have to capture the following jinchuriki:

Uzumaki Naruto with Kyuubi, I'm leaving that to Itachi."

"NOOOOOOO!!!!!!" Itachi clutched his head and moaned.

"Some old-guy whose name I can't remember (note from Madara: I'm gonna call him Shabadaba o.o) with the four tailes, I'll leave to Kisame."

"Now...where's Hidan?"

"Church comittee." Kisame and Itachi sais at the same time (simultaniously? o.o)

"Right, he will get Yugito with the two-tailed cat..."

"And Raymond is not going to bring me Gaara obviously, so Deidara will capture him." Marcus knew that Gaara was dead, but he also knew someone will revive him.

"I am also going to kill Raymond. Itachi and Kisame, I'll leave you guys to kill the other two. This PTA is over." Marcus dismissed the other two as he laughed maniacally.

-----------------------------

Well, that marks the end of Pt. 9. Not to worry, Gaara and Tenten fans! That's what Chiyo and Orochimaru are for! Right?

Kimi: NOOO! NO NO NO! I mean...uhh...

Next chapter:

**Gaara's alive again, and Deidara's out to capture him. Hidan, Itachi, and Kisame are also out to capture their jinchuriki. Will they succeed? There is a serial bomber loose in the streets of Konoha. Tenten is dead and gone...or is she? And when Team NEJI...or should I say, SASUKE agrees to be on The Real World: Konoha, will they get along as well as they always do or drive each other crazy? And WHY is there a mass corruption in society?**


End file.
